Broken(a VA fanfiction) (COMPLETE)

12

"so, let me get this straight. roza has depression? but that's not possible. rose has never shown any sign of depression in her record" Dimitri said in complete disbelieve. 

"Rose, Jake, this isn't funny!" Mom yelled. 

"You really think we're laying?! I freaking picked up blood every day! I know what I'm talking about! you know why I was her so-called 'boyfriend'? because she had a reason to have those cuts. she could tell everyone that she got cuts from all the advanced training we did. I was just a way to hide her blood and her cuts" jake was screaming with frustration from the memory. 
And for the first time in 2 years, I felt as weak as I used to.

I've always been the type to show off how 'strong' I am but the truth is I'm weak.
I couldn't even deal with my own emotions. That's another reason why I try to take care of liss so much, so my weakness won't effect her.
When I was first left at the Academy, everything was wrong. I missed mom and I expected her to come back after a few hours. Then days. Then months. Then years.

But it never happened, she never came back. This made me feel so weak and unwanted. I couldn't help feeling horrible. I needed to let it out, and at the moment the only way I saw was to cut.
I didn't know the full effect at the time. And it felt good to just let the pain out, and to be in control of the pain.

Finally coming out of my thoughts, I looked around to see that everyone was expecting me to say something, but I didn't know what.
I gave dimitri a pleading look, and it worked cause he got up and said

"Okay, we will discuss this over lunch. Come on rose, it's our patrol" dimitri said, with out even looking at me and walked out.

I already knew what was waiting for me on this so called 'patrol' so I took my sweet time, but I did have to go.

I walked up to him, and he started to walk. Great.
"Dimi"

"Why didn't I know about any of this rose!?" He paused as yelled. I've never seen him this mad, mainly this mad at me.
"Why!? Why did he have to tell us that you almost died! That you cut yourself!? If Hathaway leaving made that much of a effect on you then why didn't you get help!"

I again felt like I was just as weak as before. I didn't want to even look at dimitri, because I was sure that he was looking at me with disappointment. Him being disappointed at me is the one thing that I could never take.

"Dimi-" but what was I supposed to say?

"Roza" his voice finally soft, and aware of my feelings.

"Rose, you should have told someone." Dimitri said, as we kept walking.
"What if something happened to you?" His voice was so low that it seemed like he was talking to himself but it held pain. Pain and sadness was evident all over his voice and face.

"Roza, I couldn't deal with you not being here. Why didn't you tell me? Or lissa? Why him?"

"I-i didn't want to be weak. And lissa, I didn't want to worry her more then everything that I was already doing. And I wasn't weak! I could fight better than everyone! It doesn't even-
I don't know! And after we ran away, after the accident, lissa and me, I was- I was so focused on helping lissa that, I didn't do anything anymore. It was all better"  I was rambling but dimitri as always listened anyway.

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A/N hello beautiful smiles, how are you guys?
My exam season won't be done for another month, but I wanted to update anyways so here you go. I hope this helps understand why rose didn't tell anyone but jake. It will be explained further in the story.
As always, have a great day. Love ya!

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