Bad Blood

15.

I was having a particularly stressful day at work. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep, but at the rate things were piling up, that wouldn't be until midnight. I'd eaten my lunch at my desk and barely been for a toilet break before more files were placed on my desk. I wanted to cry.

And then my office phone rang.

'Grace Taylor speaking, how can I help?'

'I've been ringing and texting you all day, you ok?' I felt my heart lift.

'Danny!' I beamed. 'Sorry. I've not even looked at my phone. What's up?'

'Nothings up, I got worried when you didn't reply.'

'I can't even tell you how swamped I am right now.'

'Quit.'

'I can't quit.' I laughed.

'Do you wanna do something on Friday?' He sounded like an excitable child. 'I've got a weekend off and we could hang out?'

'I can't. I'm so tired from work I'm just gonna chill. On my own. And sleep.'

Exhausted didn't cover how I felt. Every inch of me ached with tiredness and each tube ride home every night I thought I would fall asleep and never wake up. I wasn't falling asleep until three most nights because of my mind going into overdrive. Gran. My real family. Dan.

By the Friday night I was so dead, I would need a whole month of sleep to catch up. I came home, dumped my bag and collapsed on the sofa, face down. My eyes hadn't been shut for more than a minute before I heard a horn go outside. It beeped twenty times before I hoisted myself up. Who the hell was that? They were about to get a face full of abuse. I pulled up the sash window and stuck out my head. Dan was sitting on the hood of his car beneath. Beckoning me down.

'Pack your bags!' He yelled.

'Why?'

'We're going on a road trip.'

With a rush of excitement, I flew around the flat, grabbing clothes, hair products and make up and within a minute I was I bounding down the stairs and into the street. I couldn't even be mad at him for ignoring my plea about relaxing on my own.

'Where are we going?' I asked but he refused to answer.

'Surprise.'

I tried my best to stay awake and hold a conversation with Dan as he drove, but my eye lids kept shutting and my head bobbed forwards, jolting me awake. I could hear him laughing quietly to himself.

I fell asleep in the car, my head awkwardly against the window. I don't know how long we'd driven for before we stopped. The sun had began to set. I got out in a daze, shivering from head to toe. I stretched and yawned and my eyes settled on what lay before us.

'Oh Danny.' I threw my arms around him.

'I thought you'd like it.'

We stood on the side of the road, by a bridge overlooking a beautiful enclosed sandy beach. The sea was far out but I could just hear it lapping against the rocks. It was just as I'd imagined it when Dan had promised we'd go one day. I took in a deep breath of salty air and I felt content.

We ran down to the sea, both of us giggling like children. I kicked off my shoes as we ran. The feeling of sand between my toes was amazing. I'd never been to a beach before. And then we reached the water. It was surprisingly warm. With my toes in the sea, I glanced sideways at him. He was already looking at me, a smile on his face. This had been just what I needed. I wanted to keep going, all the way in.

I took his hand and smiled back at him.

'Thanks.'

'Anytime.' We stood for a while, quietly watching the sun setting across the water.

'Do you wanna get a hotel room?' He said quietly once it began getting dark. I nodded. We got back into the car and drove for ten minutes before finding a Premier Inn. Our feet padded along the carpeted corridor. He carried our bags and I let us in. The double bed looked incredibly inviting.

'I'm hungry. Let's ring for food.' He said as I crashed out onto the amazingly comfortable bed.

Half an hour later we sat upon the bed, cross legged, cans of beer in our hands, eating our way through far too much food for two people. I couldn't believe how amazing the day had been. What an amazing thing he had done for me. Once we'd eaten our fill and drank too much beer, we got under the covers and he draped his arm around my shoulders. As always, we spoke about the past and how much fun we'd always had. And then talk turned to the future.

'We should do this more.' He told me. 'I've missed this.'

'Yeah, it's really great having you back.' I admitted. 'Sorry for...for running away. I just couldn't stay in that town another minute. I had to get out.'

'I get it. I would've done the same. I did the same. I can still hear you screaming in my mind. It haunts me.' As he said the words, he pulled me closer and we shuffled so we were lying down. I rested my head against his shoulder and I could feel his heartbeat. No more was said.

He fell asleep long before I did. The rubbish film that we'd had on in the background had finished and the telly had gone onto terrible nighttime adverts. I needed to turn it off but I didn't want to move. I felt so safe in his arms. Just like the night of the incident in the woods, when he had showered and got me dressed. When I had cried myself to sleep. But eventually I couldn't keep my eyes open and I dropped off.

I felt trapped. I felt this immense weight on top of me and I matter how hard I tried, I couldn't move. When I shouted for help, no sound came out. I struggled and I screamed for hours but no one came to help.

It was the same nightmare I'd had most nights since I was sixteen years old.

'Gracey!' I heard a shout but I didn't recognise the voice. I felt two strong hands on my shoulders, shaking me. When I opened my eyes, everything was dark. When I tried to scream this time I heard it leave my lips. Even though I was now awake the nightmare continued.

'Get off!' I begged.

'Gracey, it's me, it's me.' In my confused daze I didn't know who it was. I felt one hand leave my shoulder and the bedside lamp was turned on, filling the room with light. And I could see his face.

'Danny?' I sobbed.

'It's me, I'm here, you're ok.' He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face into his chest. I continued to cry, soaking his top. 'I wish I could take it all away.' He whispered.

'I can't stop thinking about it all since you've been back, I don't know what to do. I miss Granny, I don't know what to do about my family...I just...I'm so tired of everything right now.'

'I know. Come on.' He rocked me gently, shushing and running his hands through my hair. Why did my life have to be so complicated and scary? I wasn't a bad person. For years I had convinced myself that I must've done some horrible things to deserve everything that had happened. I had deserved losing Dan and what had gone on in the woods that had scarred me so deeply. For so long I had buried it all away but now the flesh had been cut open and out poured all the pain.