Summertime Sadness // 5SOS

No Tomorrow

➼a b b y

I was so worried. Worried about everyone, really. Ella had left, not a single goodbye to anyone. Luke had been cooped up in his room for days, much like I had been. I knew how that felt, to not want to eat, sleep or talk to anyone. You just wanted to be locked away from the rest of the world because that's what you felt you deserved. It was the worst feeling in the world.

I desperately tried to contact her, to try and find out where she'd gone and why she'd left. It broke my heart knowing that she must of felt so terrible that she instantly had to leave and I wasn't prepared to give up trying to find her. Every time I would call her, it would ring a couple of times or just go straight to voicemail. At least when it rang a few times and then stopped, I knew she was hanging up. That let me know she was at least alive.

Luke had helped Ashton and I when we had gone through our rough patch and I wanted to return the favour. He was so easy with words and he would come in to my room every day to check up on me or see if I needed a shoulder to cry on. I, however, was so awkward when I tried to comfort someone and I usually just made the situation worse.

And, to be quite honest, upset Luke scared me. Sometimes, during the day, I would hear him yelling and smashing things on the floor but he'd then just brake down and cry. I wasn't sure what he would do if I said the wrong thing.

"Dammit!" I yelled as another call just went to straight to voicemail. It was the 4th call that day and not one had even rang. As I slumped against the kitchen worktops, I saw a piece of paper tucked underneath a magazine. I rushed over and fished it out from the gossip-filled pages as I eagerly opened it up. The handwriting was obviously Ella's. It read:

'My dearest Luke,

By the time you read this, I will be long gone so please don't try and come after me. I don't want this to be a big deal, I've just left, that's all.

The least I can do is explain to you why I did so. I put you through hell, my darling, and I can't forgive myself for that. You, sitting by my hospital bed for two whole weeks just holding my hand, barely eating, sleeping or anything. All the while you were grieving and blaming yourself, wasting your precious tears. I also wanted to tell you that the accident was not your fault. It was no ones fault but mine so please don't feel bad.

You had to postpone your tour, not to mention the pain I caused you after my amnesia. All this effort, all this love over someone who isn't even worth it. I'm not worth it, Luke, you could do so much better. That's why I couldn't face you. That's why I had to leave. Every time I looked at you, all I could see was the pain-stricken boy that I had wounded so deeply. I do not love you any less, nor will I ever stop loving you, but this is for the best, I promise.

Don't try and contact me, just forget I ever existed. Your life will be so much easier and that's all I want. I will always put your needs before mine, you are so much more important.

Tell Abby and Sarah I love them and say goodbye to the boys for me. I hope they're not too upset with me.

I love you, Lucas Robert Hemmings.

Have a good life. You deserve it.

Goodbye,

єℓℓα xxx'

I ran up the stairs to Luke's room and crashed through the door. There were bits of broken mirror and various other items strewn out all over the floor, clothes in large, dirty piles. Luke was curled up into a ball in the corner of the room and he looked awful. I wasn't surprised.

I don't think he had even noticed I'd come in. I expertly tiptoed over the smashed objects on the floor as I made my way towards him. Carefully, I slumped down next to him and tentatively brushed the hair away from his face to reveal bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. I rubbed his back lightly as I placed the note into his hand. He stared at me blankly, obviously not knowing what it was.

"It's from Ella," I told him. His eyes widened and he hastily unfolded the paper. Tears started streaming down his face, following the trail that had led so many other tears before. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder as he rested his head in crook of my neck. "It's gonna be ok, Luke, I promise," I whispered. We just sat there for a while, both of us so sad.

I had to do something. I couldn't let Luke suffer like this. "Why don't you get some sleep?" I asked him. He nodded and climbed into his bed. I crept out of the room and softly closed the door behind me. Ashton was asleep, taking up both sides of the bed. I carefully slid under the covers next to him and wrapped my arms around his torso. "Goodmorning," he murmured, still half asleep. "Goodmorning," I said, resting my chin on his shoulder. "Ash, I think we need to talk about Luke," I told him, "he hasn't come out of his room since Ella left and I don't know what to do!" Tears were now welling up in my eyes for seemingly no reason. I was just sad.

Ash sensed my change of mood and rearranged himself so he was facing me, snaking his arm around my waist and cupping my face with one hand. "Hey, hey, please don't cry, honey," he whispered, soothingly, "it'll be alright. Your Ella's best friend, right? You know her better than anyone! Where d'you think she'd have gone?" Surprisingly, I had never thought about where she had gone just why. It seemed so obvious now I thought of it. "Home." I said to Ash. "Well...where's home?" He asked.

Ella and I lived in a small flat in central London which we'd been in since we dropped out of school at 16. School didn't do anything for us and we didn't feel like we needed an education to get where we needed to go. The boys would understand that better than anyone. I worked as an intern at a film studio only a few streets away. I had always been interested in that sort of thing but never had the chance to learn anything about it. Obviously, I didn't get paid, so Ella would bring home the bacon by working as a shop assistant in a high-end clothes shop. The pay was good, sustainable and the great thing was we got a 30% discount on the whole range.

That had been our life for a while and, when we met Sarah online, we saved up any money we could to put towards coming to visit her. We had instantly clicked and we looked forward to the trip for months and months. I guess that's what annoyed me. The fact that we had put so much effort into coming here in the first place, only to have her leave halfway through. I felt abandoned, betrayed so naturally I couldn't help feeling annoyed aswell.

"London," I answered, "she's probably gone back to our place there. God, she's probably a wreck. And I'm not there to clean up after her! The whole flat's gonna be a mess!" I sighed.

"Well, then, there's only one thing we can do," Ash told me. I looked at him, puzzled.

"We've gotta go to London."