Help

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So I talked about it in my maybe suicide note but I just literally had a whole conversation with my friends about how I am so happy that she's getting help for her depression but in reality I was crying and shaking I'm still so sad I kept saying "I'm so proud of you I want you to be happy now" when I'm the one crying and shaking. They don't even notice and when they do they don't help

How do people talk about depression so simply and how do they get help.
If I tried to get help without anyone helping me get help I would start crying and or have a panic attack right before I say anything.
I need help

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