Bad Blood

23.

I was away in America for three weeks and desperately missing my best friend. Ironically he was also in the states, just a thousands miles away on the other side. But it was nice to be at least in the same time zone. And we had three days before we returned home that we were going to spend being typical British tourists in New York. Our first actual holiday together. I just had to go and meet loads of famous people whilst he performed to packed out venues every night in the meantime.

One good thing about being in Hollywood was the free time I had in between interviews and write ups where I could run in the glorious sun and catch some much needed vitamin d. It had done me the world of good. I only wished Dan was here with me. After our first actual adult kiss, things certainly had changed. There was no awkwardness. We both now knew where we stood. And that was together.

And I felt different. I felt the most confident I had done in my whole life. He boosted me up and made me feel good about myself. The first time he'd told me he thought I was beautiful I had burst into tears and refused to believe him.

I came to halt to catch my breath a moment and came face to face with a giant poster for Dans tour. I couldn't help but laugh to myself.

'Thats my boyfriend.' I said to the unwitting lady walking past me. She glared at me as if I were crazy. I was just so proud of him. It might not have been the career he'd set out to have but he had excelled in it and had hundreds of thousands of adoring fans. His song writing was amazing. I had finally bought myself to listen to his music and with me being the only other person on the planet who knew the meanings behind the words had filled me with elation. Not all the songs were happy lovely songs, rather dark and he had captured just what we had been through.

He met me at JFK, having already flown in hours earlier and I jumped into his arms with joy. Each time I saw him after a while apart he looked different, as if I were looking at him for the first time. And with every meeting I fell deeper and deeper for him. I so cherished our short time together. It was difficult for me, having clung so desperately onto his affection, to be apart. I wanted to speak to him every moment of the day but I had to remember he had a job to do.

We spent three nice days visiting New York hot spots and shopping during the day. I bought myself a suitcase full of new clothes and a tonne of shoes. And at night we went to fancy restaurants and to gigs. Dan had always had a passion for music where I had enjoyed films. Now the music was growing on me and I enjoyed being in the middle of a crowd of people, with Dan stood behind me for protection, his arms wrapped around my waist. Months ago it had been my worst nightmare. We stayed in a posh hotel and I would hold on to him all night.

And then it was time to go home. We were on the same plane, along with his bandmates, but he was only nipping home to do a British festival before flying back out for another two weeks. We had fallen asleep with our heads against each others, the film that had been playing on the screen in front of us going unwatched.

And the next thing I knew was I had four concerned faces all staring at me.

'Are you ok?' Dan whispered. I looked at him, confused. 'You were screaming.' I was so embarrassed. I had thought the nightmares had stopped, but on three occasions Dan had woken me up because I'd been crying in my sleep. I had no memory of the dreams but they were clearly still bothering me. My heart was pounding and my face was wet with tears. He hugged me and I apologised for scaring the entire plane.

'I want to go back to the tree, Danny.' I told him quietly. He eyed me up. I had been thinking it for a while. It was where everything had happened. I wondered if going back there would close that chapter.

'You sure?'

'I'm sure. I need to.'

So once the plane had landed and we'd each dropped our bags at our houses, Dan picked me up and we drove across London. I felt oddly nervous as we parked near the swings and slides. He took my hand and we walked into the woods. It seemed so strange now, but still so familiar. The trees were greener and taller, the ground softer. It smelt amazing, rousing all the memories of all the summers spent in the outdoors. After a short walk through the little woods, we found it. A grin crept upon my face and my hand automatically reached for the scar on my arm.

'Happy times.' Dan said to himself. Sure, there had been years of happiness. But one thing stood out to me now. That night. When our friendship ended. I stared down at the ground where it had happened. He didn't say anything and I was grateful. I just needed a moment to think.

In a way it helped. Revisiting this place felt like closing the book. Maybe now I could really move on? That night had changed so much for me, not just our relationship, but every single one that came afterwards. I was so afraid of being hurt again that I never gave anyone a chance. That's why I'd spent my adult years alone. The only person I thought I could trust was myself. And now he was back in my life, Dan too.

'Whatever happened to him?' I asked Dan. After all, he had stayed behind long after I had gone.

'He erm...I know he went to prison for a bit.'

'What for?'

'Assault.'

'Is he still there?' I dared to ask.

'He came out last year and was found dead not long after.'

I couldn't describe how I felt. I was grateful that the wretched creature who had ruined my life was no longer breathing the same air as I. But he never got the justice he should've been served. I hadn't been strong enough at the time to tell the police. I could only hope he'd never touched another girl like he had me before he died.

'How does that make you feel?' He asked. I sort of shrugged.

'I don't know...relieved, I guess. Knowing he's gone. Shame I wasn't the one to kill him.' I mused. The thought had gone through my head more than once.

From nowhere, the heavens opened. It was as though someone was throwing buckets of water directly at us. We ran for cover but were already soaked through to the bone. We screamed with laughter as we bolted for the biggest trees.

'Oh my God!' I giggled, shaking the water from my hair. I was sopping wet, head to toe. Dans spiked up hair now hung across his forehead and he could no longer see through his glasses. He ran his hand across his hair and flicked the water at me. I squealed and shook my hair at him.

'Oi!' He chuckled and then jumped up, purposely knocking the branch above our heads and creating a second mini downpour. I could barely breathe for laughing. I punched his shoulder playfully. I must've accidentally declared a tickle war, because he got his hands under my arm pits and all over my stomach, his hands making me howl with laughter. I couldn't even fight him off because I had no energy. We ended up collapsed on the floor, now not only wet but filthy with mud too. There was a break in the storm and we ran to the car, diving inside and still laughing like lunatics.

We got inside my house and I headed to the bathroom to grab towels as Dan got the log burner going. I had dumped my wet jeans in the bathroom and walked out in just my wet tee and knickers and a towel around my shoulders. Normally I did my best to stay totally dressed around him, still not entirely comfortable about being naked around anyone. But my jeans were heavy with water and my legs too cold and wet to put a fresh pair on right then. I walked into the living room, Dan having undressed and stood in just his boxers, stoking the fire. I tossed him a towel and I saw his eyes flick down to my legs. I shuffled nervously. He didn't say a word but held out his hand for me to join him.

I sat in front of him, in between his legs. He gasped when the wet of my tee touched his bare chest.

'You can't wear that, you'll catch a cold.' He told me. I didn't reply. I didn't want to take it off and expose any more skin. But wordlessly he took the towel from my shoulders and then kissed the side of my neck. I felt calm and reassurance wash over me. His hands went down to the hem of my shirt and brushed against the skin under my navel. He slowly peeled the wet shirt from my skin and up over my head. And then he wrapped his towel around us both. I relaxed back into him, my back against his chest and stared into the fire.