I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

47

---Patrick---

A stench of sex and ecstasy. That's all I can focus on.

"P-Pete!"

His hands are rough as he grips my hips and slides in my stretched entrance. The feeling pressure, the feeling of the stretch, the way he's grunting into my ear, the intensity of it all and all I can do is try not to collapse into the bed. This is so much different than usual. I can't see him. He's forcing me to look forward, but at the same time, I love it. Two weeks ago when I first came here, I couldn't bear to have him even call me a slut but now he's doing things I'm sure would send me into at least five panic attacks in one round.

I'm getting better. That's the good thing. I barely think about Gerard anymore, and I know I should get back to him soon, but I can't. Pete and Joe and Brendon and the ecstasy, the gin, the lyrics, the feeling of it all. It's all so addictive. I can't leave. Brendon does say I need to go back soon because Gerard needs me. I don't want to. I've just begun to forgive him for what he said, and I would be lying if I said I don't cry about it at night. When my heart aches and my eyes are wet. When I've come down from my high and reality has to crash down. Those are the nights I most need Gerard. When I consider going back to see him but I can't bring myself to. I know he'll just tell me to leave.

And never come back.

I'm afraid of what he'll say, so I just ignore it. I'm afraid he'll only push me away. I'm scared of breaking my heart any more than it already is. I'm terrified, and I can't help it. I don't like broken hearts. They hurt.

"You still here?" Pete asks gently, rubbing my back and taking me from my thoughts. I blink, looking back and taking a deep breath before I nod. He smiles, crinkling those hazel eyes before forcing me to looks forward again, "Tell me if you need me to stop."

"O-Okay," I reply, setting my gaze on my hands and shutting them as he pulls out and thrusts back in sharply, a cry of pleasure escaping my throat.

He chuckles as he starts a fast pace, his hips flushed pale against mine and his hands still gripping my waist enough to leave bruises. My fingers fist in the blankets, pleasure bursting through me with each thrust but I already know this won't work out. Kevin is tracing my mind like a knife across my skin, and any moment, that knife will be plunged in, forcing me back. Back to a time when I was in a much worse situation.

Pete keeps thrusting into me, the slapping of skin against skin, the feeling of his hands on my hips. Kevin.

I can't do this.

"Wait!" I blurt out, weak on my hands, "Can't do this. S-Sorry."

He pulls out, "It's okay, 's fine."

I roll on my back and pull him forward, still determined to finish the deed. I'm high and horny, and I need him. Now.

"You sure?" He asks, resting his hands on my hips.

"I just need to see you. That's it." I whisper, "Please."

He chuckles and kisses me gently, sliding back in, "You're so hot like this, you know..."

I moan at those words, my hand going to my length but he only knocks it away and jerks me off slowly, thrusting again and creating that haze almost immediately. As he begins a rough rhythm, I let my eyelids flutter shut, and my breaths continue their fast pace. This is the bliss I always look for in sex. The haze. The pleasure. The thumping of my heart. My back arched into the bed. Everything about this. About now. I forget. I forget about so much, and I can just get lost. I can forget about it all. About Kevin. About Gerard. About Dad. About Megan. About school. About cutting. I'm just left with the pure pleasure. The feeling of being high. It's an amazing feeling.

Pete grunts into my neck, a high pitched whine leaving his wide throat (I know that for a fact. His mouth was made for sucking cock.) His lips are on my neck, biting, licking, sucking. Anything to make a bruise. A bite mark. Anything to mark me his. I'm not his. I'm Gerard's. But in the meantime, I'll at least play along.

Pete bites down on my lip soon after, my eyes shut again in bliss.

Bzzt.

My phone. I don't pay much attention to it because it's probably Gerard trying to talk to me. Gerard telling me he's sorry when he isn't... Gerard asking for forgiveness I want to give him but forgiveness I'm afraid to give him. Gerard. Gerard, Gerard. He's all I'm trying to forget about now. Trying to forget about those thick black locks. Those troubled, hazel eyes I fell in love with at first sight. That lanky build. Those coffee lips. Gerard, Gerard, Gerard. He drives me crazy. Absolutely crazy. I need him, but I can't have him. I have to have him, but he's only going to break my heart.

I can't focus on that right now.

"Pete, harder," I whisper, "Please."

He chuckles, a dark tone in his vocal cord but he complies, ramming into me and making me moan impossibly louder.

"Oh my god, yes."

Pete kisses me again, our tongue fighting roughly for dominance, desperate for a winner. Desperate for each other. His hand goes back to my length, jerking me off fast and rough. Tugging, pulling, rubbing. The friction. The sweat. His pace. The way he pounds right into my prostate. It's all too much. I can't take it.

"P-Pete!" I cry and with that, I release, my hips snapping up off the bed and his own stilling inside me. Our muscles clench and tense as our moans fill the room. My eyes rolling back. My back arching. My hips off the bed with my legs braced, and it's over as fast as it came.

He collapses, breathless. His arms weak and shaky, his palms sweaty and it's silence. Everything is so quiet besides the club outside and our unsteady breaths.

"Th-Thank you," I whisper, my hands pulling him closer and my eyes squeezed shut as he hugs back, just slightly. He swallows and pulls the covers up over us, closing his eyes as he tries to fall asleep.

Bzzt.

I moan grumpily but grab my phone from the bedside table, anyway. I want to sleep and maybe get some more gin later, but someone obviously needs me right here, right now.

I squint as I look across the text.

Frank: Patrick, cum 2 gerards house now. he almost attempted suicide.

Frank: reply goddamit. Where tf r u. he needs u now. please hes doing rly bad. i just need u to get over here.

It takes a couple reads for it to register but as soon as it does, my eyes widen.

And I immediately get dressed and leave, telling Pete to drive me to Donna's house.