gay one shots | ✔️

shot thirty: therapy

We walked hand in hand out of the hospital and back to our car. He said he really liked his new therapist, and I was glad. I wouldn't want to relive what had already happened. Thinking about it, I drew him to my side, wrapping my arm around his waist. He leant into me, so I took that as a good sign. I could tell he'd been crying. I needed him here.

We got in the car, and I turned on the a/c. I was just about to start backing out of the parking spot, but I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Wait."

I stopped, and his hand fell into mine, so I laced our fingers together, turning to look at him, no pity in my gaze; just trust, and hopefully, the love would shine through too. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" his eyes searched my face, his eyes that were still a little red from crying, his hand clung to mine, his top teeth pressing down on his bottom lip.

"Adam, I hardly think you're the one out of the two of us who should be asking—"

"Please, Drew, just answer the question. Are you okay?" His tone was gentle. It always was, but this time it was too gentle. It was earnest.

"I-I..." Of course, the answer was no, but I was more okay than Adam and I could take care of him. I didn't want him to doubt that, but I also didn't want to lie to him. I bit my lip as tears welled up in my eyes. "Do you want me to tell the truth?"

"Please," he said and held my other hand.

"O-okay. If I'm being honest... I-I... no."

"C'mere," he said, pulling me into a hug. "I love you."

"I love you too," I started crying, and he did too, and I buried my face into his shoulder, and we sat there in a mostly deserted parking lot until I'd collected myself again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His words rang out like church bells in a deserted town, unexpected, but not unwelcome. I winced.

"Let's drive home first. It's air-conditioned there," I wiped my eyes one last time.

"If you need to, pull over." He kissed my cheek.

I nodded rigidly and backed out.
...
But when we got home, we didn't talk. When we got home, we fell in love with each other all over again and I was pressed against a wall, breathless, my lips waltzing with Adam's, our tongues moving together.

We did talk, however it was later that evening when we were in bed and the lights were out and the fan was a little bit quieter than usual.

The only light came from the dim moon that shone weakly through the window. I was wide awake, struggling to fall asleep, and spooning Adam when he turned around. He wove his legs through mine and our foreheads touched.

"Do you wanna talk now or...?" Adam trailed off and I smiled slightly, kissing his cheek. For being that half an inch taller than me, he was still such a teddy bear.

"Yeah. I can't fall asleep anyway soooo..." I let my vowels hang in the air as I felt him kiss my forehead, then his eyes were level with mine again and he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. And his eyes were open. Not just the sort of open when your eyelids aren't covering your eyes, but the sort of open that lets other people see what you're really feeling, the kind of open that shows vulnerability, emotion, trust.

So I open my eyes too, I want that vulnerability to be mutual because these moments are my favourite. When we lie close to each other and spill our hearts out to each other. It happens fairly often, but we both enjoy every moment of it.

We share everything, some people would say we share too much, but we've been together for four years, and we've managed that by being almost completely open and honest, and frankly, we wouldn't want it any other way.

So when this vulnerability is so completely mutual and we're in an open state like this, intertwined in each other's arms and legs it makes my heart leap out of my chest.

"God, I love you," Adam said kissing me, and I kissed back, smiling. We were avoiding the topic and we knew it. So I started.

"Do you want to go first?" Ok, so I didn't start.

"No. I want you to tell me what's going on lately."

"Ok. I won't hold back," I smiled and his fingers stroked the hair behind my ear. He knew I wouldn't hold back. He knew I was stalling.

I bit my lip and closed my eyes for a moment but then returned his gaze once again.

"Two months back you were in the hospital and I saw you almost gone and I was holding your hand in the hospital bed you were in. I was crying and crying, and I was staring at you, your face, the bandage on your arm, and darling, I broke. At that moment I realised how much you meant to me and what I would be like if I ever lost you—" my tears started, and so did his, but his hand stayed cupping my cheek and stroking my hair, my head, my chin. I felt out of place being comforted, but I breathed deeply thrice and continued, trying my best not to stutter.

"I realised that I've never felt this empathetic in my whole life. I realised that you were this close—" I showed him with my finger and thumb, narrowing the space between them to two centimetres apart— "this close to not being here, and that nearly killed me. I realised how much I needed you. You make my life so much better and I could never stand losing you. If you decide that I'm no good for you or that I'm just a shitty person and you're too good for me—which you may as well be) and you decide to split up with me it would hurt like hell, but at least you'd be doing it to live a happier life. And I'd rather see you happy than dead. So if I'm the problem dump me, if I'm the problem, get rid of me. I just need you to be happy because it kills me for you to be sad."

Adam was full force sobbing, and at this point, I was too, and I gave in while he pulled me closer and let me cry into his chest. His arms felt like home and his scent made me feel better and his eyes plead for me to understand, and I do.

"I love you," Adam whispered.

"I love you too."

Adam smiles solemnly. "You're not the problem. You know who the problem is."

I nodded. "I know."