Midnight || Phan {Complete}

Two

T H R E E  Y E A R S  L A T E R
Dan hadn't gone to sleep, he wasn't tired. He never really felt tired these days. Instead of wanting to sleep, like someone normal, Dan was frantically searching his room.
Where the fuck did Phil hide my knives-
Dan stopped dead in his tracks and felt himself go weak. Why would Phil hide his box of knives? Did he know? Could he tell?
Dan let out a muffled sob as he ran to the bathroom.
His best friend, the only man he has ever loved, knew about the worst aspect of Dan. He knew somehow that Dan wasn't as happy as he said.
Dan threw up.
He then punched his bathroom wall in anger. How could you let Phil get close enough to know this about you? He punched it again, the once white tile now a bright red. You're just going to ruin his life by being in it. Dan let out a sob as he punched the tiled wall until he physically couldn't anymore.
Dan passed out from fatigue.

--//--

When Dan woke up, he was confused as to where he was. When he finally remembered he checked his phone, to see how long he had until school started.
11:30 A.M
Fuck- Dan thought, then he saw

10 missed calls, 30 unread messages- Fish

Double fuck-

For once in Dan's life, he was thankful that his parents spent most of their time working up north. He began scrubbing the tiled wall with a cloth in his right hand, trying to get the dried blood out of the cracks. Dan didn't want to clean his left hand, it was bruised and bloody and any movement caused him to whimper in pain, but he knew that if it got infected his parents would question him. So Dan began cleaning his hand, sobbing in pain.

Then he decided to deal with all the messages from Phil. He knew that Phil wouldn't respond while he was in class, but Dan knew it was important for Phil to know he was okay. He read the most recent message from Phil.

Bear- I know what you do, and I want you to know I'm here for you, and that we can get through this together, just promise me you'll wake up and be okay? I love you 

Dan felt his eyes tear up, Phil does know about you and your fucking self-harm. He tried not to think about how Phil felt when he saw the box in Dan's room, the lid slightly askew, silver knives glistening with flecks of dried blood from when he didn't fully clean them.
Dan hadn't self-harmed since Phil first said 'I love you'. Which was 5 days ago now. Phil came over to his house on that day. He had self-harmed the night before that, and Dan didn't remember ever cleaning the knife afterwards.
Phil thinks you're broken, he only said I love you so you would stop cutting yourself. He doesn't really love you. Nobody really loves you.
Dan collapsed back onto the floor, ignoring the sharp pain in his hand. he curled into a ball and cried.

Dan wasn't sure how long he cried, but he knew his throat was sore, so it would've been over 30 minutes. He pulled out his phone.

12:45 p.m

1 unread message - Fish, 12:05

 Dan wiped his tears before opening the message.

Bear, please respond I'm worried. I love you more than anything in the world.

Dan re-read the last line as many times as he could. Phil loves me more than anything in the world. Phil loves me more than anything in the world. Dan couldn't help but feel a little better. He shakily typed a short message with his right hand.

Hi. Typinf is hard with yout right hand? how do u do thsi?

The moment Dan pressed send, he saw a new message appear.

I'm gonna call you. We need to talk

'Oh, shit' Dan mumbled before seeing Phils caller ID pop up on his phone.

"Hey Phi-"
"Bear!" Phil sounded like he had been crying. His voice sounded raw. Similar to Dans.
"You okay?" Dan asked
"Please don't do that ever again," Phil said, Dan could hear him holding back tears.
"Babe whats wrong?" Dan was worried now. Phil was never this sad.
"Can I come over after school?" Phil's voice wavered, he sounded pained.
"Of course, but whats wro-" Phil ended the call.

You made Phil cry, you're a shitty boyfriend. He's probably coming over to break up with you.

Dan shook his head in protest