No. This is my decision. If anyone is going to talk me out of it. Its myself. And if I cant then too bad. Live with it. It's a mistake. It always was. I'm a mistake. I dont want you telling me not to go. You can do so much better than me. I'm just a piece of garbage. I'm so disgusting and terrible and ugly. Why would you choose me of all the people in this world you could choose. Why me? Do you think I give too much? I asked that to someone the other day. And they said I do. My sister told me not to do that a few days ago. I said it's too late. I already did that. I already got hurt. You can tell me to stay. You can cry and plead. You can beg and sob but In the end it would be my decision. It would be up to myself to talk myself out of it. You're not here. Why would you be? I've been lying to everyone. I'm tired. It's almost midnight and I'm sitting here unmotivated and hopeless. I sit here wanting those tears held back for what seems like years to let go. I want to let go. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I'm simply exhausted. You come to me only when you need something. Am I being used by my own sister? Why am I still helping you? I'm getting nothing out of this. I'm not happy. You're not saying you love me. You've caused so much pain In my life. Why ? What are you getting out of this? What did you get out of him leaving? After all of this you did it again? Is this not enough? I'm trying to be strong for you. I'm trying to be strong for so many people. But me being strong makes her think I have no feelings. Makes her think I'm a bad daughter. She doesnt understand what goes on inside. She focuses on the outside. Of course you dont care. I never expected anyone too. Of course you dont love me. I don't expect you too. I mean who would right?
Let go of me. I'm not worth it.
Until next time
I really hope there is one.
