How to Save A Life (Anthony Rizzo)

64- Light

Anthony

After the most excruciating three days away from my happy little family I return home and everything was good. Maddie was still alive and the house wasn't torn apart so that means Clara didn't lose her mind trying to take care of Daisy.

Right after I got back Daisy had her one month check up with the doctor. She was still kind of small but her organs fit her body and her heart was good and strong. Clara was doing well too and there didn't seem to be any complications. We just had to continue keep a close eye on the both of them, but other than that we were just a happy family.

As for tonight, I had something nice planned for us. Not too far from here there was a floating lanterns night where they release lanterns into the air like in Tangled and I really wanted to take Clara and Daisy to it, even though Daisy won't remember it. I only wanted to go to it if Daisy was healthy enough, and after her checkup we learned that she was.

So on our rare off day I grab my fiancé and my daughter and we pack up the car. We head down to Indianapolis and get there as the sun started to set. Clara puts Daisy in a stroller and straps her in tight. We head to a table and purchase a lantern for the each of us. We head out to the open field and waited for the sun to set so floating lantern show could start.

I look over as Clara smiles down at Daisy. She was such a great mother and no matter what I told her she wouldn't believe me. But she was amazing, no other way to put it. She worked so well with Daisy, she never cries for more than two minutes before Clara has whatever it is Daisy needs. I know Clara had a great mom and she just wants to be like that, but I wish she saw what I saw. How her eyes sparkle when she looks at her or how you could see how much she loves her.

"Why did you want to come here" Clara wonders as she assembles her lantern next to me.

"Because I've seen Tangled a hundred times and I always thought it would be cool to be a part of one of these things" I admit.

"Do you know why people do these" she asks.

"Not really" I admit.

"It can mean many different things to many different people" she claims.

"What does it mean to you" I wonder.

"The first thing is that this is my light in the dark. We have to wait for the sky to turn black to see what we really want. I think that's true in life. That when things are the darkest it's the easiest time to see what you want the most. Kind of like last year you were my lantern. My hope for some light in the dark. Something that could guide me in the right direction. Something I could put my faith in.

So in a way these lanterns are a light in the dark. And if it weren't for the dark there would be no light. So it represents that in order to see the light you must first go through the dark. Then you'll see just how beautiful that light is" she explains.

"Okay, I like that. And what's the other one" I wonder and she smiles.

"It's about letting go" she says.

"Literally or metaphorically" I wonder.

"Both" she explains.

"How so" I wonder. I could listen to her talk forever.

"The lantern can represent something that you've been holding on to. Something that you've had hanging over your head, a shadow if you will. So when you lift the lantern into the sky, you're letting go of whatever it was that you felt like you couldn't let go of before. Nows your chance to let it all go" she explains.

"So what does this mean to you" I ask and she smiles.

"Everything" she admits. "But for me I already have my light in the dark. I've had that for... how long have I known you" she asks and I laugh.

"A year and a half" I say.

"I've had my light in the dark for a year and a half, I don't need to go searching for the thing that makes the bad times bearable. I already have that. This is me letting go of the things I've carried in my heart. The things that's been weighing me down" she claims.

"And what's that" I wonder.

"Eddie" she admits and I pause.

"He still haunts you" I ask and she laughs.

"He always does. I hear him in the back of my head, telling me I'm never going to be good enough. That you will never really love me. And I know that's not true and he said all these horrid things just to hurt me, but it worked. You can forget what someone says but never how they make you feel. And sometimes I just feel in my heart the pain that used to be my life. Now they're just memories but sometimes they're shadows and I get stuck in them. And I try to get out but they follow me around. So now I'm going to put my past into a lantern, light it, and send it away" she explains.

"Do you think it's going to work" I ask and she laughs. 

"No. But it's a nice idea isn't it" she asks.

"Yeah. It really is."

Finally the sun sets on this warm September day. Clara and I send our lanterns into the sky with thousands of others before we send one up together on behalf of Daisy. The little girl watches as the sky lights up with peoples fears and hopes and dreams. Each of the lanterns meaning something different to everyone around. Daisy reaches her hands up and I smile big. I was always afraid I was going to miss moments like this. Things that you could never recreate ever again. And I couldn't be happier to be here right now.

"You never told me why you wanted to do this" she reminds me.

"Because I just figured it out" I claim.

"So what did you figure out" she wonders as she watches the lanterns float away. I watch her closely before a smile finds its way on my face.

"For you to see what I see every time I look at you" I claim and she turns to me. Even though it was dark I could just tell she was blushing.

"And what would that be" she asks.

"Light. So much light."