The beauty and the wolves (EXO fanfic)

Chapter 16: Learning to Love

JIN'S POV

My alarm rang at 4 a.m, just like any other day. I woke up, got into new clean bandages and would meet up with Mr. Lee to train in the snow. He would have me warm up and then we would go through drills, whenever I did something incorrectly he would correct me. There was one thing though that he got into my head right away. It was while he was showing me how to attack better with an enemy, I had miscalculated with one of my punches and the momentum was so great that it threw me off and in return Mr. Lee punched me in the face.

The force of it made me hit my face hard on the ice and snow. The blood never seemed to stop flowing and I was quick to ignore it as it dribbled down my chin. Mr. Lee calmly lifted me by my hair and kicked me hard in the guy. The wind was knocked out of me as I clutched my stomach in pain. "You must use the pain to your advantage." he said. "Pain is your ally. Your reminder; it is your discipline." He pulled me up by the hair again and held on until I could stand by myself.

"This pain is showing you to fight harder, to dodge quicker than before. To be better than before." He swept my knees and I fell back. I feel the pain and I look at him through tears. He looks at me with slight disinterest. "Tell me Jin-ah, do you have a dream?" he asked. "nee." I croaked out. "what?" he asked. "I-I-I want to protect the ones I care for." I said. He raised an eyebrow. " I'm surprised you didn't use the word love." he said.

I got up slowly looking at him. " I've chosen to avoid that emotion altogether." I said. He chuckled. "Leave." He said. "what?" I asked. He looked at me straight in the eye. "Leave, I don't want to see you again." He said. "whae?" I asked. " This is the reason why you will lose, until you learn how to love I refuse to teach you. It would be a waste of my time." He said. "You've got to be kidding me." I said. "I am not. You will never win if you do not feel this emotion. Pain alone will not get you to win, it may have before but you have relied on it too long and you have forgotten the most important thing." he said. "Until you learn to love, I don't want to see your face."

***
I trudged slowly to the dorms quietly to not disturb anyone. If anyone were to awaken they would surely take her to the hospital. It looked as if had gone to hell and back. My hair was matted and covered with dried blood, I had scratches and cuts running up my arms and legs. The bruises seemed to be tattooed onto my body, never leaving as new ones took the place of old. They wouldn't understand.

As I opened the door, I listened in trying to figure out if anyone was awake or not. Then I quickly ran into the bathroom, locking the door. I took off the bandages covered with fresh and dried blood. I shivered and saw that my toes and fingers had gotten slightly blue from the cold. I turned the shower on and climbed in as steam started to rise. The clear water turned red and I scrubbed hard wanting all of the blood off of me causing pain to pelt my brain.

I was almost done until I noticed that I had not taken off of the weights. As I took them off I saw a thick ring of purple consume the area around my ankles. I touched it and yelped at how painful it was. All I wanted was to go to bed but I still had responsibilities to uphold. I hadn't told anyone that Mr. Lee had quit training me and I was training myself. I got out and got dressed then looked into the mirror and I saw bruises around my mouth.

I put on some cover up that I kept for times like these and for good measure hid it behind an EXO face mask. I used my hair to cover the rest of my face. I walked out and everyone was already awake. Chanyeol came up to me, smiling. "Jin-ah, I didn't know you were a fan. I feel so touched." He said. I nodded but said nothing as I got in the car. Next to me sat Kai. "good morning Jin-ah." He said. "Morning." I replied.

"Today I was thinking that you and I will have a dance session."he said. "Jjinjja, you came up with that? and who said I would agree?" I asked sarcastically. "Unless you want our little secret to be let out, then..... but if you don't-" he turned to Lay who had his earphones on. He tapped him on the shoulder and said "Hyung did you know that Jin-ah- I interrupted him by pulling on his ear. "okay, okay. I'll do it!" I quietly screamed. Kai rubbed his ear. "That hurts." he said with a pouty face. Lay looked at Kai. "what were you saying Kai?" he asked.

"ah I was just asking, dont you think Jin-ah should take off her mask? She has such a pretty face that she shouldn't hide it, right hyung?" he asked. Lay looked flustered and stuttered out, "um it's her decision and quickly put in his earphone.

***
"Okay so I was thinking we would freestyle a bit and get each others feel." said Kai. I said nothing and just stared at him. The music started to play and I watched him with my arms folded. I was not going to join in so easily. He stopped and he turned the music off. "what is it Jin?" he asked. I shrugged. "I don't like dancing in front of other people, makes me lose my focus." I said. Kai looked at me, thinking. "Do you know the dance to Mama?" he asked. I gave him a look that said "really is that even a question?"

He nodded. "araesso, this is what I want you to do."he said. "I'm going to put the music on to Mama and I want you to close your eyes and pretend as if no one is here; just concentrate to the music, okay?" I looked at him. "Just trust me." he said. He started the music again and I closed my eyes listening to the intro play. I breathed in and out and focused on the music. My body moved to the beat as I forgot everything and all too quick the music stopped. I opened my eyes and I found Kai smiling. "what?" I asked. He shook his head. "nothing." He put the music back on and we both started to dance to Growl, we were halfway through the song when the door opened.

I stopped but it wasn't quick enough. "Jin! You dance?!" exclaimed Sehun. I looked at the floor. He came up to me and I saw Lay walk behind him just staring at me. Sehun grabbed my hands and held them. "We need to tell the others! You're good!" he yelled out. My mouth got dry and I shook my head. But he didn't see and started pulling me towards the door. I jerked my hand away and ran away. I heard someone running behind and then my arm was grabbed. I looked and saw that it was Lay. I tried to pull away but he held on to my hand, then he gently led me outside away from the company and sat me down on a bench. We stayed silent and then he turned to look at me.

I felt nervous under his gaze and I couldn't look at him straight in the face. He reached his hand out and took off my face mask. "Why do you hide your smile from me?" he asked. "I-I don't know what you mean." I stuttered. "I thought I made it clear that I wanted to see you smile more." He said. Then he gave me a look of confusion."Are you wearing makeup?" he asked. He touched the corner of my mouth with his thumb and I winced at the pain. "You have bruises around your mouth." he said. He wiped the rest off and his eyes widened. I could feel him, judging me. "Is Mr. Lee doing this to you?" he asked. "aniyo." I replied. "you wouldn't understand." "Then help me to understand." He said.

I couldn't take it anymore, I got up and walked away. He followed me and grabbed my arm again and I flinched. He let go. Then he grabbed my jacket and pulled the sleeve up, beneath he could see the gauze covered with dried blood. "What-What have you been doing?" he asked. "Getting stronger." I said. I could see sadness in his eyes. "Is that what you think you're doing?" he asked. "Hmph, I know thats what I'm doing." I said. "There has to be a better way than this." He pleaded to me. "How would you know? Pain is my ally, my reminder to be stronger; faster. It is my discipline. It tells me to fight harder, dodge quicker. To be better than before." I said.

I tried walking away again but he hugged me from behind. "Why do you feel like you need pain?" he asked. "let me go." I said. "Why don't you find a better way? "he asked again. "This is the only way I know." I replied. I started to cry. He covered my eyes with his hand. "why don't you let us help you? Why don't you let me help you? You don't have to suffer alone." he said. "You don't get it. I don't want people to get hurt. I want to protect not be protected." I said. "You need to let someone protect you. Trust me, when I say this; I will always be there to protect you. Won't you let me protect you?" he asked. "I don't know if I can." I said. "at least let me try." He said. I nodded and wiped my tears. "araesso." I said. "araesso."