Depression Journal

My love life

Nonexistent
Sort of
I've had multiple people have crushes on me, and I know because I can tell most of the time, and also people tell me.
Currently, there is a guy who likes me, but I don't like him. He knows I know because our mutual friend told me and told him that she told me, but he hasn't confronted me about it. I catch him staring at me all the time, and one time I'm pretty sure his friends tried to push him into me and to ask me out while I was waiting for my friends, but I don't think they realized that I noticed.
For me, it's really hard to tell if I have a crush because my anxiety acts up and when I know someone has a crush on me whenever I see them I get nervous that they are going to talk to me and I would have to embarrass myself and tell them that I don't like them, so I tend to avoid people who have crushes on me.
(Oops stopping for a self harm break)
One guy who (im pretty sure) had a crush on me was popular, and I figured this out because one day in class he was making noise and goofing around so everyone in the class looked at him and when I did he looked me straight in the eyes and said "I win" to his friend. After that I kept catching him staring at me and now whenever I see him he avoids me (like I did to him)
There's also another guy who I think likes me currently, I always catch him staring at me (what is this with guys always staring at me?) and he seems nervous around me. The only problem with this guy (besides that I don't like him) is that I think he's seen my self harm. In p.e. We had a volleyball unit, and you have to change into short sleeves and shorts for gym (haha so glad I don't have gym for 2 months) and he was in my group, so while we were practicing, my self harm was showing and you follow the ball, so when it hits my arms, you see the self harm. I don't know if he noticed, as this unit was when I scratched myself with small scissors, and they weren't as bright.

Also, if you have noticed that I never mentioned my crushes, it's because I've never had one. I suspect I am aromantic, but sometimes it's hard to tell if I have a crush (at the beginning) so I don't actually know if I've ever had one.

Also I have decided to find quotes and photos about mental illnesses and share them with each of my entries. These entries will be in no "schedule" but I think it will mostly at least one a day.