Bad Blood

21.

He never pushed me to speak. He just drove until I felt like I could. And it was a lot easier now my head was clear. I had no idea where we were when I asked him to pull over. We could've been in Scotland for all I knew. The only sign I'd seen was one reading 'Nottingham 26 miles' about an hour before. So we were somewhere in the midlands. It was pitch black and the middle of the night. He turned off the engine and silence swept over us.

'Before you say anything,' he began, turning in his seat to face me, 'I just want you to know how sorry I am and I know I've said it a million times, but I truly am. There is nothing I wouldn't do to stop what happened.' I had to jump at my chance to ask him what had been bothering me the entire time.

'Did you know it was going to happen?' My voice was shaking. I had to know the truth. He sighed and ran a hand through his messy dark hair.

'I did tell Martin where I was going. And I had hoped we'd...you know. I wanted it to be special. But I never thought he would do what he did. And I know it doesn't change a thing but you just need to know that you can trust me.'

'I know.' I sighed. I felt a little relieved. I'd been pinning it all on him. Like he was the one who had hurt me. I had blamed him for so long. And wrongly so. 'And I do trust you. I trust you more than anyone in the world. I've had so many people around me my whole life who've turned out to be something they're not. My Mum...Gran...but you were what held me together. After that night, I felt destroyed. Like everything was over. And it was for you and me. I didn't just lose my innocence and my confidence, my hopes and dignity. I lost you too. And maybe I shouldn't have run away, maybe things would've been ok eventually. But I had to do it. And because of that, I'm not a normal person anymore, Dan. I know that.' The tears began to flow. I couldn't believe I was speaking my mind out loud. No one knew how I felt because I'd never told anyone. And instantly I could feel the weight lifting from my heart.

'You're right, you're not a normal person. Because you're an amazing person.' He told me, placing a hand on my knee and smiling kindly. 'You went through all that and came out the other side.'

'I'm not through it yet. This is the problem...I can't have normal relationships. This thing...whatever it is we have now, it isn't normal. You're my friend and I love you but I don't think I can do this...'

'We're not doing anything. We won't do anything you're not comfortable with. We can take it one day a time. But I am here for you no matter what. I'm not going anywhere, ok?'

'Oh Dan.' I spluttered and threw my arms around his shoulders, burying my face in his neck. He laughed to himself and rubbed my back. I felt like I was about ready to burst. It was like things were starting to click back into place. The next logical step was to begin the hunt for my parents. And like he'd read my mind, he broke our embrace and held my hand. I liked how it felt.

'Do you still want to find your mum?' I nodded enthusiastically. I hadn't mentioned it to him since the day at the solicitors, because he'd made himself clear that it would end in tears. And it had occurred to me that maybe Gran had told the truth about my Mum dying. But I needed to find out either way. 'I know I've said it's a bad idea to find your parents, but I want to help you.'

'Thank you.' I told him and squeezed his hand, just smiling madly at him. Everything that needed to be said had been said. Most of my worries had disappeared. We were just going to carry on as we were, there was no pressure to label what was going on. I enjoyed his company and felt at my happiest around him. Work was going well. Money worries were long gone. And now I could hopefully find my parents. Things were certainly looking up and for once, I was excited. Excited about what the future was holding for me.

It was morning by the time we arrived back in London. I dozed off in the car and only awoke when we stopped at mine. I invited him in for a cup of tea, but before the kettle had even boiled, he was snoring away on the sofa, mouth wide open and glasses still on. I watched him for a while as I sipped my tea. It felt strange now, in the light of day and now my emotions had calmed somewhat. This guy was so special, like I knew he always had been. Such a caring, kind soul. I couldn't believe I'd wasted so many years being away from him.

'Hey.' Olivia whispered as she entered the room. She had spotted Dan straight away and gave me a confused grin.

'I'll explain later.' I mouthed. I hadn't seen her for a few days, our work shifts clashing as always. But I did have something to talk to her about. 'Look, I've been thinking about getting a new place a bit closer to work, and I didn't know if you wanted to come with me or...?' I trailed off, not wanting to be the one to suggest we go our separate ways. I loved living with her, she was the perfect house mate and had been a great friend to me. But we'd lived here almost a decade and it had gotten cramped with all our belongings. And the commute to work was another part of my life I wished to change.

'Well actually...I sort of needed to talk to you too...' We headed to the kitchen area so as not to disturb Dan. I wondered what it was she was about to drop on me. 'I've been seeing this guy for a little while and things are getting serious and he kind of broke up with his girlfriend and needs a place to stay, so I was going to ask you if he could crash here...' She was being awfully coy. Of course I didn't have a problem with her having a guy stay here, it was half her home too. But I'd had no idea she was seeing anyone. She hadn't mentioned a thing. But something in my head pinged.

'Woody?!' I questioned. Surely not? But the smile creeping upon her face said otherwise. I covered my mouth but it didn't stop a squeal escaping. She shushed me, turning to see if Dan had stirred.

'No one can know, ok?'

'Olive! How longs this been going on?'

'I don't know, a few months, since the gig really. I didn't want to tell you and mess things up with you and Dan, and oh yeah, what is with you and Dan? Are you guys...?' I suddenly found myself feeling fourteen. I couldn't help but giggle at our amazing story swapping. This whole time my housemate had been dating my best friends bandmate. It was like being in a sitcom.

'We're not together. But we sort of are.' Olivia jumped up and down, silently screaming. My cheeks turned red.

'I knew it. Woody said Dan was mad about you and I'm really glad you guys got talking again.'

'Look at you! 'Woody said'! I can't believe you're seeing him! What the hell?!'

'I know, right!'

'So you wanna stay here and I'll move out and I guess we'll see each other on tour?' I laughed. What an insane turn of events. The last twenty four hours could not have gotten any weirder.