Hooligan | Dazai Osamu

You Can Trust Me

"I'm so happy, that we got to have a day off today!" You exclaimed, smiling softly, as you were cooking the dinner

After numerous cases, that the ADA got in the past weeks, you and your boyfriend, Dazai, finally got the chance to just spend one full day in the quietness and peace of your shared apartment. The sound of the heavy rain and wind outside, created a lulling melody, that kept making you sleepy. The warmth of your home and the smell of Dazai's cologne, that was coming from his shirt, that he let you wear, was only making your desire to sleep worse.

However, you couldn't put your mind at ease and let yourself fall into the kingdom of sweet dreams. Dazai seemed to be a little too...tensed. Even as he was talking to you or trying to look relaxed, it was obvious, that there was something on his mind the whole time, not letting him go and making him anxious. Perhaps, those were the echoes of his past, that kept him awake at night. Or maybe, he was still thinking about the plan for your next case, creating thousands of solutions and possible answers, which you would never think about. Usually, you were truly amazed by the way his mind worked, like an accurate mechanism, but this time, you were rather concerned, than impressed.

He didn't reply you again. He was just sitting in the meter away from you, at the dining table, but his fingers were toying with the pen, while his eyes were fogged and stared at something, unknown to you. He was too buried in his own mind to notice anything around him.

This had to stop.

You put the knife away, knowing that the salad could wait, and turned around to Dazai, crossing your arms on your chest.

"Dazai, what's wrong?" You asked him seriously

Suddenly, he flinched slightly, being awoken by your unexpectedly strict voice, and dropped the pen down.

"Nothing." He replied, automatically, having already learnt in the past years what to reply to not make others worried "Everything's alright, darling. Honestly."

You sighed. You've known him better, than he thought, even though, it hasn't been too much time since you started dating. Dazai just never considered such a simple fact, that if someone truly loves you, then they will be able to feel that something is wrong on a spiritual level.

You reached over for the chair and pulled it right in front of Dazai's, sitting in front of him.

"Dazai..." You whispered, pleading him with your eyes to open up to you and talk to you about his problems

A single flame of pain, mixed with the tint of fear of trusting somebody, lurked in his chocolate eyes, when they met with yours. You thought, that just a couple of minutes more and he will finally start talking, but instead, he just turned his head away, avoiding your honestly concerned eyes.

"I just need to go out for a moment." He said, reaching over for the pack of cigarettes, before standing up

You started to panic. If you let go of him now, then you will lose the chance to help him fight his demons again and, most importantly, you'll lose the opportunity to show him, that you mean no harm and he can trust you. You had to quickly do something, it didn't even matter what. You just needed to stop him.

It was now or never.

"Dazai, wait!" You exclaimed, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt, stopping him in his tracks

You leaned your forehead against his slightly calloused skin, almost hugging his arm, not letting him go anywhere.

"(Y/N)?" Dazai asked as his widened from confusion because he had no idea what were you doing

It wasn't like you knew though. You just acted on the level of your instincts and even if it seemed to be weird, you succeeded in stopping him from leaving you.

"Dazai, please..." You whispered "Stay with me."

A soft sigh left his lips, before he lowered himself down on the chair again, but you weren't sure if he did that because he wanted to or because he had no choice.

Suddenly, one thought, that you thought was long forgotten crossed your mind and you decided, that maybe this could work. If not, then you had nothing to lose, anyway.

Before Dazai could say anything, you took the cigarettes out of his hand and put them away, before taking both of his hands into yours, smaller ones, and pressing your forehead to them

"(Y/N)?" Dazai asked, starting to feel embarrassment, that he thought, he could never feel again "What are you doing, dear?"

You didn't reply and just squeezed his hands harder.

"With this gesture," You started "In the past, people showed their loyalty to the king. So now, I want to show you my loyalty too. Dazai...I love you more, than you can imagine. I loved you even earlier, than when you first laid your eyes on me and saw a woman in me, not just a coworker. You were someone, I admired and respected ever since I first met you and now, I'm not able to explain how grateful I am that you've let me stay by your side and get closer to you. But now, I just want to help you. If you think, that I don't see how much are you fighting with your own thoughts and fears, then you're gravely mistaking. I see that, Dazai. But I won't be able to help if you don't open up to me first."

"(Y/N), there's no need to hold my hands like this." He protested, trying to pull his hands away, but your grip was too hard "I'm not a king to prove anything to me...you see someone in front of you, who I am not. Sometimes, people create an image of someone they love, which is not always true..."

"Well, maybe you're the one, who's underestimating yourself?" You replied "Osamu, I know what I'm talking about perfectly well. Why can't I worship you? Why can people worship someone, they've never met, but it's not allowed to worship your loved one, who you can lay your life for? To me, love is more sacred, than any other thing. So loving you and caring about you will be my religion. I'm not doing this all just because you're handsome or cool. Why can't you understand that? I do this only because I care for you, Osamu! I don't even need anything in return. I know, that because of your past, you, perhaps, haven't seen what the unjustified love is. But I'm willing to show you. I'll show what it's like to desperately love someone and wish your whole being for them to be happy, but...Osamu?"

Something wet and warm on your hand interrupted you. Finally, you lifted your head up to look at Dazai, whose head was lowered, but even so, you could clearly see the wet trails of tears, that were running down his cheeks.

"(Y-Y/N)..." He whispered with his voice cracking "I-I...thank you so much...I-I just..."

You didn't let him finish as you hugged him tightly, letting him burry his head in your shoulder.

"It's alright, Dazai." You said, brushing his hair, while still being shocked because of seeing him in such a state for the first time "You can trust me."

~~~

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Guys, I just have no words to explain how thankful I am to all of you for all the sweet comments I've gotten on the last chapter! You helped me more, than you can ever imagine so now, I almost share the same feelings as Dazai in this chapter!! Because I just truly have no words! I wish I could thank you all for that but I'm afraid, I'll never be able to thank you enough^^

Just thank you so much once again! I love you all❤️ so here's a new chapter that I got inspired for suddenly ;)