I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

11

---Patrick---

Hello.

Try harder. It looks like you're just dying to hell him about this-

Don't even think of sending it.

Patrick: hey... Uh... I need some help... Um...

Did I really just send that?

What are you thinking Patrick? You don't ask people about that kind of stuff! Especially not people you've only known for two weeks. What the fuck is wrong with you?

But I don't know what else to do!

Gerard: What is it?

Really? Are you really asking about this?

Patrick: You have to promise not to judge me because this is really embarrassing... So please please please don't tell anyone...

Gerard: Of course, you know I'd never do something like that.

It's now or never.

PATRICK MARTIN STUMPH DONT YOU DARE-

Patrick: Uhm... Well, you see I... Uh.. Had a uh... Wet dream.... Uh... And I don't know how to get.... Uhm... Stuff out of sheets, and it's really embarrassing... I'm so sorry.

Yes. I had a wet dream. It was embarrassing as hell. But I can't help it. It just happened, and he was... he didn't even have clothes on and... I woke up too late and... Oh god, this is embarrassing. I have nobody else to rely on, and Dad'll beat me if he finds out, and Kevin will probably just hurt me again... And... oh my god this is pathetic.

I twiddle my thumbs while I wait for him to reply. My mind traveling as I push away my sheets.

Then I twiddle my thumbs some more.

And he doesn't reply.

And I wait for longer and longer.

And he. Doesn't. Fucking. Reply.

One minute turns into two, two turns into three, three turns into five, five turns to ten. I'm panicking. Because I just lost my one and only friend. I'm gonna get another beating from Dad, and he'll probably throw out the sheets and the blankets and force me to sleep on the mattress cold for a few months. Or at least until he can buy a new set and then he'll probably give me another beating then. Kevin will... well... I don't want to talk about what he'd probably do. Megan would be more awkward around me and stop cleaning up my wounds.

He's gonna tell everyone at school. I might as well just kill myself now and get it over with.

What is wrong with you? I told you not to say it. Now, look what you've done. You just ruined everything with the only person who just cares about you. If you could even say, he cares about you. You know he was just acting, so he didn't look like a bad person and maybe get a girlfriend. You're gay. You're pathetic. You ruin everything. First, it was The Incident and now this? No wonder people give up on you so easily. Why don't you go slit your wrists, it would be easier than living the rest of your life as a failure.

It's true. It's all true. I'm pathetic. I really am pathetic. Maybe it would be better if I just died. Maybe I would be less of a disappointment to everyone. Nobody would care. Not Gerard, not Pete, not Brendon or Joe. Not Ryan or Frank. They'd all just brush it off and continue with their lives.

Bzzt

The phone slips out of my hands as I rush to see if the text is from Gerard. This is weird. This is really weird because it's him. He actually replied. Why? Why did he reply? How can I be that important to him?