Emotions | Book 3 to 'Lil Marais'

FIVE

S K Y L A R

I'm sat in the kitchen with Corbyn, "I'm so excited for the baby" He smiles

I had this horrible feeling inside of me, something wasn't right, something was really wrong.

"Awh" I smile

"The baby is moving, honestly putting my hand on Christina's stomach and feeling our baby move is the best feeling, ever" He smiles

I breakdown in tears, he comes over and sits right next to me, "Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He asks

I look at him, "Corbyn i haven't felt the baby move in a week" I sob

He looks at me sadly, "Sky, have you told Zach?" He asks

I shake my head, "I can't, i seriously can't do it. He's so excited for this baby, and if it's something wrong with our little boy" I tell him

Zach walks in, "What's wrong with our little boy?" Zach asks

I wipe my tears, "Zach, i haven't felt the baby move in a week" I mumble

+

After the nurse took a scan, she left the room. I'm feeling anxious, but mostly scared.

Zach squeezes my hand, "It's going to be okay" He tells me

I smile weakly knowing he's lying, "There's something wrong, i can feel it" I tell him

He let's go of my hand, "Just stop speaking like that" He snaps

I look away. The nurse walks back in with a male nurse. They both sit down, "Hi, i'm Dr. Matthews" He introduces himself, "This is my co-worker Cathy" He says pointing to her

I nod my head, "I'm Skylar and that's Zach" I tell him

"There's really no easy way to say this" He says

My head gets filled with horrible thoughts, Zach takes ahold of my hand, "What is it?" Zach asks

Cathy looks at us in sympathy, "I'm sorry, we weren't able to find a heartbeat" She tells us

"I'm afraid your baby is dead" Dr. Matthews tells us

My heart breaks, our little boy, our baby. Why us? My heart aches for my baby boy that has just died, we were going to care for him, change his nappies, clothe him, feed him do all the things we needed to do to keep him happy, and now that's taken away from us

My heart breaks into a million pieces, "We will give you two some time alone, and then we can discuss where we go from now" He tells us

"I want to know what happens next now" Zach says

He nods his head, "Well we will discuss a date for the birth" He tells us

I look at him confused, "I have to give birth?" I ask

"It's the safest option for you" Cathy tells me

I can't seem to wrap my head around all of this. My baby boy has just died, and i have to give birth to him. I know Zach is keeping it in but inside this is killing him

I let go of Zach's hand. I look and play with my fingers, "I want to do it as soon as possible" I say

"Sky-"

"As soon as possible" I cut Zach off

Dr. Matthews nods his head, "We will give you a tablet and in twenty four hours, you come back here and we will start" He tells me

+

Zach drives us home, "After the birth, i'm going to go away for a few days" He tells me

"Zach, we're meant to stick together, i've just give birth to our dead baby!" I yell

He keeps his eyes on the road, "I need some time to myself" He says

I look out the window, as the rain falls from
the sky, tears pool in my eyes, but i attempt to hold them back

"Do you hate me?" I ask

He stops the car, and parks on the side of the street. He stares at the wheel, "I don't h-hate you" He stutters

"Then look at me!" I scream. Tears stream down my face, "Zach" I sob

"I can't! I can't okay?" He screams

"You blame me don't you?" I ask

He begins to drive again, the car stays silent, he won't talk too me and i'm to scared to speak a word too him.

Why does he blame me?

I get lost in my thoughts, before i know it Zach has parked in the drive way. I get out the car and i head inside

I walk past the living room but then i walk backwards, "Hey" Blair gives me a sympathy smile

The whole group is here sat on my couch, "I just want to be alone" I tell them

"We're here to support you, anything you and Zach need we're here" Christina tells me

"Just ask" I sob

"Ask what?" Jack asks

"I know you're all dying to know, i know you guys" I tell them

"We just want to be here for you" Louise says

I shake my head, "I don't want you here" I scream, "So go" I sob

The tears fall down my cheeks, i run upstairs and into the bathroom. I sit on the bathroom floor, with the door locked, i rest my head in my hands and i can't stop the tears. My heart aches, what did i do to deserve this?

"Sky, open up" Jonah says

I open the door, i throw myself into Jonah's arms and i cry, "My baby is dead inside of me" I sob

He rubs my back, "Sky, i'm so sorry" He tells me

I pull away, "Where is Zach? I need him" I sob

He looks at the floor, "Sky, no one can find him" He tells me

"He hates me" I mumble

I sit on the floor with my knees to my chest, Jonah sits next to me, "He's just upset Sky, he was really looking forward to your new baby boy" He tells me