Reconnecting With My Dad John

trouble is brewing

I woke up feeling more tired than I had when i went to bed last night. I still felt so angry about last night. How dare dad tell me what to do and how dare yoko even jump into the conversation she ain't my mother she is the reason that my family is broken. It is broken into 2 countries England and America and it is all her fault with her strange hold over my dad.

I made my way to the bathroom and you don't need to know all the details about my day but I did what everybody does every morning. My hair was wrapped in a towel and I made my way into the kitchen to sadly see yoko sitting at the table. She wasn't doing anything just sitting there staring into space. I always found her weird and there was nothing about her that i could relate to.

"Milly please come and sit at the table. I need to speak with you"

"You don't even know my name do you?"

John walked into the kitchen and stood watching the 2 main women in his life argue in front of him

" Yes it's milly as I said"

"It goes to show how little effort you have made to get to know me."

I looked away and seen my dad standing staring at us looking upset.

"You see dad the love of your life doesn't even know my name." 

I began to walk away and I looked over my shoulder to yoko

"It's Tilly my name is Tilly."

I looked at dad hurt seeping from my eyes and I walked back into my room.

"That girl is totally horrible and she is bringing bad vibes into my home"

Yoko was now in a temper she wasn't used to anybody answering her back in the manner that Tilly had and she was shocked and angry.

" Well you didn't help the situation by completely getting her name wrong."

"It was a mistake"

"Yoko Tilly is my daughter and I love her and you need to get along with her. Make some effort to get to know her. I love you's both and I need you's to get along because I can't cope with you's hating each other like this"

John walked away and entered tillys room.

Tilly was laying in bed crying from temper and built up emotions and seeing her so hurt brought out this real protective streak.

John was so protective of Tilly when she was born. Tilly was born without a heartbeat and she was rushed into intensive care to be helped and Tilly being the fighter she obviously fought threw it. John had always harboured guilt when he seen Tilly as she nearly died and he missed it because he was on tour. He had missed his daughters birth and thanks to the doctors he could of missed his daughters death. When John got to see Tilly she was so tiny and so fragile. He looked at her with amazement and fear. He was scared of his own new born daughter. When he held her for the first time and she wrapped her tiny hand around his finger he promised her that the world wasn't going to hurt her like it did him. That she was going to have a family that was together and full of love and that he was going to be there for every second of her life and he failed her.
Somewhere threw the years threw the fault of his never ending work schedule and his drug use and him just being a absent parent he had missed most of her life and now seeing her laying in her bed crying he felt like he did when he seen her for the first time amazed and scared. Amazed at her strengh that she will stick up for herself and fight her corner and scared because here he was in the same room as his crying daughter and she felt like a stranger at times and he struggled to know how to help as he didn't know her.

"I don't know what to say" John said being honest

"Just go to her. I'm ok on my own"

John actually thought about leaving her and thought no he had left her way to many times before and he ain't going to do it again.

"I know this must be hard for you. In a new place and having to deal with us and I know you don't like it here and you don't really like me very much but I'd like you to make a effort"

Tilly sat up on the bed her eyes red with crying

" I have made a effort I know yokos name. The same can't be said for her"

"She made a mistake" he tried to rationalize

"That's not a mistake that's her not knowing me at all"

"You only just arrived yesterday. Give her time"

"Dad you's have been together years and she doesn't know your own daughters name but you know her daughters name. You's were fighting to get her daughter back while she didn't even know the name of yours."

John didn't know what to say as what she was saying was correct. Yoko knew nothing about Tilly and she didn't want to know anything about her. Yoko has always had  slight jealousy towards Cynthia so anything that has to do with the time I was with cyn yoko doesn't like it. So it's clear to see that she doesn't like Tilly because she is a living person that shows the love I had for cyn.

"Look dad I understand your in a difficult spot your stuck between your daughter and your wife and while most men would always choose their kid your different. I get it. I'll be gone in like 4 days so I'm sure you can stick me for such a short time."

"Tilly she's my wife and I love her and your my daughter and I love you it's just I don't know you and I can't pick a side as it wouldn't be fair on you"

That statement felt like a stab to my heart. The whole it wouldn't be fair on you statement just proved that he would choose yoko over me. I was his only child and I had never felt so unwanted. Yesterday felt like a lovely dream. The time when it was just me and him we connected again and we were close then enters yoko and he pulls away from me again. What hold did she have over him? And why did that hold have to hold him away from me.

" I get it. It's ok. Just a few more days and I'll be gone just like I never exsisted"

Just when I thought I had my dad back he pulls away further from me and I just wanted to go home.