Hooligan | Dazai Osamu

Photograph (angst)

Dazai hated time. He was never given enough of it, nor his loved ones ever got it, before they were forced to leave him. But now, when he just wanted to die as quickly as possible, he suddenly was given too much of it, than needed, especially, when he was in such state.

He was old. Dazai's soul was old even when he was 20 so now, when he was 86, he felt as if he has been alive ever since the beginning of time.(A/N: I know, that the real Dazai Osamu died at the age of 38. It's just a one shot) He was drenched from life, exhausted, worn out like an old shoe, which now, could no longer bring any benefits.

The great Dazai Osamu, the infamous womanizer and the nightmare of anyone, who once angered him, was no longer strong and powerful: time was merciless to everyone and even to him. Wrinkles on his once young face, which was now dilapidated, showed how heavy the burden on his soul was. His eyes, hidden behind the heavy glasses, could no longer hide the tiredness and sadness, which were softened with the small bits of happy memories, that Dazai was keeping close to his heart. His body, weakened and emaciated, looked so fragile as if a single breath of the wind was enough to break it.

Once handsome and strong turned into old and tired, although the fire in his heart was still burning ever since he was first born, even if he sometimes forgot about it himself.

What a pity, that this fire was now burning out its last flames.

"Damn it..." He groaned, reaching over for the cane, that he need to walk, before standing up slowly

Each muscle and bone in his body seemed to ache with an unbearable pain, but he was too used to it to pay any attention to it now.

Walking little by little towards his horribly far destination – the living room, where he forgot his medicine – Dazai couldn't help, but sigh at the silence, that replied to his curses, leaving his mouth. How he wished now, that he at least could have some friends in this moment, not speaking about kids. He didn't even wished to have some close people as helpers, but at least, he wished he could have somebody to talk to. How long has it been since he last spoke to someone? A day? 3 days? A week? He couldn't even remember anymore.

"Ah, there it is..." He mumbled to himself, when he finally found a small box of medicine on the bookshelves, knowing that he's all alone in his small apartment, but he only did that to create an illusion that there's someone near him, who's willing to listen.

If only he could kill himself to be free from this agony, but no, you once made him promise you, that he will only die once the Time decides that it's the right moment for him, yet...where were you now?

Reaching over for the small box, something caught his attention: a photograph.

A soft smile curved on his lips, one that he hasn't used in a long time. It was just a very old photo of him and you, one of the few, that he actually managed to keep till this day and which was the dearest treasure of his. In the photo, both of you are still 22 years old, you are hugging Dazai tightly as he had an arm wrapped around your shoulders. You two have the brightest smile on your faces because even with an unarmed eye, it's obvious, that you two were simply in love.

"(Y/N)..." Dazai whispered, caressing the photo with his finger

Oh, how he wished, he could be there with you. He would give everything away to only hold your hand one more time or at least to take a brief look at your gorgeous features and see your smile. He wished, he let you know how much you meant to him and how you owned his heart ever since he first saw you. If he could only go back in time and hug you and kiss you numerous of times, he would gladly do that without any doubts because those 5 years spent with you were the best years in his whole life.