When We Realize (A Sheo Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty

*Shailene's POV*

The next day Theo and I have a full day of shooting by ourselves. I do all my singular scenes, and he does his. I can't stop thinking about last night all day. Theo and I actually made love... How is this real? Despite the fact that I have that in the back of my mind the whole day, filming goes really well. The scenes were really cool, and I think that I did amazing today.

When I get back late at eleven o'clock, I put on sweatpants and a t-shirt. I check my phone. Theo still hasn't called me. He got done filming earlier than I did, so I'm surprised he hasn't called... Nothing seemed off this morning. He was joking with me, and smiling, and we went to set together. So why hasn't he called? He's never forgotten.

I decide to go to his apartment. That's one of the benefits of having a boyfriend who lives down the hall. I wanted him to stay over tonight. Our apartments are huge, and feel lonely when it's just me now. I knocked on his door and then waited for him to answer. The door doesn't open for a minute, and when it does, the sight before my eyes scares me. Theo's eyes are puffy and his cheeks are all red.

"Theo? Babe. What's wrong?" I ask, putting a hand on his chest so I can push him back so I can come inside.

I shut the door behind me, my eyes not leaving his. I wait for him to say something. When he finally speaks his voice is rough. "My grandma died."

My hand flies up to my mouth. Oh no. This is horrible... I've never met his grandmother, but he speaks of her all the time. I walk him over to the couch to sit down, and snuggle into his side.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've come sooner. When did this happen?"

"My mom called a couple hours ago," He says, looking out the glass wall.

"Theo... I'm so sorry." I touch his face so he will turn to look at me. "Do you want to talk about it? Maybe it will help?"

His cheeks look hollow and his eyes are bloodshot. He shrugs. I hate seeing him upset, and I know he didn't call me because he didn't want to look weak, but he should've. He has seen me cry. That's what love is. You're supposed to be there for the bad times just as much as the good ones.

"Tell me about her,"

He takes a deep breath. "Well, I was the youngest in the family, so when my older siblings were mean to me, I would go over to her house. She lived next door. She was really nice to me. Like a second mom. She wouldn't pity me, either. She'd just tell me that one day I would be just as tall as them, and that one day we would all be equal, and things would be more fun."

"You are," I say. "Now you are tall, and handsome, and smart. I bet she is proud."

He looked down. "It's not fair for her to just die like that. I should've been able to say goodbye."

I shook my head. "Life doesn't play out like that. Doesn't mean that she doesn't know that you love her. You'll always have her in your memories. You can't be too stoical about it. It's okay to be sad. If you accept the fact that it can't be changed, it will release its hold over you. It's natural to miss her. We just have to keep moving forward from this moment."

He takes my hand off of his face. "Stop,"

"What?"

"Stop being positive about this. I don't want to hear it." He says sharply.

"What are you talking about Theo?" I ask, confused. "Why would you want to be negative about this?"

He stands up quickly and glares at me. "Because it's a negative thing! Death isnt something we are supposed to be positive about!"

"No, it's life." I say. "Life isn't a negative thing, it's unavoidable. I'm not saying you can't be sad about it! Of course you need to be sad for your loss, but you can still know that things will get better." I say, slowly standing up.

"Can you just leave?" He yells. "I didn't call you over for a reason!"

What is he even talking about? Why is he yelling at me like this? I'm trying to make him feel better! "What the hell are you talking about?" I say shakily.

"Just get the fuck out!" He says, shaking. Tears start to fall from my eyes, and I can see that there are tears in his too. "I'm tired of you saying shit like that!"

"LIKE WHAT?"

"I don't know! EVERYTHING. I don't want to talk about her dying! I don't want it to be okay! And I don't want to move on with a clear mindset! She doesn't deserve to be forgotten!"

I never told him that he had to forget his grandmother? What is he talking about? I think of what I can say to him, but it is obvious he doesn't want me to talk to him. He is unstable right now, and if being by someone he loves in his moments of sadness isn't something he doesn't want... then maybe he doesn't love me. He said he hates everything I said, but everything I spoke came from my heart. I can't help it if I want to think about life positively. I can't help who I am, and I sure as hell am not going to act like someone I am not.

I walk out of his room, wiping tears from my eyes. I go to my apartment, shutting off all of the lights and going straight to my bed. I climb under my sheets and fall asleep. I'm not going to avoid the pain of what he said to me. I will face it head on, like I told him that it was okay to do. But unlike him, I won't let it fester inside of me, I'll wake up and breathe in and breathe out. And I will continue to live, because that's how it should be. That is how I want it to be.