What It's Like Loving an Idiot

Fifty Nine || Her Vibrant Smile

Yes, I'm up in here with an extra update because it's my birthday lol and I feel like it. So please comment throughout and vote!

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James's POV

I wake up to the sun shining through the little window that I have. My stomach turns as I remember the events of last night. I wish I didn't, at least then I wouldn't know I'd done such a dreadful thing. I stare up at the bluntly pale ceiling. As I lay here in all stillness, it's simple to just lay here and pretend that my life isn't going to absolute hell. Who am I kidding, it's not going to absolute hell, it is hell. Fuck, I don't how I am going to turn this one around. Before last night, I might have had a chance to fix this, but now? I'm way too way gone from the point of return.

There must be a way. After drinking so much, I didn't know what I was doing and I certainly didn't know that I slept with someone else because I certainly wouldn't do that sober.

After Jason picked me up last night, we drove back to Autumn in silence. He didn't ask questions—which I was thankful for. He just drove and left me to my thoughts, which also wasn't great either. Coming up with a plan was useless because I'm sure I was still pretty drunk at that point. Even now in my wake of a hangover, I don't know what to do. Usually I'm generally resourceful, but laying here in this abnormally uncomfortable bed isn't helping.

Maybe I can't come up with a plan, maybe I just have to tell her the straight up truth and deal with the consequences. Maybe there isn't an easy way to do this.

I grab my phone off the nightstand and click into the call log. I find only one phone call between and Vena and I, nothing else. I look through my messages and find no new ones. Well, luckily I don't think that I gave that woman from last night my number. Even if I did, I'd delete and block it. I don't know who she is, where she works, what her name is, who her mother is or even what her face looks like. She is a one night stand and she will be nothing more than that because she has to be. I don't mean to sound so heartless, so much like a whore, but I cheated on my girlfriend. I love her. I am completely and irretrievable in love with her and there is no way of turning back. I have to get her back because I have no choice but to. I can't lose her; it will hurt too much.

I pull the blanket off my legs and set my phone back on the nightstand. Hurrying to get dressed and fix my hair as well as I possibly can with the materials I have, I shut the door behind me. The sound of my shoes against the hardwood is the loudest sound in the hallway. There is the odd door that I pass that has someone shouting on the other side of it. I'm not sure about what exactly they are yelling about, but it's probably nothing that relevant.

I make my way down to the cafeteria to eat before I do anything, I think that's the smart thing to do at this point.

The kitchen gives me a simple banana and sandwich. I guess I missed breakfast. Oh well. I turn and look around the huge room, gazing down each row of head until I find Kamer.

Unsurprisingly, he's sitting alone. I noticed that as I spent more time here. Of course, I'm not certain on why no one choses to sit beside him, but if I had to guess I'd say because he's basically Autumn's bitch.

I set my food down beside him and sit down on the hard chair.

"Call her yet?" He questions me, not bothering to look at me as he takes a big bite out of his Granny Smith apple.

As of right now, Kamer is the only one that knows and I'd like to keep it that way. For some reason, I'm afraid that if it happens to get back to Autumn, she'll blab it to Vena. There's no doubt in my mind that she'll do anything to get Vena out of the picture.