Jemi Short Stories ❤

You don't do it for me anymore 6

I don't know where I am, nor what's happening. Am I breathing? Am I in heaven? Am I alive? Am I dead? Not a clue. 

I wish I am dead.

Let's be honest. My life fell apart and there's nothing that can keep me going. I just want to be reunited with mom again... and maybe I'll have my happily ever after. Joe is supposedly here for me, but what can he possibly do? He barely knows who I am, and I believe that you can't fix someone you barely know. Even if he's a doctor, it's purely impossible, right? You can bandage a damage, but you never really can fix a heart. I'm simply doing him a favor; he doesn't have me as a burden now.

I wish I wasn't addicted to drugs and alcohol. I know I'm already a fucked-up person, but it ruins me even more. Maybe Selena is right... I don't deserve to live in this world if all I do is consume to the point of overdosing myself. It's the less honorable death ever; even worse than my mother's. It shows that instead of seeking help like a smart human would do, I decided to run towards these ephemeral painkillers. Shame on me.

Suddenly, I hear some faint voices. Did I already arrive in heaven or is it someone else? I focus on the voice as hard as I can... I think it's Joe crying. It breaks my heart a little because he doesn't deserve any of this. He probably blames himself for absolutely no reason and I'm not worth his tears. I just feel so sorry for him; he should have never met me at all.

"You should go home," I hear an unknown voice say. "C'mon, Joseph... You spend way too much time in this hospital. I understand that it's someone close to your heart, but you've been staying here for days and nights. Think about your well-being before anything else, my friend. She might take a while to wake up."

"I can't risk it!" I hear Joe's stressed voice respond. It makes me feel guilty for an instant. "I promised I'd be here for her and look at her now! She's all weak and it's my fucking fault! I should've known, I should've known... It was a bad idea to leave her alone in the house knowing that they are pills somewhere in my room. When you're in the state of hysteria, you end up discovering every hidden place. I should've been more responsible."

"You couldn't have prevented any of this even if you wanted to," the male voice, full of compassion, continues. "Please don't blame yourself for the love of God. You did your best to help, and now everything is up to her... Just silently pray, okay? I'll be in the cafeteria if you ever need anything."

"Alright," Joe sighs, exhausted. "Thanks, Zachary, you are an incredible friend. I think I'll stay here for one more night... If nothing happens, I'll go home. Happy?"

"Very. Oh well, I won't disturb you for longer. Good luck and good night, doctor Jonas."

I lose most of my senses again. So Joe is actually patiently watching me and waiting for me to wake up? It's surprising that he didn't give up yet; anyone else would. He really should let me rot in hell instead of holding on. I'm just a hopeless case.

That's when my vision becomes slightly blurry. I think I can distinguish some shadows, but I'm not sure of anything. Am I moving? I don't even know. Am I waking up? I inwardly hope so. After all, I want to be in this world just a little bit longer. 

After a while of struggling, my eyes flutter and slowly open. I stare at the blank ceiling for a few seconds, beyond shocked that I woke up from my coma. Did I really survive from this catastrophic overdose? Is life giving me a second chance? I don't deserve it; I truly don't. 

I feel tears rolling down my cheeks. Wow, the first thing I do when I wake up from the dead is crying. I turn my head toward the side and see Joe sleeping peacefully. It must be very late at night or early in the morning; I can't tell since the blinds are closed.