When We Realize (A Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-One

*Theo's POV*

What did I do? I screamed at her and told her that she had to leave. She was only trying to help me face my problems in the only way that she knows, and I told her that she was wrong. I love her and I practically told her that I hated her entire perspective.

I don't even know why I said it. I'm just not used to having someone so supportive in my life. I'm used to dealing with pain in such a different way, and it's so weird for me to actually have someone like her, who is so caring, to work it out with me. Usually I just let it sit inside of me. But now she is gone. What if she does not forgive me? It would be right of her not to forgive me, because she is too wise and smart and natural and perfect for me. She is almost always right, and I am not, but I have to try. I have to say sorry.

I waited hours to calm down. I waited and I thought about everything she said, and she is right. If I accept the fact that it can't be changed, it will release its hold over me. It's natural to miss my grandmother. I do have to keep moving forward from this moment. I should've called Shailene as soon as I found out the news, and I shouldn't have been embarrassed to cry.

I sit out by her door for thirty minutes before I go in. She will be asleep by now. I walk into her room, unsure of what to do. Should I just leave her? She is such a positive soul, and she doesn't deserve to have me dragging her down. That is part of the reason I had told her to leave. It kills me seeing how much we contrast. She is such as good person, and I have so much to learn from her. But I love her, and I am selfish, so I cannot walk away without explaining myself to her.

I climb onto her bed and sit next to her. "Shailene,"

Her eyes flutter open, looking around until they land on me. "What are you doing?" She asks hoarsely.

"Can you sit up? Will you give me a chance to explain to you... I-I just want to talk."

Her lips are pursed and her eyebrows are furrowed as she slowly sits up.

"I'm sorry I said all those things. I know that everything you said was true, I'm just not used to having someone as supportive as you in my life. Usually I just hide my weakness, and you face it head on with such a positive outlook, and it scared me. I don't know why I said all those things, because I am the luckiest man in the world to have you, and I was mean and I ruined it.

"I can't help but always think about how different we are. You are so wise, and beautiful, and you always know what to say. I wanted you to leave because I hated hearing you speak to me with so much love and trust and care, when I have been trained to think so differently... I love you." I tell her, running my hands through my hair.

"And I don't want to lose you. I can learn to think like you. I want to think like you. I know I don't deserve to have you around, but I need you. I really need you to be around, because I don't want it any other way. I don't want to hear anyone else laugh. I don't want to see anyone else's smile. I don't want to make love with anyone else. Shailene, I'm sorry I said those things, and I couldn't fall asleep until I told you this. I want to be around your happy aura all the time." I looked down, taking a deep breath. "I understand if you think it's better to just stop now... But I don't want you to say that."

She pushed the blanket off of her and climbed into my lap. She pulled my head down to hers and kissed me softly. "I'm not going to say that... I'm glad you said all of this, because it means that you are already learning to think differently. It's okay if you aren't used to my mindset, I didn't ever expect for you to change yourself for me. I just wanted to hear that you didn't want me to change for you."

"I don't want you to change at all. I love the way you are. I'm sorry I made you think that I didn't when I yelled at you."

"Shh," She whispers. Kissing me yet again. "I love you. It's okay."

She pulls me over to lay with her under the covers, and I stroke her hair. I watch her face as she closes her eyes. I love her so much, and I am so happy that I will always be able to be by her side. I will always talk to her, laugh with her, make love with her, kiss her, hold her, and I will definitely learn from her. When I am with her I don't want to be anywhere else and I don't want to be any different than the man she makes me be. I always want to keep her safe, solely because she deserves the world.

She is so beautiful and happy. She is nice to everyone, and she is forgiving. She is confident and thoughtful. I realized as I watched her fall asleep in my arms that we would be able to face every obstacle of life together, and that she is right; a moment is just a moment. It is so fleeting, so why would I want to spend that moment unhappy or negative?

"Dream happily," I whisper quietly, like she has always said to me.