How to Save A Life (Anthony Rizzo)

10- Scars

Clara

Time passes and things seem to slow down. I don't really leave the apartment all that much because I know he's going to find me sooner or later. He's going to want some answers but he really doesn't deserve them. I know that as soon as I see him he will get in my head, he's just that manipulative of a guy. And I am forever in debt to Jon and Farrah for dealing with him while I get squared away, he's not a easy guy to mess with and if it wasn't for them I would still be in that house.

But thanks to them I ended up with Anthony, almost the total opposite of that sad excuse of a man. Instead of hitting me he brings me dinner. Instead of threatening me he always reminds me that he likes my smile. Instead of abusing me he brings me flowers home just because. I'm not sure if Anthony is God's gift from heaven or the fact that any man who isn't my ex is a angel in my eyes, but Anthony was amazing. Almost too good to be true. I mean I haven't a single complaint about him as a person or as a player or as a friend. He's extremely thoughtful and cares so much for me even though I haven't made it easy for him to do so. I don't know what I did to deserve such a guy or why I'm so afraid to think about how good he is for me, but I guess only time will tell.

After laying in my bed once again getting lost in my thoughts I finally decide to get out. I'm usually a early riser but I got a decent amount of sleep for once so I stayed in bed. I still had the same nightmare I always had but instead of keeping myself awake I slept through it. I wasn't sure which one was worse, but according to the bags under my eyes, it was not getting sleep.

I start the coffee and grab some cereal from the cabinet. I pour myself a bowl and add the milk in. I sit at the island and silently eat as I wait for whatever it was life had for me to be thrown my way.

"Cereal, really" Anthony asks and I jump. I didn't hear him come out of his room and nearly scared me half to death.

"I'm too tired to make breakfast" I defend.

"I was just kidding Claire" he assures me and I sigh.

"Sorry" I mumble as I push soggy Cheerios around my bowl.

"You don't have to apologize" he insists.

"I've been living with you for nearly two months now, I shouldn't be jumpy around you still. I shouldn't have to worry about him finding me or what he's going to do once he does. But I am so scared, so scared of losing all of this I have here. Of losing you and losing my dreams because I'm not strong enough to get rid of him entirely" I explain.

"Claire... you're the strongest person I know" he insists. "The things you've been through, and how you got through them, that makes you incredibly strong. And the fact that you can still smile, that you can look at this world that has been nothing but nasty to you and say that it's still a beautiful place, that's absolutely insane. You are amazing and no one, not even him, can stop you" he claims.

"I don't want to hide in here for the rest of my life but I don't think I can face him again" I explain.

"You're stronger now than you were before" he insists but I shake my head.

"You saved me that time and haven't allowed me to make the mistake of going back there again. But that doesn't mean he's not going to find me. He works for the police department for crying out loud. He can get security footage and ask questions. He wouldn't file a missing persons report because he knows none of my files can be public knowledge without him getting ousted, but he's dead set on me being with him" I explain.

"Why though? Why does he want to hurt you" he asks.

"I don't know. Why do people do bad things" I ask.

"When they themselves can't figure it out" he claims.

He walks over and turns me around on the stool. He makes it so he was standing between my legs, a hand on either thigh. I was wearing one of his shirts because I felt comfortable in it and he let me have it because I wore it more than he did. I sleep in it most nights because it was huge on me and smelled like him. He looks down and lightly runs a finger over a scar on my knee.

"What's this one from" he asks.

"I scraped my knee trying to crawl out of our room before he dragged me back in" I explain.

"And this one" he asks as he moves his hand up my leg to the middle of my thigh. He rubs his finger over a slightly deeper but shorter scar.

"That's from a knife. Got stuck into my leg when he was upset that I missed dinner for a set show" I explain.

"What about this one" he says rubbing my arm.

"I broke my arm defending myself" I say.

"And this one" he says pointing to a scratch from my elbow down to my wrist.

"I actually don't remember how I got that one" I admit. "I stopped keeping track after a while."

He stops messing with my arms to look into my eyes. He runs his fingers through my hair until he finds my most recent scar.

"How did that one happen" he asks as he continues to play with my hair. It didn't hurt anymore but it was still sensitive.

"I was running away. I was trying to break my ties with him and instead he broke my skull with a brick. He knew that if he stayed around or called for help he would end up and jail so he went away from a while so they couldn't say it was him. You can't get finger prints from a brick and no one saw it so it didn't take much for him to talk his way out of it. Everyone knows what happened but he's a policeman, he's untouchable.

But I ran because I was done with him and the drinking and the abuse. I was trying to find some place where he could no longer hurt me. Too bad he lives in my head so no matter where I go he will always be there" I sigh.

"Your brain has created some amazing pieces of art. So I know you can think up of a future where he no longer haunts you. Where he cannot hurt you because you're so untouchable" he insists.

"I don't know how to do that" I defend.

"It's not something you do. It's someone you are" he explains.

"And how do I become that person" I wonder.

"By finding out who you really are. And staying true to her, not the you that's afraid of him."