infidelity | maya + farkle

SIXTEEN.

HER POINT OF VIEW

"hey, you." i managed to say as i stepped in front of lucas. he was in the midst of listening to zay about something and the look on his face told me he didnt expect me to actually approach him.

"hey." he shifted himself from leaning on one leg to another. his green eyes peered down on me and i couldnt help but miss him. it had only been a couple days, since our break up, but i still loved him.

my eyes flickered over to zay who gave both of us a look before slowly realizing. "yeah- ill just um go over there.. im sure the boys need me.. yeah..ill just-" before he continue talking, he walked over to the rest of the football team's table.

"so.. how are you?" i asked him finally breaking the uncomfortable silence between the two of us. i tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as i waited for him to answer. i didnt know how to feel. i wanted him to tell me his missed me too and i wanted him to pull me into a kiss, but at the same time.. i didnt.

"ive been thinking." he admitted as he looked down into my eyes. i nodded my head in response as for him to continue. "i love you, you know that."

"i love you too." i muttered with a small smile. he returned the expression with also a smile. "i just want us to be okay."

"will we ever be okay?" he retorted and i knew he was right.

"do you even know what you want, maya?" his words sent vibrations through my body as i thought about my answer. it plagued my thoughts when i would try to not think about it. it was all i could ever think about. farkle or lucas? my best friend or my boyfriend? or should i say ex boyfriend.

i couldnt think of the correct words to come out and i felt sick to my stomach because i knew he wanted an answer. i knew that if i told him, i only wanted him, everything would be okay between us. maybe not perfect, but it would be okay. nothing was okay in my mind.

i looked down at my feet and he nodded his head.

"thats what i thought." he mumbled. i let out a sigh and looked back up.

"tell me, maya. how can you love someone who is in love with someone else when there is somebody who is only in love with you?" he asked and i felt even more nauseous. thats when i noticed his eyes move away from mine towards something behind me. i looked in the direction and that's when i saw it. i saw riley and farkle walking together talking and laughing. she touched his shoulder briefly before the two disappeared in the crowd of students.

i looked back over at lucas who just had a smug expression, but he didnt say anything. he must've noticed something, i didnt because seconds later he had his arm around me and was pulling me with him. i tried to say something but nothing would come out. my mouth felt dry and i felt like an idiot. i did this to myself. i always did this to myself.

"come on." he whispered. he opened one of the vacant classrooms and shut the door behind him. he turned the lights on and pulled my hand so that i would come closer. he put his hand on my cheek. "listen.. i want you to be happy, i do, but i also dont wanna sit back and watch your heart get played with. i love you more than anyone and i wanna be with you. i just want to hear you say that im the only one."

"i saw your face after you looked at farkle and riley.. so i know right now is not the best time to be asking such a question, but i want you to think about it." he explained. "its either all of me or none."

"wait.. are you saying that if i dont choose you.. then you dont wanna be in my life?" the words felt like vomit escaping my mouth, it just didnt feel right. he didnt respond, but just kept his head down. i nodded my head in agreement as i took in a deep breath.