Hooligan | Dazai Osamu

An Incomplete Soldier | (Wold War II AU!)

Yokohama railway station, 1945

Your whole body was trembling. Not from fear and not from cold, even though, it was indeed quite cool at this time of the year and you weren't wearing any jacket, except for his old coat, that he gave, before leaving. You were trembling from the agonizing anxiety and nervousness, which was threatening to make your heart ache because of the unbearably fast beating, but your mind was nearly blank in that moment so you couldn't care anymore about anything, except for the sound of the arriving train.

It's been 5 years since you've seen him for the last time. 5 years since Dazai has gone to war, even though, you wished for him to stay with you. You remembered, how in the first days after the war was announced, you were coming up with thousands of different plans of how to make him stay with you, but nevertheless, he decided to go there and face the death himself.

You used to message each other at first, but later, as things were getting worse and worse, messages from him were becoming rarer and rarer. Only recently, when the war was over, you finally started sending letters to each other again.

It didn't take long until you've gotten that letter, you've been waiting for all this time: he was finally coming home. You cried the hardest you ever did in your dear life, when you read those 5 words, because this officially meant, that this nightmare was now over.

The only thing, that you were worrying about, was that in his last letter, Dazai said, that he was finally sent home due to medical conditions. He didn't give any further explanations and that was what made you worry.

The loud sound of the opening train doors woke you up from your memories and thoughts. He was here.

Instantly, loud cheers filled the air as some people were already way too happy from reuniting with their family members or lovers to stay quiet and if you weren't looking desperately at each face in the crowd, that was passing by you, in an attempt to find your loved one, a soft smile would have most definitely appeared on your face because of the realization that in a couple of minutes, you'll be joining those people in a loud cheering too.

"(Y/N)!"

You stopped in your tracks as you got paralyzed. Were you having hallucinations or was it really that voice, which you were dreaming about all these years?

Without thinking much, you turned around as tears were already almost rolling down your cheeks, and your knees almost gave in completely, when you saw Dazai's smilling face, looking at you along dozens of others.

He was standing in front of you, when he noticed you and even dropped his suitcase because of his unbearable happiness, which was just as great as yours. He was wearing his war uniform with all the orders he got on his chest and you couldn't help, but notice, in the back of your mind, how badly you wanted to finally make him change into the normal clothes so that nothing would remind you about war anymore. Dazai's hair got a bit shorter and you could see a couple of grey strands in it, caused by the stress and fear, that he survived.

"Dazai!" You exclaimed, running over to him the fastest you could, as your vision became blurry because of the tears

He almost fell because of how you jumped on him, hugging him as tightly as you possibly could. You started crying even harder, when he wrapped his hand around your shoulders too, just like he did in the past, when you snuggled to him, before sleeping.

"Dazai!" You continued saying, missing how his name rolled from your lips "Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, Dazai..."

"I-It's me~" You felt him chuckle against the top of your head, pulling your closer, as his voice cracked because of the tears in his eyes, that he couldn't hold back anymore "I'm finally with you, (Y/N)~"

You smiled softly, when suddenly, the realization of something hit you like a wave and the smile on your face faded.

All this time, you only felt, one hand of his, hugging you.

"Dazai..." You whispered in disbelief, pulling back, hoping that you won't see the image on your mind

But in the hundredth time, life prove you, that hopes can never change the reality and all they can do is make you suffer more in the craving for the better.

When you looked at his left arm or it's better to say the place, where it should have been, you saw nothing, but the loose sleeve of his shirt and a jacket, trembling on the wind.

Tears suffocated you again and even Dazai couldn't resist the pain in his heart and cried out loud again, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"I-I'm sorry..." He managed to say through the choking tears "I didn't come back safe and sound like I promised...I'm now...like this. And I-I'll understand if you don't want an incomplete soldier in your life anymore, (Y/N). It's my fault for breaking the promise after all...I couldn't tell you this before because I had no idea how you'd react. I didn't know if you would still want to meet me if you knew about it or if you wouldn't, so I decided to not tell you because I wanted to see you one more time, at least. So if you want, I can leave you right now, (Y/N)...I'm already the happiest man because you're alive."

He smiled against the top of your head, pulling you closer with his right hand, obviously not wanting to let you go, despite everything he said a second before, because it didn't take to be very smart to understand, that you were his whole universe, that he would love to hold closely throughout his whole life...and at the same time, this was the reason why he was ready to leave you alone right there and then, even if during all these years, he was only dreaming about seeing you.

Your shoulders started to tremble, but not from the sadness or disappointment –no – but because of all the pain Dazai felt . You simply felt it through his touches or through the way, he was covering your face with kisses. You could feel how all these years, wether he was hiding in the trenches or wether he was lying in the hospital bed with another wound, he was remembering you every single day just like how you remembered him, when you were scared. You could feel how badly, he wanted to kiss you on the lips, but he was holding back because he still wanted to get your permission for it first.

The pain of his was far too heavy to handle.

"Dazai, you're an idiot." You smiled softly, finally raising your head to look him in the eyes "I've been dying to see you again all this time and now, how do you dare to ask me if I want you to leave? Dazai, with an arm or not, you're the only person, who I want to share my life with! I'll be the happiest woman to stay by your side and help you get used to it and get through all the troubles! So, Dazai, if you don't kiss me right in this very moment, you'll get in trouble...~"

Finally, a smile appeared on Dazai's face again as he wiped his tears with his hand, before wrapping it around your waist.

"A kiss, huh~? As you want, my princess~"

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment :3

IM LITERALLY CRYING AGAIN.

Also, this was a very random idea tbh, but I just suddenly imagined what it's like when smth happens to your loved one and I just wanted to write a one shot and remind everyone again, that the true love is stronger than anything. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't mind pulling their chair bc they can't walk or help them dress bc they lost their hand bc loving someone should mean loving them for who they are, not how they look.

Also, I'll never get tired of writing about war bc well, there are war actions going on one side of my country rn (I'm very far from it and it's not coming to me tho so dun worry)

Anyway, I hope, you enjoyed it :)