Double-Edged Sword - $UICIDEBOY$

Walking On Fine Lines

    The path ended at the base of a shallow hill which was cleared of shrubbery but surrounded by trees otherwise. Ghoste let go of you and ran towards the top of it. He jumped and flopped down on the soft, chilled grass. You followed playfully and tumbled down next to him. His silver hair spread across the grass as shiny tendrils and glittered under the moonlight.
"You said you saw the lake take someone. What on earth does that mean?"
Your throat got tight, "I saw him like right before he died... running from something... He looked terrified. Turns out he ended up stealing a car and causing chaos on the Causeway Bridge before driving right off. My, uh, friend and I found him some time later in the lake. He's at the bottom now, haunting it I guess."
Ghoste put his hands behind his head and relaxed, "That's fucking crazy... you ever wanna jump in then too?"
You nodded reluctantly, "I almost slipped right over the edge once. Ruby...", you paused and remembered you had abandoned him tonight, "Ruby grabbed me and yanked me back. He silenced that lake... the only other time was when you went and got me. Remember? I pretty much ran off and sat right down in a muddy shoreline. I was really spiteful at the lake, but when my friend and I were back there I made gentle peace."
Ghoste snorted, "Gentle peace? What did ya do?"
You looked away into the woods, "Skinny dipped- BEFORE we found the body."
Ghoste laughed hard, "I guess I could call you spontaneous too."
You shrugged, "I think traveling for so long really enforced that."

Ghoste was silent for awhile, and then timidly spoke up, "I was really worried for you when you climbed into the car at the lake... your eyes were distorted and you couldn't keep a facial expression that made sense..."
You clenched your jaw, "You were really good to me- holding my arm to the door and reassuring me in the car ride."
Ghoste blew a strand of hair off of his face and delicately interlocked one of his hands with yours, "We're nice to the people we think we care about."
    You shivered and looked away towards the moon, "What an odd way to phrase that statement..."
    Ghoste rapidly changed the subject, "So, are you gonna fuck Tanner?"
    You gritted your teeth and glanced at him with a smirk, "Do I look reckless or something?"
    He raised a brow, "I'd say you actually sound more reckless than your appear. So maybe you're reckless enough to like him or something."

    "Liking people is relative ya know. I like a lot of people...", your smile faded and you looked away from Ghoste.
    It had been all true. You knew deep down that you were in a complex web of emotions with each strand attached to another person.
    Ghoste sighed, "Better hurry and get to it then- before you get exlucsive with Ruby or Scrim. Ya know?"
    "WoAH! Who said that was happening? I just live with them."
    He shook his head nonchalantly while staring towards the sky, "Guess I'm just talking outta my ass.", his grip on your hand got tighter.
    Your heart began to ache. Maybe he was subtly asking for time with you before it was too late. But, you were still so hesitant to blatantly act out. Sure, nothing was ever exclusive and your fears had always been quelled later. But somewhere in the back of your head was the worry of expectations. Ruby and Scrim had really taken you in, and their opinion on what you did outside of the house didn't outwardly exist. Honestly, you wished there had been some sort of understanding and mutual agreement earlier on to nullify issues like the one with Ghoste.
    With that, you stood up, pulling your hand away from him, and wiped a watery eye, "We should head back."
    "Ah- oh..", Ghoste shuttered.
You exhaled roughy from your nose, "If I stay here I'll do things that I might have to regret later, and probably not just with you."
Ghoste was caught off guard by the multiple meanings of that sentence, "o-OH-"
(Tag yourself, I'm the o in o-OH-)
"Everything at home is awful right now- I'm horrible for leaving-", you started hurrying down the hill.
Ghoste caught up to you and was suddenly tripping a lot more than before as you pressed into the forest, "Y/N! Y/N, what is happening?"
You swatted his hand away and jumped over the the fallen tree you both had previously traversed. You could hear him following you; his hands grappled at stray branches to maintain his distressed balance.
"Ruby is at home right now, making sure Scrim doesn't hurt himself while he's tweaking out on something. There's blood on the walls, everyone is bruised up, and nothing is good."
Ghoste stopped following you and you came to a halt a short distance away. You turned around and saw his slumped form staring out into the darkness. Your face flushed up and tears bubbled over. Your mascara turned to an oily slick on your lashes and spread around the circle of your eyes. The dark pool dripped down your cheeks into streaks like watercolor paint.
"They're at home, and I left them. I couldn't stand to be there, but Ruby could stand to be there. He literally stood there and got hit so hard that wind must have formed inside of the house. Everything is bloody."
Ghoste's head turned towards you, "You shouldn't be there anyways if that's happening."
Your knees buckled and your ass slammed right onto the damp forest floor. You pulled your knees into your chest and put your head between them. The tears fell directly down instead of smearing all across your face. Ghoste rushed over instantly and knelt down at your side. His arms surrounded your body and pulled you against him. His thumb immediately pressed into your face and wiped off the streaks before they dried. At least he knew something about makeup to do that. You cried harder until your body began to shake. Ghoste held you still and laid his cheek on the top of your head.
"Shhhh... you made the right choice... You shouldn't be there right now... shhh..."
You sniffed painfully and latched onto Ghoste with a hug. He let your blackened tears soak right into his clothes. Your body steadily lost its energy- you cried it all out. Your muscles relaxed even as your face continued to pour, and you slouched. Ghoste held you together as you weakened and went slack in his arms. He strained slightly while keeping your head from slamming into the ground- he had to gently lay you back on the earth.
The ground welcomed you and dimpled under your weight. The way the dirt bent and carried your weight told you it was very much like clay. The clay became a mold for your shape.
Ghoste straddled you and cupped your face in his hands. You saw the blind desperation in his gaze that paralyzed you. He leaned in.
"Please, you made the right choice... Please, let me make you feel better."
You sniffed again and blinked away a fresh set of tears, "I'm nervous about doing anything."
He wiped a tear away, "Then why did you act out before with someone else? 'Skinny dipping' with a friend?"
"How can you just tell these things?"
"You gave it away earlier when I asked!"
"Will it matter? If we..."
His thumb rubbed your lip, "I'm just here for you tonight now, nothing else. Trust me, and let me make you feel better. You're crying too hard over being somewhere safer."
You grabbed his head and pulled it to yourself- you were electrified. Your energy all flooded back in through Ghoste's mouth- your lips danced. You convinced yourself that this wouldn't matter by tomorrow, and that you didn't need to justify yourself. You just enjoyed the steady pleasure. You were empowered.
Life had been dulled down.
You had lost your purpose.
You had been wandering between words and walking on eggshells for ages.
You needed to finally find yourself.

