Reconnecting With My Dad John

im gone

I am frozen to the spot. My head is whirling with all these thoughts and questions and I felt stupid for missing out on a date with Bob Dylan to spend it with the deadbeat dad John fucking lennon.

Why does this always happen? Why do I always believe that he cares and that he loves me? Why do I never learn?. I just don't want to face the reality that when he divorced mum he divorced me as well.

Memories come flooding my head i remember mum and me coming home from Greece and I was expecting dad to be sitting on the step waiting for my return the same way I always did with him. Mum said the plane ride home was horrendous as i was that excited to see dad that I refused to sleep. When we arrived at home I followed mum around the house trying to find him. I remember feeling like something bad was going to happen and I felt sick. The house was so quiet and when mum opened the door to the sunroom she was opening the door to heartbreak. I seen dad sitting with yoko his face completely emotionless. Here he was caught with another woman by his own wife and child and he did not care. He seemed that he was glad that he was caught like he had planned it that way. Seeing the hurt on my mother's face and how dad didn't care hurt me. It was my first glimpse that dad wasn't the perfect hero that I had seen him as and that was hard.

Sadly I have a million memories of him disappointing me and threw it all I never stopped loving him or idolizing him. No matter what he did he was always my hero. I'm not a 5 year old kid anymore I'm 15 and I'm done excusing his behaviour im done caring about him and I'm done loving him. We're finished.

I quickly turned and walked right outta the apartment with a steady stream of tears streaming down my face. I felt broken I honestly think I'm done with John if he can't try for me I'm not gonna try for him.

I ran outta the Dakota and I collapsed into a heap and began to cry hysterically while the journalists that always stood outside the building began to snap pictures of me but I didn't care I was to trapped in my hurt to even notice.

A girl maybe in her early 30s came and put her hand on my shoulder and when I looked up threw my tears i seen her wearing a John Lennon t shirt.

"Why do you like him so much?"

"Who?"

"John. Why do you like him?"

The fan smiled and you could just see the joy fill her face.

"Well he's cute and he's funny and he cares about his fans and for peace and he's brilliant."

"He's a horrible father and a horrible person. Your idol is fake. He only cares about yoko and that's reality".

The minute I said it I regretted it as the fans face just dropped into confusion and sadness.

"Now you look how I do. Totally upset and confused and let down."

I got up and ran towards central park.

The park was beautiful at night it was dimly lit and it was strangely quiet and the stillness settled me and it is what I need to gather my thoughts.

John's pov.

I can't believe yoko wants me to send Tilly away. I said I would just to defuse a argument and not to stress her out but I'm not sending her away. I love her and I am loving getting to know her and I won't send her back.

John looked at his watch and seen it was 10.30pm and he sighed knowing Tilly was 30 minutes late and he thought she was doing it on purpose to annoy him and it is working.

I walked towards the phone and called carltom.

"Hello John"

"Ello Carlton. I know your collecting Tilly and I don't know what she has told you but she was supposed to be home 30 minutes ago"

"John what are you talking about?"

"Tilly is with Bob Dylan and you were supposed to pick her up at 10 and bring her home don't tell me you have forgotten Carlton"

"John she didn't go to meet bob dylan we got talking about you and she decided to spend time with you instead"

"What? Carlton she ain't here? What time did you drop her back?"

"I dropped her at about 9 and watched her go into the building."

John's face went pale. She must of heard the conversation.

"Shit. Uhm ok"

John hung up the phone and ran outside knowing someone was bound to have seen her.

"Has anybody seen my daughter? Please it's important."

A fan who was wearing my shirt walked forward.

"I seen her a hour ago she was very upset she fell into a ball on the ground and was crying I walked over to console her and try and help but she went crazy shouting at me asking me why I liked you do much. She was very upset"

"Fuck. Where did she go?"

"She ran towards central park"

"Ok thank you"

1 hour later.

I've been around every inch of central park and it's late and she is no where to be found. I'm so stupid why did I agree with yoko. This is all my fault. Where is she?. New York is dangerous especially at night and even more dangerous when you don't know new York at all.

Tilly where are you?.