Man it's been a while since I've updated this book. Hm a lot of things have happened. Just didnt say anything cuz nobody actually cares.
If I would tell you I didnt like myself
You would reply with something along the lines of everybody has their imperfections. Nobodys perfect physically or mentally. I exceed the level of imperfection acceptable for a girl like me. Sure there are those people who say oh look you got skinner or taller but what's the point when you come home to your mom telling you that you are getting fat again. And then as walk up the stairs tears streaming down your face and into the bathroom poking at your stomach and thighs looking down at your body and thinking it's too fat and ugly. Then your mind screaming at you that you're worthless and stupid and fat and ugly and nobody would love or care for you. So what do you do? You grab a sharp object and slice open your skin watching the blood pour out of the self inflicted wounds forgetting about everything for a split second and focusing on the physical pain that you so desperately wanted. You got your release didnt you . But then you get up and look down as you are faced with the reality of what you acutally did. And then get disappointed in yourself. And you cry yourself to sleep everyday cuz that's how you feel. Hopeless. Alone. Sad. And most of all suicidal.
That's how I feel.
Until next time.
That is if there is one.
