How to Save A Life (Anthony Rizzo)

20- Forever and For Always

Clara

Anthony had gone out to get us some food and I clean up from breakfast I made while he did so. We keep running out of food and I keep telling him it's because we're eating it but he doesn't cook so he doesn't understand. But since he had a long homestand coming up we were going to need the food. He shouldn't be gone for long but I still missed him like crazy. Each second he's gone I feel like part of me was missing and he was the only solution to my problem. It's scary to think I have these feelings for him and I shouldn't, but at the same time only art gave me such a feeling of belonging and love before him.

After I get the dishes washed I get changed for the day. I pull on one of his shirts and a pair of jean shorts before calling it a outfit. I chill on the couch until there's a knock on the door. I smile to myself before jumping off the couch and up to the door. I happily open it up but my smile quickly falls once I see it wasn't Anthony behind the door.

"Eddie" I whisper as he looks me over. He looked pissed and that wasn't a good revaluation for me. I mean him being here was bad enough, but he was mad too and that only meant bad things for me.

"Do you have any clue what trouble you caused me these past three months" he asks as he steps towards me.

"I do, actually" I admit.

"Have you lost your fucking mind" he barks and I jump a little.

"Maybe I got hit in the head too hard" I challenged. That seemed to make him pretty upset.

"I can't believe you! I purpose and you run out on me. Then you disappear for three months and it turns out you've been hiding out with the best friend of the guy across the street. Do you have any clue the trouble I went through trying to find you" he asks.

"It doesn't matter. We're done Eddie, why don't you get that" I question.

"Because I never said we were done" he insists.

"What do you want from me? Why me" I say on the verge of tears.

"What do you mean why you? It's been you for years now. It's always been you" he insists.

"Just leave me alone, please" I beg.

"No. You're going to leave with me. Now" he demands.

"No" I scream and he slaps me across the face. I almost forgot what he was capable of. What he was willing to do to me to make sure I comply. And I forgot what it felt like to be so terrified of a person.

"Grab your shit. You have two minutes to get what you want before I drag your ass out of here" he threatens.

"And what if I don't come" I ask.

"Do you really want to go there" he questions. "You know what I'm capable of, what I can get away with. I don't think you would be stupid enough to get your little friend here in a situation you can't get him out of" he claims. I knew I was defeated and the only way to protect Anthony was to go with him. I always knew it would come down to this, but part of me was hoping it never did.

"Let me grab a few things and we can go" I whisper and he nods

"That's what I thought."

I go into my room and frantically search for a envelope. I find one and put a letter I had made the other day in the off chance this would happen. I set it on my paintings before grabbing a few things. I take my phone I've been using just in case I can maybe get ahold of someone and some other things I will want to remind me of my time here. I look around and let out a sigh, I had such a amazing time in this place. I sure was going to miss it.

I pack it all into a little bag and meet Eddie in the hall. He harshly grabs my arm and pulls me to the elevator. I look back one last time and let a tear slips as I think about what all I was leaving behind.

"Dear Anthony,

Every little girl at some point in their young lives dreams of being saved by a handsome knight in shining armor. To be swept off her feet and fall hopelessly in love with their savior only to live happily ever after.

What they don't say in those stories is the pain endured before the knight shows up. How she prayed every night for someone to come and save her, and how many nights that never happened. They don't talk about how even after she is saved she's still hurting, still so scared by the demons that haunted her for so long. And how falling in love can be more painful that what was happening before she even got saved.

You're my knight in shining armor Anthony. But you're not into the big heroics, you would rather keep me safe than go to the media and get credit for saving my life. You never asked me for anything in return besides the fact that I never shut you out. So I let you in and you helped me clean up. You reminded me of the little girl who just wanted to see her art in a museum. You reminded me how to love with my whole heart and how the bad times are just as important as the good ones. You never let me hurt too long before you helped me find my smile once again.

And I fell in love with you along the way, I really did. I regret not being able to tell you this in person, I regret not telling you every chance I had. I wish I could look you in your eyes one last time, hear you say my name and promise me that you will never let anything bad ever happen to me. I wish that I could fall into your arms and that you would never let me go, but I guess they're called wishes for a reason. Because if they weren't called wishes they would be called reality and I would be in your arms right now.

You know, there's one thing more painful than anything Eddie could ever do to me, and that's knowing that I was hurting you. I know it hurt you to see me stuck in the apartment. I know it hurt you every time you looked at me and you knew that we couldn't be together because I was so far gone. That's why I agreed to leave with him, because it will hurt for you to let me go, but not nearly as much for me to live every second with you scared of something happening or wishing I could be just about anywhere else and I couldn't be. You deserve the world Anthony, I could never give that to you. I could never be what you needed but I was what you wanted and it was really nice while it lasted.

But I'm afraid our time together is gone. I'm giving you the key to the shackles that tied you to me and putting the shackles back on with him. It was a choice I didn't want to make, but one that works out best for you and the people I care most about. You're free Tony, free to be who you want to be with whoever you want to be with. There isn't a thing in this world that you can't have, that you can't do or be. Just know I will always love you, I will always be yours. Thank you so much for doing the things that you did for me. You have such a beautiful heart, you made me feel so loved and so appreciated. Things I haven't felt since my parents were alive. Thanks for reminding me that there's some things worth risking it all for. I will never forget the things you did for me, and I'm not just talking about giving me a roof over my head. I'm talking about the times you held me when I had a nightmare. The mornings we would eat breakfast and just talk. How you used to send me flowers when you were on the road and you wanted me to know that you were still thinking of me.

I wish you nothing but the best in the future. I don't want you to come searching for me, I promise you won't like what you will find. I know it's hard to understand, but it had to end this way. I thought I could get away from him but I could never be free of him even if I was physically. He would never let me be happy somewhere else and I could never be happy knowing that he could hurt someone that I care about.

I just want you to promise me one thing, never forget about me. Never forget that I loved you with my whole heart and that I am forever yours. I'm not mad that you didn't stop him from getting me, I always knew it would happen sooner or later. You protected me like you promised, you saved me and my soul from the darkest place any mind can go to and for that I am thankful. There isn't a thing he can do that would compare to what you did for me. I will hold our sweet memories close to my heart, I'll replay them in my head every chance that I get. And I promise that I will never stop loving you Anthony.

Forever and for always.

Love, Clara."