I'm Not Okay (I Promise) • Geetrick

21

---Gerard---

So.

He's not here.

He's not here. Patrick isn't here. Why isn't Patrick here? What happened?

I went to first period, science with Mr. Tennant and Joe and Ryan. We learned about stars and the galaxy which, in my opinion, is pretty damn fascinating. I've always wanted to draw a picture of the galaxy or something themed like that. Anyways, first period was cool. Neither Patrick nor I have that class together. Joe kept throwing pencils at me but Patrick's words from Friday night kept echoing through my mind. "I had a group of friends before The Incident... The ones I pushed away. Th-There was uh... Frank, Ryan, J-Joe... Brendon... and... and uh... Then my best friend... W-Was Pete..." I did kind of brush Joe off. I felt a little guilty especially when a look of concern crossed his soft face but I didn't let it get to me. Ryan was just being quiet the whole period, sitting and actually doing work.

The bell rang and I continued to my second class, English with Ms. Kristen. Frank was in that class with me and we get paired up a lot. He's cool, I think my second best friend. I hang out with him more than anyone else in our gay little group. I almost fell asleep in English so I can barely remember what happened there. Frank kept poking me in the arm to wake me up every time I did doze off. I was aware that he's in Patrick's list of ex-friends. I also realized that I'd have to talk to them at lunch... I need to tell them what Patrick said. I did promise to help him, after all.

Third period was Social Studies with Mr. Collins. I didn't actually have any friends in that class so I kind of end up falling asleep with nobody but the teacher to wake me up and that's embarrassing so I always try my best to stay awake. We learned about... Um... Something? I can't remember. We took notes in textbooks. I think it was something about England and... Spain... Kind of... I'm not actually sure but I managed to survive Social Studies. That's when I began to get a little uneasy.

So now here I am. Lunch. Patrick isn't here and he's almost always at lunch. Maybe he's just being held back by Ms. Kristen. So I sit by Brendon, Ryan, Joe, Pete, and right beside Frank. They're talking about Homecoming... Which I guess Homecoming is this Friday. I don't know who to ask besides Patrick but, he's obviously not here yet. I actually am a little excited to talk to him and ask him. I can't believe I forgot. I mean... The school isn't against homosexuality and I already know Ryan and Brendon are going together. So... Maybe Patrick would want to go? I'm not sure. Then again, we still have the problem of sorting out what we are with each other... Kissing obviously isn't something friends do.

Ten minutes pass and Patrick still isn't here. I don't know where he is and I'm getting worried. Where is he? Did he stay home for a reason? Did he lock himself in a bathroom? Maybe he'll be back in fourth...

Frank seems to notice my distress because he rests a hand on my shoulder and asks, "What's wrong?"

I swallow, looking to him. Into those soft brown eyes, "Patrick's not here... And I need to talk to... everyone..."

Frank pulls his hand from my shoulder before yelling at the rest of the group to pay attention to me. Brendon and Ryan are gazing at me, making me slightly squeamish and uncomfortable while Joe has an eyebrow raised and Pete... "My best friend... I told him about The Incident... I mean the car crash..." "Um... I need to talk to you about Patrick," I say, looking down. My bravery is gone and I'm getting uncomfortable. Why do I have to be the messenger? Oh right, I promised Patrick. And I'm not breaking a promise with him, they're our only form of currency, "He... H-He told me about... three years ago... How um... He pushed you all away." I see Pete tense up slightly out of the corner of my eye, "He... He wants to be friends again. And I... Promised him I'd try..." I look up, swallowing my fear, "He said sorry..."