When We Realize (A Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Thirteen

*Theo's POV*

I don't know how I could've let this happen. Why did I believe Ruth? Shailene would never do anything like that with Miles! She is so caring and honest, yet I trusted Ruth, when it was actually her who lied. She must've seen that I was slipping away from her, and made up a desperate lie. I believed it. I was hurt, and I had sex with Ruth out of anger.

I thought that I would have to settle for her, because I thought that I was wrong. But I can't love Ruth. I don't care if she gave me a pretty good four years, because when I was with Shai I didn't want to be anywhere else. Shailene heard us, and now she thinks I don't care. And she isn't going to forgive me. I cannot erase the look on her face when I came into her apartment from my mind.

I walked back into my apartment and came face to face with Ruth, standing there in a robe. "I want you to leave," I said firmly.

"What?"

"We are done, and I don't want to see you again,"

She put her hand on my bare chest and I smacked it off. "Theo? Come on, what are you doing? Didn't you just enjoy yourself?"

"You lied to me,"

She threw her hands up into the air. "Why the hell do you even care about her? She's quirky and she's stuck up and she isn't permanent! Theo, I was just trying to save our relationship, you wouldn't listen to me, and I don't want to lose you. You've been scaring me! You don't talk to me anymore and you don't kiss me anymore and you don't look at me like you look at her! How can you just pretend like the last four years were nothing?" She yelled in my face.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER," I yelled back at her, my eyes filling with tears. Why am I doing this to myself; to Ruth, to Shailene.

Ruth took a step back, tears spilling from her eyes, causing her black makeup to drip down as well. "I love her so much," I whispered, hiding my face in my hand. "And I can't change that. I love that she is quirky, and weird, and natural... I don't feel the same way when I'm around you anymore. And I have felt horrible about it for so so long, Ruth. I really have. You gave me the best four years. I love you, but that love is so different from what I feel with her."

We were both silent for a painstakingly long time. "And now I've lost her,"

"Theo..." Ruth whispered. "I'm sorry."

I looked up at her. "No you aren't. If you loved me like a couple is supposed to love each other, you would've cared about my happiness more than your own. And now I can't be happy, because she hates me."

"Come on... You made your own choice when you had sex with me! If you loved her you wouldn't have done that!"

"I had convinced myself that I didn't deserve her, so I accepted your lie so easily. I don't deserve her, so maybe this is for the best. But it doesn't change anything between you and me. Even if she doesn't want me, I cannot be with you anymore. And I want you to leave now."

I waited for her to object me again. She always puts up such a long argument. But this time all she said was. "Okay,"

I walk towards the couch and slouch onto it, looking out the glass wall to the dark night, lit up by the city lights. I can't but help rerun everything Shailene said to me over and over again in my head. 'Just act like this never happened. And we can pretend to be friends until it's over.' I don't want to act like it never happened... I want to be able to stare at her as long as I please. I want to be able to hold her all night as she sleeps. I want to be able to follow her around everywhere to make sure she is safe. And I don't want to never talk to her again after the movies are over...

What am I going to do? How can I fix this? I told her I liked her and then she heard me having sex, and she also thinks that I made up the thing about her and Miles as an excuse. There's no way to explain myself.

I heard Ruth packing up her things for a while, but I ignored her, staring blankly out the glass wall. "Bye Theo. I'm really sorry." She said eventually,

I know she is sorry. But that doesn't change the fact that she acted selfishly and ruined things for the both of us. She can't take what she did back, and neither can I.

I stared blankly at the reflection in the glass. The man standing there has soulless eyes and a drooping face. It's me. "Bye,"