Bad Blood

39.

I could hardly sleep or eat. I was so close to breaking point at any moment. And matters were made worse when the press got hold of the story and began hounding me. I ended up having to move back to Olivia and Woodys to avoid having cameras and reporters in my face. I was glad I had the company though, because I was out of my mind with worry and at least I had them to keep me sane. All I could think of was how Dan was missing precious time with the twins. I was allowed to see him once a week at the prison visitors room for an hour. The first time I saw him had been a week after his arrest.

The moment he walked in, dressed in a grey track suit, I broke down. I ran into his arms, unable to believe he was in this place. He did not deserve to be in there with criminals, rapists, murderers. Everywhere I looked were men twice the size of Dan, all covered with tattoos and leering grins.

'I miss you so much.' I cried. And he began to cry too. Seeing him so broken only served to upset me more still. His skin matched his uniform and he had bags under his eyes. I couldn't even begin to imagine what it must've been like for him.

'I am so sorry I've done this to us.' He hid his face behind his hands. I pried them away and held them, forcing him to look at me.

'I am going to get you out.'

'How? I did it.' He whispered almost silently, looking around nervously to see if anyone heard him. 'They know I did it.'

'But if we just tell them why-' I offered. I had thought long and hard about it. To begin with I'd never wanted anyone to know what had happened to me. But now it seemed like such a small price to pay to have my Danny home in time for the twins birth.

'No. If I say anything like that, it'll be premeditated murder. I just can't see how I can get out of this.' He was right. I didn't know what we could do to fight this. They had the evidence. Short of me breaking into the police station and stealing it or Dan tunneling out of prison, I didn't know how we'd come out of this with him being freed.

With each visit, I left feeling more hopeless. Each week I would arrive, being searched by a prison guard for drugs, being treated like a criminal, and would sit on plastic chairs, watching him withering away. Every time he saw me he couldn't believe how big my bump was becoming. He spoke to them and I swore they recognized his voice because I'd spend the rest of the day with two very active babies battering me from the inside. Our one hour a week together was all I had to cling onto to get me through it. And then I'd go home and cry.

Each night I would crawl into bed alone, sleeping on a blow up bed in the floor of Ellie's nursery, praying for a miracle. Dan had missed so much of my pregnancy. Time we would never get back. He never got experience my mood swings or demands for midnight cravings. He never got to laugh at me for weeing myself. I never got a massage when my back was aching. One night I thought I was going into early labour and had ended up with Woody driving me to the hospital. Luckily it had been a false alarm. Then there was the scans, where I'd seen the boys hugging and smiling and yawning away. I had done it all alone when we should've been sharing these memories.

The case was opening in under a week. I was now the size of a double decker bus, exhausted and fed up of not being able to see or speak to Dan whenever I wanted. I missed his stupid texts. I missed our random road trips. I missed us. With Christmas, the babies and the court case fast approaching, things just weren't getting any better. I'd been forced from my home and my boyfriend was in prison and the babies were draining me of all energy. This was not how I'd imagined pregnancy. Even though my attackers were dead and gone, they were still controlling my life. My only regret was that it hadn't been me who killed them.

And then it hit me. I knew how to fix this.

I had barged through crowds of Christmas shoppers as fast as I could waddle, on the tube and through London to Dans lawyer, Garys building and let myself into his office, ignoring the receptionists protests.

'What evidence do they have?' I demanded to know.

He was initially unwilling to tell me, but once he'd ushered the client he'd been speaking with out, he sat me down and got out all the files. So far I had buried my head in the sand and left it all up to him to fight.

'They know it's his car through paint left at the scene and markings on the car that was impounded from your home. The wrench and the rope found at the two other scenes has his DNA on. But they also found a second DNA, which they've yet to run through their database. There is no CCTV. No witnesses. No motive. But he has no alibi and he is linked to all three men.'

'Tell me straight, is he going to go down for this?' I needed to know. 'From cases you've done before, is it enough evidence to send him down for life?' I could tell he was thinking what to say next. Did he want to upset the heavily pregnant lady who'd just barged into his office?

'Yes.' I appreciated his honesty. 'It would take something incredibly substantial to turn it around. The character witnesses, yourself, his friend Kyle and his manager, probably aren't going to be enough.'

I left the office buoyed up, despite receiving the bad news. The idea came to me so fast that I hardly had time to piece it all together in my mind. The answer had been staring me in the face the whole time. Or at least, the answer was stopping me seeing my feet the whole time.

The next week went by quickly and before I knew it, the day was here. It would all be over soon and I would have my Danny home just in time to be a family. I hadn't spoken a word to anyone about what I planned to do.

He was sat in the dock, locked away behind a glass panel, wearing the same suit from before and his head hung low. I had managed to find a blouse and trousers big enough to fit me. I'd barely been able to climb the stairs to the gallery without help from Kyle and Will. We were all there to support Dan.

The judge began proceedings, confirming Dans identity and introducing the barristers and the jury. It began with the prosecution displaying all the evidence and Dans lawyer trying and failing to disprove it. I had planned on waiting for my turn as character witness to speak up, but this had already gone on four months too long. I wouldn't wait another moment.

I felt possessed as I stood up. I could hear my heart beating in my ears. With my hand firmly on my bump, I took in a deep breath.

'I did it.' I said loudly. But no one heard me. No one was paying attention to the friends and family area. 'I DID IT.' I yelled. Silence fell. I could feel the eyes of Dans friends, his parents, Olivia, Jazz and Jason, and the entire courtroom staring at me. For the first time, Dan looked up at me. I couldn't read him. He was somewhere between angry and upset.

'I beg your pardon?' The judge said to me.

'It was me. I killed them.'

'Gracey, no. Don't do this.' Dan yelled and tried to fight his way out of the box he was locked in.

'I killed them. I beat Martin to death. I ran over James. I hung Pete. It was me!' There was whispered murmurs and shocked gasps. The judge stared at me, contemplating what to do. 'Please, let him go.' I began to cry once more. I needed them to believe me. It was the only option we had.

Kyle was now stood up, attempting to sit me down.

'Grace, what are you doing?' He whispered. I tried to shake him off.

'I killed them. I killed them all.' I sobbed and sank to the ground. 'The DNA on the rope and the wrench is mine. I was driving the car. I did it. He had nothing to do with it. When we were sixteen, James and Pete beat up Dan and made him watch while Martin raped me.'