Dongsaeng | J.J.K

[13]Break thy heart !

Song for this chapter
Fools by Troye Sivan

           

Jungkook was hesitant when EunHa popped up outside the house next day. He heard the honking horn and steadily walked outside with his backpack slinging on his back. JungMi took her usual spot at the front and Jungkook at the back.

A tape containing last night's event was running in front of his eyes like a hologram.

He was so confident when he confessed in front of her, when he told her about his feelings. At first she had no expressions. You know the pain you feel when you can't read your favorite book. It was the same as he felt because he couldn't read his favorite face. He wouldn't have said his heart-feels if she hadn't made him confused about her actions. Did she felt the same for him? And his confusion led him to say what he thought could never drive the courage to say so .

He waited for her to say something but she didn't utter a word. She could have even scold for his insane-talking but she didn't. She looked numb and stomped off to her car.

Leaving him hung in the cold.

And today her actions were no different. She still had an undecipherable face but she was constantly casting glances through the mirror, though he didn't know.

He really knew nothing.

He didn't know how heart began to beat abnormally when she heard him confessing to her. You know, when you force yourself to not to go to the road you shouldn't, to not to go cross an invisible line, to not to look in the mirror because–
Because you can't face yourself to think about something which is just un-happen-able.

Sometimes those nonexistent words describe your feelings the most.

And then, from that forbidden road, a person comes and tries to drag you there, to walk you on the way of uncertainties. To lead you where you're not allowed to go. To feel what you're not allowed to feel.

And that was certain, Jungkook didn't know this.

•••

After those long days of same routine of hide and seek, Jungkook decided to talk to EunHa. He just wanted to come out of the pain he was in.

He decided to drop by her university. Security let him in because he told them about his sister being a student here. Though he thought to not to let JungMi know he was here.

Searching through the map he already had, thanks to Internet, he reached near the fine arts department. He couldn't go inside or else he might get found by his sister. A little walk away, there was a garden in front of the department building. He thought to sit there for a while so he could keep an eye on the department door and wait for EunHa.

Little did he know, she was already there.

•••

At first he was taken aback when he found her there in the garden. Staring in the emptiness, she was just looking like the butterfly that moves from one flower to another. Or may be like the flower that waves with the air.

Or may be like the fallen leaf which was silently lying on the ground and would make a sound when being touched.

"Ha ! "                                                   
A squeak emerged from her throat as he came nearer and touched her shoulder with the small of his finger. She looked like she was so immersed in her thoughts and as if she wasn't even there.

"W-what are you doing here?" She stuttered a little, her eyes missing from  EunHa's signature sparkles .

"I need to talk to you...EunHa. "

"How many times I need to remind you that it's Noona ! "

He bit her lip as she shouted at him. It was really for the first time and deep down it hurt. He turned his head down and she turned away, scrunching her eyes. She couldn't hurt him. She never wanted to. But her heart was going out of her grasp.

She tried hard to not to let it go, to not to let this stubborn piece of **** fall for him. She could have succeeded but after the last night when Jungkook confessed, she couldn't find any reason to turn him down.

But now she had.

"You're making me confuse. Do you feel–"

"I'm not doing anything that would confuse you or give you any kind of wrong ideas. Did I ever made you feel something different? Did I ever tried to make any advances towards you? Did I ever did anything that would make you question my actions? Did I...ever said that I like you? "

Those words emitting from her mouth were turning into screeches which were hurting his heart. He had all the answers of her questions. He wanted to say that he wasn't blaming her for anything.

He was right. He never said that EunHa liked him. And who told that first?

"You're an unmannered kid who doesn't know a thing about respect. From today, I'm not even your Noona . Don't come in front of my eyes again. I would never, ever wish to see your face! "

His heart fell from its spot and shattered on the ground. Tears begin to form in his eyes but never came out. Was it a punishment he was destined to like her?

She left him standing still in there and walked out of the garden.

She would never wanted him to see her teary eyes and trembling lips.

•••

Omo my heartue !