Reconnecting With My Dad John

a rocky start

I was back home at the Dakota just laying on the couch staring into space and thinking about rebekha. She would freak if she found out that John was my dad and I was here. She would seriously love to be here because she could perv over dad. I don't really know why I've never told her about dad I guess I like the fact that at school I'm just Tilly I'm not Tilly the daughter of John Lennon.

I'm scared that if I told her 2 things could happen. Firstly she could freak out and treat me like some freak or she could be mad that I never told her and that I kept it as a huge secret.

"Ugh this sucks" I said aloud

" What does?"

I scream and fall off the sofa in shock

Dad bursts into a fit of laughter

"Dad you scared me it ain't funny"

" Oh trust me it was funny"

I got up off the ground and lay back on the sofa again

"Well what sucks"

" just thinking about my best friend rebekha"

"And why does thinking about her suck?"

" Because I'm kinda keeping a big secret from her"

" what's the secret?"

"That your my dad"

I looked at his face to try and see his reaction and he kinda looked hurt

"Why wouldn't you tell her about me"

"I haven't told anyone at school about it"

" Why? are you ashamed of me? "

" I'm not exactly ashamed it's just some of the things you do is hard to explain and if people don't know who i am I'm spared all there questions"

" what action of mine would be hard to explain"

" uhm the fact that your naked on your album cover is a great example"

" it was art that isn't hard to explain"

" how would you like to have had to explain stuff like that when you were in school huh. I bet teddyboy John would of loved to explain to everyone why mimi was naked for the world to see "

"Ok ok you made your point"

" I will be gracious in victory"

"But if this rebekha is your best friend who your dad is won't matter "

" I know it's just that I'm scared that it will change our friendship and that she would begin to treat me differently ya know"

" I totally understand but you gotta be honest and bite the bullet and tell her the truth"

"Ugh your right I'll tell her when I get home"

"John what are you doing?"

Yoko asked while walking into the room

I thought what a stupid question she could see exactly what he was doing. I think it was just a way for her to interrupt us and to get his attention away from me.

"I'm just talking to tills love"

"Well it's 4.30pm according to my chart if I'm going to get pregnant that now would be the perfect time to try"

I literally wanted the ground to swallow me up and make me disappear. So they were trying for a baby. They were trying to make me a sibling and dad didn't even tell me. It just showed me how dissconnected and how pushed away from dad's life  I was. This just made me feel like a outsider and uncomfortable and looking at dad's face he looked as uncomforatable as me.

"I'm kind if in the middle of a conversation with tills"

"Well the time is right and this having a baby was your idea so let's hop to it."

Wait it was dad's idea? He wanted a baby? I don't know what to think as he didn't plan on having me but he's planned this baby?

"Ok I'm coming now sweetie"

I looked at dad shocked and he knew that I was confused and shocked and angry.

"I'm sorry i won't be long"

" I've been here half a day and your already dumping me when she calls. Just don't bother I'm going out for a walk"

" wait what you don't know new York you can't leave it's not safe"

" don't worry about me. Just worry about your planned child and your mistake child will be ok"

I got off the sofa and walked towards the door

"Tills wait. Don't leave tills"

I didn't even turn around I just left and didn't look back. I was so hurt and confused to care.