When We Realize (A Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Eleven

*Theo's POV*

Miles is one lucky bastard, and I can't help but feel that he likes to take advantage of Shai's kindness by being overly flirty. I don't think Shailene notices, because she probably just thinks that he is being a gentleman to her. She always see's the best in people, which is really cute, but it annoys me when it comes to him.

It doesn't matter though. I need to break things off with Ruth tonight. She has been talking my ear off with plans for the week and even with plans for after Insurgent filming. How can she even think that far ahead? I've been kind of rude to her these past few days, but I can't help it. Every moment I'm with her I could be spending with Shailene, and every time she kisses me, I feel horrible for hiding how I actually feel. I figured that if she realized I hadn't been acting the same, maybe it won't come as too much of a shock when I tell her.

She walks in about twenty minutes later, and I have been pacing the whole time. I stop when she walks over and sets her shopping bags down on the floor. She probably bought those things with my money, like she usually does.

"Theo what's wrong?" She says, sounding scared.

I walk up to her and take her hands in mine. This is still going to hurt. I still love her despite everything, even though it's not in the right way anymore. I think of what to say. I have to say anything except for 'we need to talk.'

"Will you come and sit with me on the couch for a moment? I need to get something off of my chest, and it's going to be hard."

She slowly follows me to the couch and sits down. I open my mouth to speak but she starts kissing me. She kisses me quickly, and it makes a heat grow inside of me, but I already know it's not the right heat. It's not love heat, it's the heat that any man would feel, whether or not the person they were kissing meant anything to them. I don't want Ruth to be the one to ignite this feeling within me; I want it to be Shai.

"What are you doing?" I ask. "I'm trying to talk to you about something serious."

She ignores me and climbs on top of me. "But I want to have sex."

I push her face away as she kisses me again. "Hey, no, stop." I say. Why is she trying to avoid a conversation with me?

"Theo, I'm just trying to make you feel better, I know what you are going to say."

"Huh?" I ask.

She sighs and pulls back. "You know about Shailene Woodley and that Miles guy, and you are upset because you don't like Miles, and Shai is a good friend of yours..."

"What?" Okay now I'm stooped.

"You wanted to talk to me about that right? You are upset because your best friend is dating someone you don't like? So I was going to have sex with you to take your mind off of it."

I stare at her, dumbfounded. "Ruth, what are you talking about? Shailene and Miles are just friends."

Her eyes widened. "No they aren't. I just saw them making out at the end of the hall, near his apartment. I think they were waiting for the elevator, but it was disgusting. His tongue was in her mouth and he was grabbing her boob... I can see why you are upset that she is dating him."

My eyes widened. They were kissing? And she was kissing him back? My heart started to beat fast and I felt lightheaded instantly. How could she do that to me? My hurt feelings quickly turned to anger, and I narrowed my eyes. I like her so much, but it's obvious she doesn't care if she couldn't even wait a few days for me to work things out with Ruth.

Ruth touched my cheek. "Theo... Don't be sad for her. She can do whatever she wants."

"Yeah. She can do whatever the hell she wants, I could care less." I said between gritted teeth.

Ruth starts kissing me again. This time I do not pull away from her. What's the point? Shailene doesn't love me, and I was right from the beginning. She feels as if I do not deserve her, and it's a good thing I found out before I left Ruth. Ruth is good for me, I guess. I don't feel fire in my heart when I am around her, but that's not what is important in a relationship. Honesty is, and I trust Ruth. Why shouldn't I? She gave me a steady four years, and I was dumb to think that what I felt when I was with Shailene was any safer than this.

My hands traveled up Ruth's body, and I lifted up her shirt. Soon I was lifting her up, and slowly walking her to my bedroom. "Theo," She whispered against my lips. "I want you to be rough with me."

I complied. I'll have sex with Ruth, but I will no longer call it making love. I haven't made love with her in a while, and I probably never will again. This is enough though. It has to be enough, because it's all I've got and all I will ever have.