The Tale of the Brokenhearted

Chapter 15: Time to Think

Bella's POV

My mother had given me something to think about. One little sentence really made me reevaluate the meaning of love and what I was willing to give up for it. I needed to know I was making the right decision. I needed to make sure that there would be no regrets. I was away for months trying to use logic to make a decision that can only be made by my heart. My heart was missing both of them both, Edward and Jacob. So I sat making small talk with Esme while I prepared to make peace with someone my heart desperately missed, Edward. It was hell forcing myself to be away from him but I knew he would understand. He was so patient and kind, I was sure that he missed me too.

"So you all played baseball?" I said making small talk. Esme nodded as she glanced to her husband held Leah in his arms, that was a development. The last time I was around Leah was hands down anti vampire. Now she looked comfortable with them, but something was off. It looked as if she'd been crying.

"It was fun Bella," Alice sat down on the other side of me. "We played guy versus girls, of course, the females won. We're just plan smarter." She giggled and then sighed. "To bad it started to rain, the rain had of held up a little longer we could played again."

"Yes, and our sweet Rosalie doesn't like to get her hair wet." Esme added and I couldn't help but chuckle. I felt comfortable but felt a little out of place. I chalked it up to not being around for a while and I was curious if they all hated me for leaving. I hoped not because I didn't hate them when they had left me. I smoothed my hands on my jeans I was trying to find the words to apologize. I needed to clear the air.

"Bella?" That voice it called me distracting me from my thoughts affecting my heart in only the way he can. Edward stood at the front door with eyes filled with alarm. Rosalie and Emmett mirrored his reaction. Jasper frowned and murmured something I couldn't understand, I could only imagine it was his upset for having to deal with his thirst around me again. "Bella, you came back." The excitement I expected wasn't quite there. I wasn't sure if he was asking me or just confused.

"Of course Edward, I told you I'd come back." I said as I grabbed his hands. "Look, there's something I need to tell you … all of you really. I walked him back over to the couch and sat closely beside him. He looked at me with guarded eyes. I hated myself for making him gaze upon me that way. "I hope you don't hate me Edward. I do love you I just needed time to think things through. I needed to figure out what exactly my feelings for Jacob really were." He arched his eyebrow at me he looked down at his fingers.

"Do you know now?" His stare was cold which made giving my answer a million times harder.

"No, I'm still confused. I know that I missed you like crazy. I couldn't stand being away from for that long. I know I love you very, very much. I just …" I was searching for the words to explain. "I don't know. I need more time."

"Have you told Jacob this?" He asked his tone was colder than anything I'd ever heard before.

"No, I wanted to come see you first. I needed to see you. I have missed your face." I placed my hand at his cheek and a frown etched his brow.

"Bella, I" He looked around the room the living room at all of his family members. "We need to speak privately." He murmured as he stood and offered me his hand. He lead me upstairs to his room even though we both knew everyone could hear it was just the allusion of privacy that was needed. He walked around his room, he finally stilled at his window looking out at the drizzle hitting the earth. He said nothing and it made me anxious, but I still couldn't ignore my draw to be close to him. I placed my hand at his back and lay my head against his arm. He looked down at me, still no smile, he just studied me.

"You were gone for months Bella." He whispered, then emotion colored his face. The hurt and pain filled his eyes. My heart sank I can't believe I made his beautiful face look that way.