Hooligan | Dazai Osamu

A Lovely Mess (Mafia!Dazai)

"So...mind explaining me something?"

Dazai raised an eyebrow at the young girl, sitting on the edge of the bridge right next to him, who was staring blankly at the quiet river beneath them.

He was just wandering around the city, not caring if it was 2am in the morning for he was suffering from insomnia again, when suddenly, he met another living soul, who wasn't sleeping either: the girl, around his age, who was sitting on the bench in the park and sobbing quietly. He had never met her before, but being bored, he decided that maybe he could entertain himself by talking to her a little. Word after a word – a conversation was started. And soon, he suggested going to this bridge, saying that this place was very calming for some reason.

"You were crying your eyes out just 20 minutes ago and now, you're suddenly silent. Talk to me a little." Dazai said again, trying to break the silence

The girl finally lifted her lifeless eyes up and looked deeply into his, trying to find any bits of hope, that she craved for, there. She looked as if she was...porcelain, like a doll. In that very moment, under the moonlight, she looked like something bigger, than a human, but at the same time, too small for the universe to treat it nicely. Without even having to know her, Dazai could already see the bits of the broken dreams and hopes in her eyes and feel the melancholic atmosphere around her.

Strangely, but she didn't just look depressed. She was exactly melancholic, which was also...calming at the same time. Her sadness was the one, that everybody sometimes wants to feel by watching a sad movie or reading a sad book. It was mysterious, alluring, but most importantly was that it was always in the air around Dazai so that's why it felt like home to him.

"Do you have cigarettes?" She finally said

Dazai blinked a couple of times from the surprise.

"I left them at home." He replied "Why do you need them?"

"I'm stressed and I want to smoke. I never tried it before but some people often do it to calm down so I wanted to try." She explained, turning her gaze back to the water

"Nicotine, in fact, doesn't help you calm down." Dazai said "It actually does the opposite."

"Why do you smoke then?" She asked

"Because I like self destruction."

She simply nodded as if she knew what he was talking about, as if she also saw something attractive in the destruction itself. However, for once, he couldn't read her like he could do with everyone else.

She was like a closed book, filled with secrets, which were never opened to the world before.

Was he the one, who could open them?

"My name is (Y/N)." She introduced herself quietly "(Y/N) (L/N)."

"I'm Dazai Osamu." He introduced himself too, making a small pause before talking again "Why were you crying in the park at such a timing?"

"I didn't want to go home." She replied "There's just...something, that I'm tired of."

Dazai immediately realized everything: she was just another teenager with the broken family or something like that. He had seen hundreds of people with such stories. Usually, everything starts with little money and divorce of their parents and ends with an illegal work, cocaine, alcoholism and, eventually, suicide at the age of 44. 

He was just about to lose his interest, when suddenly she spoke:

"Do you mind if I use a description of you in a story?" She asked

"Why would you need to do that?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow

"Because you seem like the perfect protagonist. I can already picture that." She explained "Believe me, I'm a writer."

Now, that was getting interesting.

"Well, I don't mind then." He agreed "Just don't use my name, alright?"

"Of course."

Suddenly, she lifted her eyes up and looked straight at Dazai's face, capturing his gaze.

What was she trying to find in him? Hope? No, it was obvious, that despite being young, Dazai lost it long ago. Love? They've just met. Empathy? No, her eyes didn't seem to be looking for that.

Something clicked in his mind. He understood.

Her eyes were just the same as his. She was just the same as him. She was simply another lost soul in this world, who was trying to find another living being like this, who would be able to understand her burden. It was the type of connection, that didn't need any words. They both felt it on a spiritual level.

Who was this girl? What had happened with her? What maimed her soul? For once, Dazai was curious about another human because he couldn't understand her. She looked fragile, yet strong, beautiful, but hurt, calm, but dying. There was a storm, happening inside of her, that she could not control. And despite everything, Dazai found her beautiful.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time today." She apologized "I'm a mess."

"A lovely mess, I must say~" Dazai said "By the way, Belladonna, how about meeting again tomorrow?"

~~~

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I'm finally back home from my trip!! I actually came back last Saturday but I honestly had no time to update at all. But heyyy there are some good news: tmr is the last day of school for me! So this means, that I only have to pass the exams at the end of May and then i can rest :)

So anyway, now I'll be able to update more^^ so stay tuned!