Bad Blood

14.

A few days passed. Life returned to normal. Or as normal as it can be once it's been turned upside down. I missed my Gran so much. All I wanted to do was speak to her. About this and about Dan. I had so many questions to ask. I had been doubting everything. My name wasn't even Grace. It was Anna Jacobs. Who was Gran? She'd never had a husband, no sisters or brothers, did she even have her own children? I had never asked her about herself, because when I had done, she'd always changed the subject. There had been no family photos. It had just been me. I was finding it hard to get to sleep at night because of all the thoughts filling my mind. Somewhere out there I had a family. I could've had sisters and brothers. A mum and a dad. Aunts and uncles and grandparents.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand. A message flashed up. Danny. I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

'How r u?'

'Im alright. U?' I quickly responded.

'Bit tired, just got back from Germany. What u upto?'

'Got some work to do but otherwise just sat here watching tv.' I lied. There was no work. I was just sat there over thinking everything.

'Fancy some company?'

I stared at the phone. It would be nice to have someone here. Olivia was at work. But was it appropriate? Was this something I wanted? He had been a great help at Grans house and had made losing her hurt a little less. But it didn't take away what he'd done. It didn't make up for the past. As much as it had been nice having him around again, I didn't know how to respond.

'Sorry. Tell me to go away if you want.' He text again.

'I don't want you to go away.' I replied. And then I sent another. 'Bring food.'

':) see u in a little while then x'

My stomach was doing somersaults. What did all this mean? Was he just being genuinely nice and making sure I was ok? Or was he after something else? This was why I never trusted people, especially men. After what had happened on my sixteenth birthday, I hadn't been near a guy and that's how I wanted it to stay.

When the intercom bell went an hour later, I felt giddy. I buzzed him into the building and quickly checked my hair before running out onto the stairwell to greet him. He held up a bag of Chinese food and wine.

'Perfect!' I let him in and I apologised for the mess, even though I had quickly ran around the flat and tided away the pots and clothes. At first I felt awkward. We sat in the sofa in the large open plan living room, in silence. I had so much I wanted to ask him. The previous week had been spent talking about Gran and sorting things out. We hadn't actually spoken about what we'd been up to in the last decade.

'You've been in Germany?' I asked him as he took a big mouthful of noodles. He ate them quickly as we laughed.

'Hmmm.' He nodded. 'Tv show.'

'Well, obviously you're some sort of superstar. How did all that happen?'

'I'm not too sure. I guess I have you to thank for that.' He echoed what his dad had said at the funeral.

'How?'

'Well, I went to uni in Leeds to do journalism and English and I met some guys there that wanted to start a band and I remembered you'd always said I could sing, so I joined and ended up being the lead singer and writer and then they did their own thing and I started a new band and here I am. Did you really not know until you saw me that day?'

'No idea. I do film journalism. I was only filling in for someone that night. Sorry I freaked out.'

'I freaked out too. I never thought I'd see you again.'

Silence fell.

'I hope you know how sorry I am. I had no idea why I did what I did. If I had known it was going to tear us apart, I would never have done it.'

'Look, let's forget it. I have.' I hadn't. I just didn't want to talk about it. It had been the third time it had cropped up and I hoped it didn't happen again. I had far too much else to deal with as well as my demons. The night passed pleasantly. He told me about life on the road with his bandmates, all the countries he'd been to and some of the famous people he'd met. I found myself laughing more than I had done in a long time. He'd been around the world having fun for five years. I'd done a similar job, minus the singing on stage every night, but I'd done it alone.

When I wasn't working, I was home, working. Olivia and I were good friends but I didn't get to see her as much as I'd like as she was working. Most of my adult life had been spent alone. Most of my life since Dan and I had stopped talking.

It had gone 1am when I heard the key in the door and Olivia came traipsing in.

'You know what Grace, I am so done with that place, sick of drunk old men hitting on me...' She trailed off as she laid eyes on Dan. 'I didn't tell him where we lived.' She said quickly.

'Olive, this is Dan. The guy I told you about from before, my old best friend.'

'What?' Her eyes darted from me to Dan.

'Yeaaah.' I laughed nervously. 'Dan, Olivia.'

'Are you serious? Is this a wind up? What's going on?' She dumped her bag on the floor and just stood there gawking at Dan. 'This is Dan? Your old friend? Dan from Bastille? And you never thought to mention this before...?'

'She didn't know.' Dan was laughing at Olivia's lack of belief at the situation.

'Its ok. He won't bite.' I told her.

'I can't even...' She walked out the room, her arms up in the air, exasperated and cursing me. Dan and I laughed. I reached for the bottle of wine but it was all gone.

'Shame.' I sighed.

'I could go get some more?' He suggested. It sounded like a great idea, but maybe it was time to call it a night. How did I get rid of him? I wasn't entirely comfortable with him crashing at mine. Not when I had work in the morning too.

'I think I'm gonna call it a night. I, erm...do you want me to ring a taxi or...?' God, I just didn't know what to say without sounding incredibly rude.

'Thats alright, I'll call one.' He seemed unfazed. 'This has been nice.'

'Really nice.' I repeated. 'Thanks for dinner and stuff.'

'And stuff?'

'Chatting and, y'know, being here. It's been nice hanging out with you.'

'We should do it again. If you want to?'

'Yeah.'

'Cool.' I had walked him to the front door. 'I guess I'll see you soon?'

'Yeah.' Another horrible, awkward silence fell as he stood in the door way. I wanted to hug him. And actually, now it came to it, I didn't want him to go either. Having him back in my life was never something that had crossed my mind but the idea was nice. If only I could get over what had happened, because every time I looked at him I could see him lying on the ground, his face bloodied, his hand reaching out to me.