Reconnecting With My Dad John

another lennon in America

I woke up feeling anxious for so many reasons. I gotta travel to America all on my lonesome which is scary. I can't even take the bus without getting lost and getting off at the wrong place. What if I get on a plane which I think is going to America and I end up in China because believe me I could manage it.
 
What if me and dad just don't connect anymore and somehow the universe has shifted and he doesn't like me no more. Then there is yoko I told you abit about her the other day but the last time we we together she screamed at me for a solid hour which was just rude. In her defence they were admist  doing there primal scream therapy and by screaming at me she was releasing all the negativity she felt towards me and boy she must of hated me as she screamed in my face for a hour which kinda insulted me.

Like let me tell you it's awkward just sitting there while someone screams at you I didn't know if to cry or laugh and what if I needed to pee would she of followed me and just continued to scream while i was on the throne I have so many unanswered questions. And let me tell you I had a few thoughts I wanted to scream back but I kept them to myself.

I have always had this hate for her as she is the reason why my parents aren't together. I know it takes two and my dad's not innocent but it's easier to place all the blame on the person who hasn't got my DNA. When you see your mother broken and crying and just at rock bottom because she got her heart broken and then to see them divorce it's hard. I didn't know what was happening one minute I had a family and the next it was broken and so many changes were happening and all I knew it was because daddy loved someone else. I just rightly or wrongly blame yoko for destroying my family.

I hop into the shower and well I do the stuff you do in a shower.

So next step what to wear? my mum had this pretty lilac and pink dress  laying on my bed. Like I Tilly Lennon was ever gonna wear that no thank you. I grabbed a my Bob Dylan shirt and teamed it up with a skirt and a pair of black boots and I'll wear my leather jacket well my dad's leather jacket. I decided to wear my hair up and I didn't apply make up. I grabbed my case and stood looking at my room feeling emotional I honestly felt like I was saying my last goodbyes to my room like I'll never see it again

" ugh Tilly stop being silly I'll be back in a week"

I struggled down the stairs with my case and I was kinda hoping that the case would fall and crush me not to death just to a light injury that would stop me from having to go but I wasn't that lucky.

" so you ready to go"

"Mother it's 5.30am how are you so cheery it's like your excited to see me gone"

"I am excited the peace and quiet will be bliss"

"Well thanks mum I love you to"

" your passport and tickets are in your bag. Your money is all in your purse and I packed snacks for the plane. Robert is outside now he's driving you to the airport and stay safe I'll miss you and I love you and enjoy the time with your dad. Make memories and treasure and live every moment"

" Jesus mum calm down it's a weeks trip to see dad I'm not going to the moon"

Mum grabbed me and pulled me into a hug and sent me on my way.

Sitting in Roberts car I felt my nerves treble and I felt like I was going to be sick

"You ok back there your looking rather pale"

" I'm so nervous Robert I'm 15 and I'm travelling to America alone that's scary. It's to much reponisibilty  and to much pressure for me I can't even boil a egg robert"

Robert burst into a fit of laughing

" Well just you laugh at me then. You wont be laughing if I barf all over your car"