Today was going ok, until right before school. I was about to go to school, I was a block away and school started in 20 minutes, when I remembered that I forgot a very important tool that I needed for a big exam 1st period. I told my Aunt (who was driving me,) and we sped back to my house(about 5 minutes away) so I could run in and get the tool, then speed back to school. I made it there 5 minutes before school started, but I was still marked late. I got into my class as the bell rang, and had to explain to my teacher why I was marked late. Afterwards I wasn't having as good of a day. During 6th period we talked about mental health and depression, and now
Rant time
OK so one thing my teacher said was "you can sense when something is wrong with your friend" OK EXCUSEEE MEEE IVE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR OVER A MONTH AND NO ONES NOTICEDDD YOU CANT ALWAYS TELL BECAUSE THEY PRETEND TO BE HAPPY! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT DEPRESSION IS BESIDES THE SYMPTOMS, also he never talked about self harm, which I think could have been useful to all of the other kids who haven't heard of it.
RANT OVER
But then I had 9th period which again, have me anxiety because my friends forced me to play inside the room where everyone was. I cried, half because of laughter, and half because I was so stressed.
Then 8th period and I couldn't concentrate but I still did the work anyway
7th period was stressful because everyone else in the class got to rotate the days they spoke in front of the class, except me. So now every day I have to read in front of my 7th period class, which also happens to be the only class I have with the guy who has a crush on me, so there is a big possibility of me having a panic attack in class. Yay.
I got home and thought about summer. How will I hide my scars/self harm in the summer if no one still knows? I also thought about swimming. I pictured the scenario
Me - no, I don't think I should swim
Friend - why?
Me - I'm scared I will never get out
Friend - so you have a fear of drowning? Just remember to swim back up
Me - no, I'm scared I won't allow myself to come up.
I went and sat and occasionally self harmed, wrote a new bit that will probably appear tomorrow (it's about my friends) wrote this, and did some homework that I really don't care about.
YOU ARE READING
Depression Journal
RandomA journal of a 13 year old girl who is depressed, has anxiety problems, is suicidal, and self harms. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK Just remember, hate comments or anything that may suggest that I either don't have it too bad, or basically anything negative...