You advanced on Ghoste by shoving your tongue right through his lips. He tensed up momentarily and then reciprocated. He was generous with you; he let you feel his body freely. Your heels dug into the soft clay of the earth, furthering your indented silhouette. Your arms clung to each other and held-fast. The coolness of the dirt vanished- you could have been floating for all you knew. Something rustled in the distance, and both of you decided it wasn't the best place to get frisky- on a forest floor.
    He helped you up and wiped the last bits of smeared makeup from your face.
    "Alright, go hit on Tanner or whatever.", he joked.
    "You think I won't? Bitch bite me.", you laughed loudly.
You both rushed out, giggling and bouncing over debris. Everyone was still in the playground relaxing as though you had never left, but they perked up when they saw you blazing into the playground. Tanner, who was laying in the soft bed of the playground staring up into the sky, turned his head towards you both. You slid down onto the fine pebbles and came to a skidding halt next to him. Tanner pushed himself up with his arms just in time for you to peck his lips. His eyes widened and looked around in pure confusion. Ghoste laughed and plopped down next to you. His arms went around your waist and pulled you in like spooning. Tanner regained himself and blushed when he stared at you.
"Did you guys get cozy in the forest or some shit?"
You scoffed, "Just having an adventure."
Pouya called out, "AYE- y'all, the orgy in back, we 'bouta blow this place. Where we gonna go?"
You sighed and murmured to Ghoste, "I should go home and check on them."
He nodded silently and called back out, "YO, take Y/N home, and we can go do some shit after!"

The carride was bittersweet- you were going to miss having this much fun. Ghoste held your hand in the ride back, and Tanner glanced at the interlocked fingers more than a few times. You winked at him, and even though he was wholeheartedly confused, he liked what was up. Your head was leaned onto the window gingerly so that stray potholes didn't give you a damn concussion. The lights of the city came back as diffused glowing murals, then dissolved away into shadowy specters. When Pouya pulled up into the driveway, you reluctantly pulled your hand away from Ghoste's and hurried out. You turned back and stared inside. Tanner's gaze edged into the corner of your vision, but you smiled at Ghoste and asked them to thank Pouya for taking you along. With that, Tanner reached out- he winked back- and closed the door. The puff of air flourished over your face and made you jump. And then, almost instantly, you were alone in the driveway.
Your knees were weak the moment you entered the house. The floor creaked under your feet and echoed throughout the house terribly. No reply came to your noise, so you scurried to your room. You felt like a coward, but you couldn't bear to know anything happening in the house. You made sure to close the bedroom door until its inner workings clicked. Then, without changing or caring to clean the makeup from your face, you slid under the covers in the dark and tried to sleep.