A journal of a 13 year old girl who is depressed, has anxiety problems, is suicidal, and self harms.
READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Just remember, hate comments or anything that may suggest that I either don't have it too bad, or basically anything negative...
Ok so I am actually going to tell my friends my problems tonight. I basically wrote (wait lemme check)
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
This much about my problems(Half of it is random stuff because I'm anxious)
I have to wait for my friend yan to go to sleep to send these. I'm not sending it to all of my friends, because some of them are depressed and telling depressed people I'm depressed when I actually know them makes me anxious, so I'm only telling yan, Anna, can, and Elena. I'm so nervous they are not going to believe me because I recently had 2 friends share that hey are depressed, and I am positive I have another depressed friend. (Fun fact in health we learned that 1 in 6 Americans have a mental illness. Guess what? There are 6 people in my family! Woah! Looks like I'm the one with a mental illness here) Currently it's 11:42 and yan is still awake. I will stay up all night to say this. I've been preparing for hours, I've cried so many times, I'm so anxious and stressed right now, it would kill me to not tell them The thing that drove me to tell them was how I almost attempted suicide because of something they said, and they had no idea. I felt like they needed to know that, and the best way to tell someone something about urself that's hard to say, is to let it all out at the same time.
If u feel like it read this long-ass essay that I wrote to them, imma bleep names out but this is what I'm sending to them in probably less than an hour. If u don't feel like reading this, move on past it. It's 9389 characters though soooo
Guys please don't judge me for this. It was hard enough for me to say all of this, it will literally kill me if you guys treated me any different in any way. You will understand by the end of this (unless u are at the end, because I'm too lazy to write two delegate things for the beginning and the end. Yay"
Please please please I'm begging you guys I'm already so nervous but if I get to school tomorrow and y'all are either avoiding me or hugging me or asking me questions (besides the one I approved) I will be so nervous, I might cry right then. Please please please don't judge me it might actually be my worst fear.
This is so hard y'all don't know how many times someone has said something like "I hate myself" or "I'm so sad right now" and I wanted to say "me too" but I didn't because I was worried that y'all would wonder why and pressure me into telling you and then y'all would judge me.
By the way all of these texts have been written at least 2 hours beforehand because anxiety
This might be the most important day of my life, or it could also be the worst, when I tell everyone and no one treats me the same anymore.
Ok to take my mind off of this let's say a few random things that give me anxiety Not knowing how to spell words before texting them - so researching it and finding the correct spelling Going to peoples houses - ok so for this one I always get really nervous when I ring someone's doorbell to hang out with them because I always think "what if it's the wrong house? Wrong time? Wrong person?" Basically anything that could go wrong in that situation My door open at night - I can't have my door open at night I dunno why Ironically, talking to people about my feelings. Here's a quote about depression and this.
