Hooligan | Dazai Osamu

A Definition To Dazai

There were a lot of ways of how one could describe Dazai Osamu. Some people would definitely say, that he was the devil itself. Cold-blooded, merciless, powerful, sly, fearless – all of this could really suit him in one way. When he wanted or needed to, he could easily turn into the devil to destroy all the enemies, that dared to lay a hand on his loved ones. Others could call him a fool because of his behavior. Always joking and pranking everyone, never being serious or calm – he was annoying every mature and organized person around him.

However, you went beyond those two definitions. Being Dazai's girlfriend for a long time gave you the privilege of getting to know him closer and that's why you knew better than anyone else, that he had a lot more facets, than just those two.

So how would you describe him?

To you, Dazai was like smoke: the one, that's coming out of the tip of his cigarette, when his anxiety strikes again in the middle of the night and he doesn't care if he's earning a lung cancer, doing it, or not and when he simply comes out on his small balcony and smokes that cigarette till the filter. Just like that smoke were his eyes foggy and clouded, whenever his foolish facade fell apart and his real face came out. Dazai was a lost soul, which was wandering somewhere on the edge of the world, forgotten and unnoticed by everyone. He was fading little by little like that small grey could above his cigarette, firstly going higher and then, abruptly disappearing into the cold night air.

After smoking, Dazai's voice always became lower and huskier, what you thought was unbearably sexy. You never encouraged him to pursue this bad habit of his, but you couldn't lie to yourself and say, that after these rare smoking sessions, you didn't love talking to him just to hear his voice, telling you about what was disturbing his mind just like the thunder disturbs the sea.

Dazai was like an old, weary book. You had to be very gentle with it or else, some pages could tear in half because of how much times this book was held carelessly before. If the book is held in the wrong hands, which throw it and crumple its pages, then it became incapacitated very quickly. The same happened with his soul: it was thrown away, torn up in halves, crumpled and hurt so many times so that it was now barely even living. Dazai was lucky though, that eventually, the book of his soul came to your careful, gentle hands, which new exactly how to repair it. So little by little, you managed to fix his weary, dusty pages and heal his wounds.

Sometimes, Dazai reminded you of the leaves on the old tree. After the cold, heavy winter, filled with blizzards and snowstorms, the leaves on it were starting to grow slowly again. Unsurely, hesitatingly and shyly, but they were appearing again. Dazai didn't always believe in those leaves and the tree, which was recovering after surviving the cold, that almost killed it. Dazai thought, that it was long dead until you pointed out, that it was actually still alive and, moreover, growing.

Dazai would never admit it, but he has always craved for life. Yes, he did try to kill himself, he hurt himself, he harmed himself, but these were more of the ways to feel the heart in his chest, which was covered with a thick layer of dust, and feel the blood, running through his veins. You always knew, that he never truly wanted to die. If he did, then he would have done that long before you met him because he had thousands of opportunities to do that, but he didn't.

People never want to die. Everybody wants to live, but not everyone have the ability to do it, but instead, they can only survive the life, instead of living it. Just like a harmed animal, which would rather be dead, than live in the unbearable agony. That's why some people choose to end their suffering themselves.

Dazai was the harmed animal too once. When he met you, he was already on the verge of death, barely breathing as the scars on his soul were bleeding hardly, casing him to cry in pain. His eyes were pleading you to kill him and, without any words, explaining you that he was way too weak in this state to do it himself, but you didn't listen to him. Instead, you decided to take him in and try to save his life by treating his wounds.

You saved him eventually. And now, he was slowly walking closer and closer towards his recovery, towards his happiness, towards his tree, which was starting to bloom again. You gave him the chance and the reason to live and that was why he will never be able to thank you enough.

There were a lot of ways of how one could describe Dazai Osamu. But if he was asked to describe you instead, them he would undoubtedly describe you with just 4 simple words: a reason to live.

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Don't forget to vote or comment :3

I hope, that you liked this chapter^^ I kinda spent a little too much time on it XD

Also, I have something important to tell you!

From the 1st of May till the 12th of May, I'll be gone to Rome so I most likely won't be updating. Once I'll be back, I'll be back to writing as usual though. But it's just that during trips with my parents, I usually barely have any free time bc we're very active XD I'm very looking forward for this trip though^^

I'll be missing you a lot in these 2 weeks! But I promise that there will be more stories to come once I'm back ;)

Btw I'll be posting photos from my trip so if you wanna see them (and see how author-chan looks like), then my insta is nchubenko.