gay one shots | ✔️

shot five: gentle remorse; part two

Miles's POV

As I make my way home, I cry. It's always my fault. It's never his fault like I tell him. I'm such a bad person, such a bad boyfriend. I cringe as I get into my house and up to my room unnoticed. I made him cry. I fucking made him cry. I hate myself.

The look on his face was desperate. He'd looked broken. I don't blame him. At least I got to tell him that I love him. Conner is probably the love of my life, and I didn't think I could ever let him go, but I just did. We're eighteen, and the love of my life is gone.

He's still on me, he's still there, and I want to keep him about me for as long as possible, but I know I shouldn't. I know that I need him, but I know I should let go. I still have the sweater I stole from him. I hold it to my chest as I cry into my pillow. I still need him.

***

"There's this really hot guy I think you should meet," Alessia suggests, her eyes sparkling as much as her drink.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "I--I don't know, I--I..."

"I know, I know. You're still struggling to get over him. The him that you're always talking about. But, you are trying to get over him, right?"

"Y-yeah, I guess so," I blush when I think about Conner--his sienna skin, his amber eyes, his full lips, his cheeky grin, the feeling of his lips against mine, or his skin against mine, our teeth colliding, our legs tangling together. I hold my head in my hands. It's been a month since I walked out on him, and he hasn't replied to any of my texts. They mostly just consisted of his name, apologies, things like that.

I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I thought maybe he'd text me back. I guess not.

I ran a hand through my hair as I glanced up at Alessia as she began to snicker.

"Look, Miles. You're going to have to face it. He probably hates you right now, and you've got to move on. You've got to have a friend. At least make friends. I'm not asking you to hook up with him or anything," she looked around the crowded apartment, the blue light shining on her face, other lights dancing around her eyebrows and lips. She grinned.

"C'mon, please? Just make a friend, okaaay? Plus, my girlfriend, Cameron is still here, and I'm kinda in the mood to make out with her right now."

I smiled momentarily, then nodded. "Okay. Where is this friend of yours?"

She looked me in the eyes and bit her lip, her eyebrows scrunching up in hope and sympathy. "Please talk to him, he needs a friend, uh-kay?"

"Alright. I'll--I'll give it a try."

She took my hand, pulling me over to a sofa in the corner of the room where an all too familiar back was facing me, talking to a girl I did not recognise.

I cringed, but Alessia raised an eyebrow, the rest of her face relaxed, her aura as sassy as I was. I sighed, and she nodded triumphantly.

"Just give it a try and just listen to him, okay?"

"O-okay, Alessia. I will."

My heart pounded as she joined Conner and the girl's conversation, pulling me along, and addressing the girl as Cameron. Cameron raised her eyebrows and they disappeared somewhere to make out or something, and we were left awkwardly staring at our feet.

"Conner, I--I'm really sorry. I--"

"I'm sorry too, Miles. I put you through too much. It wasn't fair of me to make you feel all of those terrible things."

"It wasn't your fault."

"It wasn't? Yes, it fucking was."

"It wasn't your fault. I'm serious. I just didn't know what to do, or how to take responsibility for my emotions and actions so I blamed it all on you. It isn't your fault. It never was."

"I guess I forgive you," he said so quietly that I barely heard him over the music. "I--I guess I never really got over you."

"I didn't either. I never got over you." I bit my lip and looked up at him, my heart ripping a hole in my chest and leaping out when his eyes met mine. They were so much more beautiful than I'd ever remembered.

"Conner, I'm so so sorry that I left like that. I'm sorry that I didn't apologise in real life because I was so scared of what you'd say. I'm sorry that I waited a whole month to talk to you. I'm sorry for everything. Everything that I did to you. I'm so so sorry."

I was sobbing at this point, but I didn't care, because no one seemed to notice, and no one seemed to give a shit, because everyone was preoccupied yelling over the DJ and talking to their friends. I swallowed and said what I'd been hoping he'd caught when I'd left.

"Conner, I love you. I love you so much, and I'm sorry that I left like that and I'm sorry that I treated you that poorly, and that I was such a jerk to you and--"

"Just shut up and kiss me," Conner said, pulling me into a kiss, his full lips connecting with mine again and again. My heart, I guess had found its way back into my chest, because it leapt out again and butterflies swooshed in, swarming my stomach.

Conner POV

His arms looped around my neck as he kissed back, and fireworks erupted in my stomach and chest. His touch, his lips, his smile, his kisses, they all came flooding back as our lips danced together, in sync. And soon enough, my legs had found their way around his waist, and we were sitting closer together than before. My stomach twisted as he broke away, looking up at someone who was talking to him, or rather yelling at us.

"Get a fucking room, lovebirds, and leave the couch for people who wanna have a drink or something!"

I grinned as he picked me up, smiling at the yeller.

"Thank you!" the yeller called sweetly after us as Miles put me down, and we started to walk down the stairs.

"Where are we going?" he asked me, and I laughed.

"I dunno, my place? Neither my parents nor Nancy are home," I replied.

"Okay cool, my parents aren't either, and as you know, my sister's in Seattle with her husband."

"Okay, then do you want to go to your house? Nancy will be back, but I don't know when she will come home. She's at the party we just ditched," I chuckled, feeling the night breeze against my skin.

"Okay. Did you bring your car?"

"Nope. Nancy drove. She's underage to drink, but not to drive. Speaking of, did you drink?"

He shook his head, and I grinned. "I didn't either. I can drive. I drove here."

***

It was too much in the car, trying not to focus on how he drove carefully, his eyebrows practically knitting themselves into a scarf, and how they relaxed when I spoke.

When he parked, he got out of the car, and so did I, and he took my hand, leading me to his door. He fumbled in the dark for his keys, but when we got inside, we took off our shoes, and he locked the door again and led me to his room. He switched on the lights, but my arms were around him in an instant, and our lips crashed together again. He held me tightly and closely.

We laid on his bed, our mouths in sync, my legs wrapped around his waist until I felt his kisses trail down my jaw, down my neck. I liked it, I liked him, but I stopped him and held his face in my hand. He looked at me, his eyes pleading me to tell him what he'd done wrong, but I just smiled and kissed him softly.

"I--I don't really want to tonight."

"Okay," he said, a smile peeking out onto his lips. He kissed me again and kissed my cheek like he always used to.

"I love you," I said finally, and kissed him, his lips nice against mine, it was good to be back in his arms.

"I love you, too, Miles," he said, kissing me one more time. "I love you too."