Reconnecting With My Dad John

a phone call to the UK.

*John's pov*

This is a never-ending cycle of pain and frustration and helplessness. It's been a full day since I seen my daughter be shot. The hours seem to be never-ending and every second feels like a century. I just don't know what to do. I can't seem to be able to function correctly all I seem to do is pace around my apartment and dwell in my dark thoughts.

"I need to call Cyn" I say

Yoko looked shocked

"Why would you want to call her?"

"Because our daughter has been shot and she needs to know incase the worse happens"

"Aren't you better just waiting until you have more news to tell her?"

" Her daughter has been kidnapped then shot then disposed of somewhere. She is alone and in pain and fuck she could be dead. I think that's alot of news for one phone call don't you think"

I didn't even let Yoko reply I just walked off towards the phone and I picked up the receiver and prepared myself for the hardest phone call I'm going to make.

The ringing tone was invading my ears and with each ring I was getting more and more anxious. I didn't know how I was going to tell her but I was ready for her reply. She was going to be mad.

"Hello"

I recognised that voice. I knew that posh accent

"Hi Cyn"

There was a short silence and I imagine that Cyn was probably in shock as we haven't spoken since our divorce and that wasn't really that pleasent. I always got Yoko to contact Cyn to organise my visit to see Tilly. I know it's a pretty shitty thing to do but I don't want to be reminded about how badly I treated her so I cut her off. Out of sight out of mind right?

"Hi John is Tilly ok? If she is giving you to much attitude or if it's to much work for you then just  send her back"

"It's not that Cyn"

"Look I know she is hard work she is a teenager with bundles of attitude kinda like someone else I used to know. If you just stick it out you will get to see her sweet side. She is a great  person John. Please just give her a chance"

" Cyn will you let me talk. I know she is a great girl and yes has been hard work but she is worth it but something has happened"

"What is it? I knew something has happened I can sense it"

" She's been shot Cyn and nobody knows where she is"

There was silence not a single sound and it was making me nervous. I was prepared for the anger but I wasn't prepared for this"

"How do you not know where she is John?."

"She ran away and ended up with Yoko's ex husband and how I don't know. Tony shot her and he has been found and arrested but he won't say where she is"

"This was meant to be a chance for yous to get to know each other and to bond and this has happened. How could you let this happen?"

" I didn't let it happen. She ran  off"

"And why did she run off John? She never ran off when she was with me"

"Oh because you're so fucking perfect aren't you Cyn?"

" Don't shout at me I have every right to be angry my daughter is alone and hurt"

" She's my daughter to Cyn"

"It's nice for you to finally remember that as since you have been with Yoko you have seem to have forgotten you have a daughter"

" I knew this conversation would come back to you still being bitter that I left you"

"Your ego is incredible. Im not bitter that you left me. You leaving has been a blessing that I don't have to deal with you or your jealousy or your anger and mainly your drug use. I'm bitter that you left your daughter that you completely diserted her. You leaving me I can deal with and I have dealt with it but you abandoning Tilly is something I won't forgive.

" I made mistakes and I don't take drugs no more but me and tilly had connected again and I do love her Cyn. I have fucked up in the past I know that but I love her Cyn I love Tilly more than I have loved anybody. I didn't know I was capable of loving this deeply. I thought that I was just going to be damaged and angry forever. Tilly has changed that. Cyn I'm sorry for everything I fucked up but please trust me when I say I love her "

"I'm booking a flight and a hotel and I'm coming over there."

Cyn hung up the phone leaving John stood there with his head spinning

"That call didn't sound like it went well"

John turned to see Yoko staring at him.

"I just got what I deserved. I have been such a horrible dad and I wish I could go back and change it"

" You mean you would go back and still be with Cyn?".

" No I mean I would make more effort to keep Tilly in my life as when I divorced Cyn I somehow ended up divorcing Tilly as well."

"John we have all made mistakes and we always get a chance to learn from them. John you now get a chance with our baby to be the dad that you want to be. This is a opportunity to correct past mistakes"

"I'm going to be the best dad to our child but that doesn't change the fact that I have a child who had a horrible absent dad. Yoko I always swore I would be a better dad than my dad was to me"

"And you are John"

"How? My dad abandoned me and I abandoned Tilly do you see the pattern"

"Yes but the main difference is that you recognise that you made mistakes and you are trying to fix them. Your father never did that. Yes you made mistakes but deep down your a good man"

" Thank you Yoko but I'm a horrible person and I'm going to constantly be reminded of it when Cyn arrives"