Reconnecting With My Dad John

how could they help me

I woke up with the sun beaming on my face. I opened my eyes and the sunlight stung at my eyes and I groaned in pain.

Sleeping on the streets is not the nicest thing to have to do. I walked around new York all night just trying to find a safe place to rest and I found a church. There's no safer place to rest than a church right?. It may have been safe but it wasn't comfortable. My body is aching and my head is spinning with so many thoughts and questions that I can't answer.

How am I going to eat as I don't have any money?
How am I gonna stay warm?
How will I get home my tickets and luggage are back at the Dakota?
How can I get in contact with mum as I don't have any  access to a phone?

Im never going back there. I'm not going to step one toe back in that apartment ever again. I'm not going to give yoko the pleasure of throwing me out the horrible witch. I honestly wish I was back at school where the only thing I had to worry about was the rich posh girls.

I hate being here it's been a horrible trip and all I want is a cuddle from my mum to remind me that everything will be ok. I just want to be in a environment where at least one person loves me.

When dad left mum for yoko I felt lost and so confused. I didn't know what was happening all I could understand was that mum was hurting and I didn't like it. My childhood after that was good. I always knew i was loved because my mum loved me that much that I never really missed dad's love to much. My mum filled me with love and happiness and security and so much Joy. It was always me and her and that's how I liked it. It was me and cyn against the world and no one could hurt us when we were together and now I'm all alone and I feel like I have lost the security blanket I never knew i had or needed.

"Excuse me lovey are you ok?"

I physically jumped with fright. I was so consumed in my thoughts I didn't even see the elderly lady standing in front of me.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to still be here. I'll go. I'm so sorry for trespassing"

I felt bad and embarrassed that I was caught laying on the cold ground like a unwanted animal. I kinda was a unwanted animal in America. Nobody in this country wanted me or loved me.

"You don't have to leave. You must be cold how about you come inside and warm up"

"That sounds heavenly" I honestly replied I was so cold that my body was hurting.

"Well we are in God's house so I think heavenly was the right choice of word." She chuckled

I smiled at the lady whose kindness and warmth just radiated from her eyes.

I walked into the church and i gasped. It was so beautiful with  stained glass windows which consisted of a rainbow of colours that when the sun hit it made the church glow in all these different colours. I was frozen to the spot just taking in the utter beauty of this place.

"You ok?"

"Its beautiful here. I've never seen a place quite as pretty before"

"God's house is full of beautiful things and it's warmth and love  will fill your bones. Everything god created has beauty and that includes you"

I could tell the lady's faith meant the world to her and I liked that she had such faith and hope. sometimes I wish I had faith. I just feel to battered down to feel anything but despair. It's warmth was filling my bones but I don't think anyone could love me at the moment I honestly couldn't feel it"

"I can tell by your accent that your British so how about a nice cup of tea"

"Now your speaking my language" I laughed