How to Save A Life (Anthony Rizzo)

38- Homesick

Clara

As our time in Mexico started to come to a end I found myself feeling homesick, something I haven't felt in forever.

I was with Eddie from my senior year of high school up until he passed this year. And for that amount of time he was my home. He never let me out long enough to get home sick and when I was gone I defiantly did not want to return.

So I wasn't sure what this homesick feeling was, because as far as I was concerned my home was right here with me the whole time. But the same things I came here to get away from is what's pulling me back. I miss my paintings and baseball and the guys and traveling. I missed it all. It might have been hectic but it was my life.

"What's wrong" Anthony wonders as we sit at dinner. It was the last night here before we pack up and head home so we wanted to have a nice meal.

"Nothing" I try as he sets his wine down.

"It's never nothing. You've hardly touched your food and you usually are already on to my plate by now" he jokes and I start to laugh.

"Nothing is wrong. I just got lost in my head, that's all" I insist.

"Anything you want to talk about" he wonders. I look into his deep brown eyes and I can tell he really wants to know what's going on right now.

"What it is like to have a home to go back to" I question.

Our flight wouldn't be going back to Chicago for we weren't signing a lease for the apartment and didn't have a house bought yet so we would be in Florida until that got squared away. So we would be staying at a place he had back home in Parkland by his family until further notice. And I wanted to know what his home was like since we would be spending the foreseeable future there.

"It's really nice, always remembering where I came from. Being proud to call that place home. And although where I've been isn't half as important as where I'm going, it's still good to come home sometimes. It's like a reality check that I'm no different than anyone else. I walked the same halls of thousands of people in that high school before me. I hit the same batting cages as kids are these days. I like going home because it's going back to where it all started, they root so hard for me and we are doing bad they're still cheering me on. I'll never get tired of going home" he claims.

"What if my home is you" I ask.

"Chicago is your home" he insists.

"Chicago is where I live. But it's also where I got hurt, where my parents died, and it's also where I fell in love and got started in painting. But I don't miss Chicago, I miss the life I had there. The life I have with you" I claim.

"So you're feeling homesick even though you see me as your home and I'm right here" he clarifies.

"I think" I admit.

"I don't want me to be your home. I don't want to let you down" he insists. 

"You could never let me down" I claim.

"Well if I'm you're home and I'm right here and you're still homesick then I'm pretty sure I am letting you down" he says.

"It's not like that" I sigh. "It's that I finally have something to hold on to, something worth losing. And I miss that, the early mornings at the apartment eating omelets and the late nights watching romantic movies. I miss painting and watching you play the game you love the most" I explain.

"Did you not like the vacation" he wonders.

"No! I did, I had a wonderful time. Some of the best times of my life has been in this past week and a few days. But I'm a introvert and I like being inside, I like being surrounded by things I know and I miss it" I shrug.

"There's nothing wrong with that. We weren't going to stay here forever" he insists.

"I know, I just didn't want you to feel like I didn't want to be here anymore or that you're not doing a good job of making me happy. I love it here and there isn't a person in this world I would rather spend my time with. But I miss being home, wherever that may be" I explain.

"It's wherever you make it" he insists.

"It's wherever you and me are" I say.

"And I'm never going to leave your side" he smiles.

After a amazing dinner we take a walk down the beach one last time. The flight left early tomorrow morning so it was one last hurrah before we left. We wouldn't find a beach like this even in Florida let alone Chicago.

I look out and see the moon reflect into the calm ocean water, the stars join the moon in the black sky. The water was almost completely still as it lets me admire it for its beauty.

"I'm going to marry you on a beach like this one day" Anthony randomly says and my feet stop moving letting me sink into the sand. His hand in mine as we turn to each other.

"Is that so" I challenge.

"Yeah. I got it all planned out. It's a small wedding, just close friends and family. It'll be far away from Chicago where no one can bother us. It'll be really intimate, flowers everywhere. You'll carry yellow Daisy's with you so you know your parents are still with us. It'll be the most stress free thing ever because everything with you is so easy. I'm going to cry because after all we have been through we can finally be happy together, and no one can tell us any differently" he claims.

"You've thought this through huh" I tease.

"Yeah. Sometimes it's all I can think about. What it would be like to say that I married the most incredible woman in the world. What it would be like to introduce you as my wife. To go to art museums and see Clara Rizzo next to the best painting in the whole building" he claims.

"You really want to marry me" I ask.

"That's all I want from this life" he insists and I smile. He leans down and presses his lips to mine softly then more aggressively.

Not soon enough we end up back in the hotel room with our clothes scattered on the floor. I was hovered over him closely as I feel his breath on my chest as I laid on top of him. His fingertips were sunken into my back as he holds me close.

"I love you so much" he whispers onto my skin.

"I love you too."