What It's Like Loving an Idiot

Sixty Eight || Hit The Bullseye

Vena's POV

We live in a world where people dwell on the strenuous problems of life. It's true that things could be worse, we could be living in a third world country, but we're not. The level of our struggle significantly differs from a country that isn't considered "developed". It's sad to think, but it's just the way we grew up, the way we were raised. We grew up in a place where our worries were not surrounded by whether or not we'd eat or have a roof over our heads that night. Instead, we surround ourselves with superficial problems that are otherwise not life threatening.

My childhood was easy, even with a house full of boys. I would never say that I was an unhappy kid. I think I was sheltered from the horrors of the real world. In my first year of adulthood, I've endured things that I've only ever read about in fiction novels. Never did I think that those things would happen to me or even could happen to me.

As I climb these stairs I know what I have to do and I have to do it now. It simply just can't wait any longer, but I find myself dragging my feet. This is something I must do, but not something I want to follow through with. It's the last thing that I wanted to have to do.

When I finally get to the top of the stairs, I look back and find Jason at the bottom. He stares up at me knowingly. I haven't even known this guy for a day, but I think that he knows me. I don't mean know me from the past, I mean really know me. I don't quite know how to explain it but, I'm certain he knows my plans without me having to even say a word.

I turn around continue to James's room. As I reach for the door handle, I consider bailing but the door opens before I have a chance to think about it.

"Vena? I thought you left," James looks down at me, half a smile appearing on his mouth.

This is going to be so fucking hard, but I don't have a choice. I have to do this for myself.

I shake my head and continue through the door way, refusing to give him another look. "Listen, I am leaving, I just need to talk to you before I go."

Fear. I know that expression better than any other one.

"I can't argue with you about this and I think you know that." I look up at him and his eyes search mine for something, but there's nothing. They're empty.

He nods and lets me go on.

"I um," I stutter. "I'm leaving," I say. It's all I can manage to get out. Jesus, just fucking say it Vena. "I want a break."

He raises his eyebrows. "A break?" He pauses, "Isn't that what you're doing by going back to the city."

I gulp, "No. A break from you."

As he stares back at me with disbelief clear in his eyes. My eyes begin to feel glassy. "So, you want to break up?" He raises an eyebrow at me, confusion clear on his face.

I shake my head, "No, a break."

"So, does that mean you can date other people or...?"

I sigh and my eyes drop down from his face to the floor. I certainly didn't think that explaining this would be so complicated. I just wanted to simply say that I wanted to go on a break and then leave and that would be it. Apparently, it just can't be that simple.

"James, I just want a break and if that entails me dating other people, then so be it, but I doubt I'll be going out with anyone else."

The worry becomes more obvious on his face. He opens his mouth to saying something as he crosses his arms over his chest. "That's weird."

I'm the one to shoot off a confused expression this time.
"It's just that if you want to date other people so badly, you could've just told me you wanted out instead of dragging this on. Why drag me on with this 'break' when eventually you'll just end up with someone else?"