Anything X SMR/reader

phobias #1

Starting a 3 maybe 4 part phobia challenge. My friends and i thought it would be a cool idea. And if you want i challenge you. To write your own chapter about a certain type of phobia you have or could have. Here is my phobia.

You can imagine anyone you want again.❤️

Unedited

Philophobia

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There you were sitting on your bed clutching your chest. Trying to calm yourself. Clenching your teeth, pulling on your hair. But you couldn't stop the pain in your chest or the feeling of anxiety building up. You started to shake, hot salty tears rolling down your cheeks. Hugging your knees close to your chest, desperately trying to calm down. Because you knew you're about to have a panic attack.

But you couldn't get him out of your head. The way his eyes shine, the wind gently blowing through his hair. And the way his smile looked, painful. It was painful and terrifying. The fear you felt everytime you felt this unknown feeling. That feeling was love. That feeling that brought you pain and suffering.

The room was spinning. It was like you were drowning. You couldn't breathe, you felt pain and you were.... Terrified. Your heart racing, your breath shaking. The room went dark just as you heard your door open and someone yelling your name.

Pain.

Anxiety.

Fear.

Suffering.

Those four words described how love felt for you. You didn't know why. Sometimes you would find yourself punching the wall out of frustration. Your parents tried helping you. Getting you countless therapy. Countless doctor's appointments. Trying so desperately to "fix" you. You knew they wanted a normal child. So you had started to hide it. And avoiding any and all opportunities to even maybe fall in love. Trying to find even the tiniest fault in anyone to hopefully not fall in love.

Kept trying to keep all the anger and frustration from everyone, including yourself. Kept lying to yourself. Telling yourself that you were normal. Hating the fact that love made you have panic attacks. This sometimes kept you up at night. Crying yourself to sleep, screaming into your pillow. Your young mind trying to make sense of what was happening to you.

..................

You woke up to a bright light. A white room. A nurse. A doctor. Your mother. And..... Him. Tears were rolling down your face again. Your mother with a pitiful expression. Knew why you were crying before he could reach out to you, your mother had stopped him and quickly pulled him out of the room.

Some time had passed since that. You were still laying on the hospital bed. The clean smell of disinfectant. You've always hated that smell. Hated the hospital in general. It wasn't long before the door open and 'he' walked in. His once beautiful eyes were red now from crying. And his neat hair messy, tears rolling down his face. His soft sniffling and quiet hiccups.

"Im sorry." He fell to his knees and was holding his face. "Im sorry!" He started sobbing now. "I didn't know...!" He was trying to wipe his tears with your hoodie you had lent him when it was cold. But the tears cept falling. He had started to hyperventilate. You sat up and motioned for him to come closer. He got up and hesitated a little but you held your arms open for him and he hugged you. Crying into your shoulder. Your brows furrowed as you fought the feeling of anxiety.

You loved him. You knew that. Fighting the feeling. You hugged him back, fighting to ignore the pain coming back.

"I love..you."

As you said those three words that sealed your fate, and had started your journey.

You accepted it. Finally excepted it. You loved him. That fact was certain. And now you weren't going to stop. You weren't going to leave or ignore this feeling.

You weren't going down without a fight. You won't go down easy.

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Hope you enjoyed it. I would love to know it you have a phobia. So please comment them. And remember I. Love. You. All.!!~~ bye bye!!❤️❤️