What It's Like Loving an Idiot

Fifty Eight || Haunting Me

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Vena's POV

Guilt does weird things to people. It makes us sick with the absolute fault of our doings. Forgetting about it would be easy, that is if you didn't care. Little lies and sometimes even big lies don't do that to some people. That was me for the longest time. I remember that I could lie to my parents about where I was going as a teenager and I didn't feel the least bit bad. Back then, it got easier and easier to lie as time went on. I tried to make a habit of it, but when I had to lie, I could. This isn't like this, this is nothing like that. It isn't telling my parents that I'm going to have a sleepover when really, I'm going to spend the night with my boyfriend, it's so much worse than that.

I never thought I would be the one to make someone a victim of infidelity. In fact, I promised myself after Zeke that I would never make someone feel as bad as I did. Yeah, that sure did last long. Of course, I am going to take in consideration that I was extremely drunk and I sure as fuck did not mean to do this. I did not purposely mean to hurt James because I would never do that even if he would do it to me. I should just tell him. Having this same confliction after every personal issue is becoming tiring.

I go to grab my phone off the coffee table but it suddenly begins to ring throughout the silent room. Silently startled, I jump a little at the sound. With my hand over my heart, I snatch it off the table. James's name blinks as it rings. I should just answer it, I mean, I was going to call him anyways. I hit answer and take a deep breath before bringing my phone to my ear. "Hello? Vena?" James says, wonder clear in his words.

Fortunately, Creana had to go to a meeting after dinner, which made sulking much more peaceful. Don't get me wrong, having her around if great, but I just need to be alone right now. I need to think.

My words feel so thick in my throat that I'm not quite sure what to do. "Hi." I utter one word to let him know he's not talking to a dead line.

"Is everything okay? You sound weird," he tells me with slight worry in his tone.

I push my hair out of my face, flustered at the sound of his voice. "I um... Yeah, I'm okay."

He's lets out a shaky sigh, his breath blowing against the speaker creating a scratchy sound.

"I couldn't find you last night," he admits with absolutely no backstory.

At this confusion, my eyebrows draw together. "What do you mean?" Why would he come looking for me while I was out? I mean, what on earth could of I possibly said to him to make him come looking? More importantly, it must've been pretty urgent to actually make him leave Autumn and Kamer.

"I came looki—You were with this guy and I thought... I don't know, I just didn't feel good about it."

With a story with so many holes, so many confusing endings... This guy that James is talking about, was he the guy I slept with...? Perhaps it's possible. I just need the whole story and I don't know where to get it except from maybe the guy I slept with and I have absolutely no fucking idea who that was.

"Oh, I didn't know."

The conversation is light and all types of awkward. I mean I can feel it on both ends, but probably more on my side. Let's not forget that I am withholding a life altering secret.

"Vena?"

I shake my head, "Yes, what?" Did he say something?

"I just asked you if you want to meet up, to talk."