Bad Blood

25.

We had spoken and text and FaceTimed and he'd even sent postcards every day he was away. It had been the longest month of my life. But him turning up in the flesh on my doorstep a day early was enough to send me over the edge. I was jogging back from my run and as I turned the corner to my road, I saw his car parked outside my house. Up til that point I had been out of breath and my limbs ached. But the shock of seeing his car gave me the extra energy I needed to sprint the 100 metres to the front door.

He stood there with a huge grin on his face and I pelted towards him. I must've jumped about five feet and landed directly on him, locking my lips onto his and wrapping my legs around his back. I knew I'd knocked the air out of him.

'You're here, you're really here!' I panted. I took a moment to look at him. He was here in he flesh, not behind a screen or in a video online. His blue eyes were tired and his skin browner than before. 'Why are you here?'

'Thought I would surprise you.'

'You did. Oh I'm so happy!' I could feel tears burning behind my eyes. I was just so shocked and so pleased. I'd thought that night would be torture waiting for the morning when his plane landed. But he was here and he was all mine!

We spent the first few hours naked and in bed together. Though we'd only been intimate twice, I felt so comfortable around him now. All those fears I'd had about being undressed in front of him or anyone else had evaporated. I didn't know if it was just him giving me the confidence or if I had defeated my demons. But all I wanted was for our bare skin to touch and feel the fire radiating from him. I would've stayed here forever.

'Do you want to come to my Mums and meet my new nephew?' I'd nearly forgotten I wasn't the only important person in his life. He was still close to his parents and his sister had just had a baby boy. Of course I always loved seeing Isla and Rod, but would it be over stepping boundaries to come with him the first time he met his nephew? He must've noticed the cogs turning in my mind. 'I want you to come with me.' I nodded and smiled.

Once dressed, we got into his car and drove to his parents house. They'd come to the front door to greet him and their faces beamed when they saw me get out of the car too. I felt rather bad that they seemed happier to see me! And then panic rushed over me. Did we tell them? Would it be inappropriate to kiss him in their presence? What if they didn't approve? After all, they'd pretty much raised us as siblings. And there was still the issue of what we actually were. Fearing that I might freak out, I let him take the lead. I'd just do as he did.

As always, Isla gave me the biggest of hugs.

'We had no idea you were coming, I wish Daniel had told us!'

'I didn't know I was!' I laughed. They led me into their home, different to the one I'd once run around. Bigger. I figured that Dan must've bought them this as a thank you present once he'd got famous. Sat on the sofa was Francis, Dans older sister. And in her arms was the cutest, smallest baby I'd ever seen. Dan sat next to her, cooing over him and begging to hold him. I could see his eyes light up as he looked at this small child. I stood watching, asking Fran how she was and telling her she looked amazing just days after giving birth. I was so overcome by the beautiful scene before me. What a beautiful happy family. It only reinstalled what my life had lacked; a normal family. Raised by a stranger after my own mother was too much of an alcoholic to care for me.

Dan took the baby in his arms, his sister warning him to hold his head properly. I could barely watch. Seeing him hold this small thing, making his already large stature seem even manlier. Was there anything more attractive than a man holding a baby? And to make matters worse, he grinned at me, though he didn't speak, his face said a thousand words, 'this could be us'.

'Do you wanna hold him?' Dan asked me. I shook my head vigoursly. I'd barely seen a baby up close, never mind held one. The ladies in the office would flock to the new mums when they bought their babies in. Sure, they were cute but they were just shrunken humans. It wasn't that they didn't interest me, but because I had never imagined myself being able to have one, I'd trained myself to become unattached to the idea. 'Go on.' He urged me. He wouldn't let this drop. I sat beside him and Dan handed him to me. He was so light I could barely feel him. I felt like I could drop and hurt him. I laughed nervously and looked to Fran for approval that I was holding him right. And then I looked at him properly. His eyes were closed but a contented expression was on his face. He had the tiniest ears I'd ever seen. And his skin was softer than anything I'd ever felt. I instantly fell in love.

A while later, after my ovaries and I had recovered, Isla had asked me to come look at her flower garden. She'd always been a keen gardener and had tried to get me involved during potting season. I had a good knowledge thanks to her and Gran. Dan was pretending to know things about cars with his dad in the garage.

'Its always lovely to see you, Grace.'

'Yeah, you too. I miss you guys.'

'How are you coping without your Gran?'

'Alright I guess. Dans been great. I guess he told you about the whole adoption thing?' I was shuffling some mud around with my shoe, kicking a loose stone away.

'He did. And I am sorry. We had no idea, either. Did you find anything out about your parents yet?'

'Ive sent off the paperwork, just waiting on information now.'

'I hope you get the answers you need. And I have to say that I'm glad you and Daniel are friends again. He probably doesn't tell you but he missed you so badly when you moved away.'

'He's mentioned it a few times.' I laughed. 'I love having him back. When he's not away, I mean.'

'You make a lovely couple. Yin and yang, that's what we used to call you two.'

'I erm..we're not...' My cheeks were burning and my palms sweaty. I needed him to come out and deny this with me. I didn't want to say anything to her and get the wrong idea and Dan be mad at me.

'Yes you are. And please, do me one thing?'

'Yeah...?' Did I want to agree to this before I knew what it was?

'Look after him for me? Lord knows I worry about him. I know he doesn't need taking care of, but you know what he's like, he's a sensitive soul and he gets hurt easy. And hey, maybe one day you'll bring another grandchild round?'

The car journey home, I was trying desperately not to tell him about mine and Islas conversation. It had been painfully embarrassing but funny at the same time.

'What are you smirking at? Don't be getting ideas about that baby.'

'Something your Mum said. And anyway, it was you getting all broody and hinting at it, not me.'

'What did she say?'

'She knows.'

'About us?' I nodded. He shrugged. 'Mothers instinct I guess. And I dunno, I guess one day it would be nice to have kids.'

'One day.' I agreed. Had that been the conversation about our relationship? I needed to know more. I didn't like this being unlabelled. 'So we're like, what? Are we dating?'

'We can be whatever you want us to be, Gracey. I'm not forcing you into anything-'

'God no, there's no forcing going on. I want this.'

'Cool.' He glanced over at me with a smile and stroked my face.

'Cool.'